In 2003, Pennsylvania would be exposed to one of the most bizarre crimes in recent
history. A pizza delivery man would attempt to rob a bank with an explosive
collar around his neck. After being surrounded by police he would plead with
them to defuse the explosive, claiming someone had forced him into the collar
and that it was set to explode if he did not complete a list of tasks in the
given time. Police were confused and unsure of what to do next,
but the pizza man's time was running out. Brian Douglas Wells was a 46-year-old
man who dropped out of high school and became a pizza delivery boy -- kids, stay in
school. He worked at Mama Mia pizzeria in Erie, Pennsylvania for 30 years. 30 years,
man! That's some serious dedication; like I thought I loved pizza but this guy was
in the business of pizza for longer than I have been alive. This guy must have
been a pizza expert -- a pizza genius! Meanwhile here I am, a pizza idiot, making
shitty YouTube videos. Damn, kids, remember when I said stay in school? Fucking
forget it. What do I know? I'm just a pizza dumbass - I'm a pizza-- pizza shit.
Well's employers considered him a valued and trusted employee but little
did they know, Wells was planning a little side hustle to make some extra
money. Wells had been planning an elaborate heist with Marjorie
Diehl-Armstrong and Kenneth Barnes. The heist wouldl begin on the afternoon of
August the 28th, 2003. Barnes placed an order for two pizzas a few miles away
from the pizzeria. This signaled to Wells that the game was on and Wells drove out
to meet with Barnes and his accomplices. However, when he did, he learned there
been a change of plans; Wells was going to rob the bank by
himself with a bomb locked around his neck.
Ah yes, the old spicy necklace switcheroo - oldest trick in the book. It was at this
point Wells realized he fucked up. Obviously he didn't want to partake in
the scheme and he tried to wrestle with the men and flee. A handgun was fired
into the air, causing Wells to comply. They attached the bomb collar, gave Wells
a homemade shotgun walking-stick - Jesus Christ, look at that - and a list of four
tasks to complete lest the bomb blow up; the bank robbery being the first. Wells
was to leave the bank with $25,000 -- okay, so already you can probably tell that
this plan has way too many moving parts. It's like something out one of those
bank robbery movies where they spend years planning every detail of
this really complicated heist, only here the robber just found out the plan like
ten minutes beforehand and also he doesn't actually really want to do it.
Like, a plan this convoluted should really have a more solid foundation, like
you wouldn't attempt to build a house of cards on a table with two fucking legs.
Wells entered the bank with the cane -- er, shotgun, and demanded the money. You
can probably guess how much success he had. There wass no way this harebrained
scheme was ever going to end well. Police quickly intervened at which point Wells
informed them that tree unnamed men had forced him into the explosive collar and
demanded he complete the four tasks. Put yourself in the police's shoes at this
point - what do you do? You can't approach him because he claims
he's got a bomb on him and you're not really sure if he's like a victim in
all of this or what. It's understandable they'd be confused. They eventually
called the bomb squad 30 minutes later -- what!? 30 minutes later!? You couldn't have
been that confused! What were they doing in all that time!? Like, if you left a
paper bag with the word "bomb" on it in the middle of the street today, they'd be
all over that like flies on shit. You're telling me this guy very clearly had
something strapped to his neck and was screaming about how it would explode and
kill him, and it didn't occur to you to get the bomb squad involved any sooner!?
Look at his fucking walking stick shotgun! This guy isn't fucking around!
By this time, there was live news coverage of the event. Barnes and Diehl-Armstrong
were watching shit hit the fan live on TV. They decided that dead men tell no
tales and remotely detonated the device; killing Wells instantly. Yes, a man really
had his head blown off on live TV. Eventually both Barnes and
Diehl-Armstrong would be caught and their motives for the heist were truly
strange. Diehl-Armstrong's father's estate had once been valued near two
million dollars, so she and Barnes hatched a plan to kill him for the
inheritance -- okay, fair enough. However, they needed 125,000 dollars
to pull this off, and so came up with the bank robbery. So the bank robbery wasn't
even the big job -- that was just a stepping-stone. I'd love to see what they
have planned for this guy if they needed that much money to kill him. Like if they
could get a guy to wear an explosive collar and wield a walking-stick shotgun,
what could they put together with all that money? I'm honestly a little
disappointed in the authorities for not giving these guys a pass for
creativity alone. They should have let them go just long enough to see what
kind of crazy shit they were gonna pull in the assassination attempt. I genuinely
want to know what they could do with the right resources -- were they gonna shoot
this guy into space or something? In 2008, Kenneth Barnes pleaded guilty
and was sentenced to 45 years in federal prison for his role in the bank robbery
and use of a destructive device during a crime of violence. In 2010, Marjorie
Diehl-Armstrong was found guilty of participating in the crime and was
sentenced to life plus 30 years.