( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
HOW WE DOING OVER THERE?
HOW WE DOING?
JON.
DO YOU KNOW WHO WE'VE GOT ON TONIGHT, JON, AND THIS IS A JOY
FOR ME, BECAUSE I LOVE BOTH OF THESE WOMEN.
TWO VERY POWERFUL WOMEN, GLENN CLOSE AND SHERYL CROW ARE ON
THIS EVENING.
HAVE YOU DONE STUFF-- HAVE YOU DONE STUFF CAN SHERYL?
>> WE'VE HUNG OUT BEFORE, NEVER DONE MUSIC TOGETHER.
GLENN WAS AT THE MET BALL AND WE GOT TO SING TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: YOU GOT TO SING WITH HER?
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: SHE WAS REPLENDANT IN PINK.
YOU COULD SEE HER FROM THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION.
VERY BEAUTIFUL.
WELL, FOLKS, SPRING IS HERE, AND WITH IT, THAT LITTLE ICE CHIP IN
YOUR HEART TELLING YOU, YOU FORGOT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER ABOUT THIS SUNDAY, WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE
THING: IT'S MOTHER'S DAY.
NOW, THERE ARE PLENTY OF MOTHER'S DAY CARDS OUT THERE TO
CHOOSE FROM, BUT THEY DON'T ALL GET IT RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY.
SO TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS IN
OUR SEGMENT "FIRST DRAFTS."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ AS ALWAYS, I'LL NEED SOME HELP
FROM MY FAVORITE GUEST OF ALL TIME AND MY FAVORITE MOTHER, MY
WIFE, EVIE.
EVIE!
DARLING!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> HI!
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: LOVE THE NECKLACE.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
>> DID I GET LIPSTICK ON YOU.
>> Stephen: DID I?
DID YOU-- >> DID I GET LIPSTICK ON YOU?
>> Stephen: DARLING THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> MY PLEASURE.
>> Stephen: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY AHEAD OF TIME.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I GOT YOU A MIMOSA.
>> VITAMIN "C" BECAUSE OF YOUR COLD.
.>> Stephen: IT'S NOT A COLD.
I HAVE ALLERGIES, REMEMBER?
>> OH, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: DARLING, FOR THOSE OF YOU AT HOME WHO ARE PLAYING
OUR HOME GAME, LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
YOU KNOW,SH-- >> I'M A PRO.
>> Stephen: IF YOU HOLD THE CARDS RIGHT THERE, WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN IF YOU'LL GIVE ME THE TOP CARD-- AND HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE THE TOP CARD?
>> NICE, FRIENDLY.
>> Stephen: THE ONE YOU WOULD BUY.
>> SAFE.
>> Stephen: AND THE SECOND CARD WOULD BE WHAT?
>> SOMETIMES OFFENSIVE.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST DRAFT, THE FIRST DRAFT OF THAT CARD
THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO SELL.
>> SOMETIMES OFFENSIVE.
>> Stephen: SOMETIMES OFFENSIVE.
COULD I PLEASE-- COULD I PLEASE HAVE THE FIRST CARD?
>> Stephen: YES, YOU MAY.
THIS ONE IS FOR THE NEW MOMS.
IT SAYS, "I LOVE YOU.
HAPPY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY TO MY WIFE.
WATCHING YOU BECOME A MOTHER HAS BEEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
EXPERIENCE.
I LOVE YOU."
OH!
>> Stephen: STHANT THAT LOVELY?
>> THAT IS SO SWEET!
>> Stephen: WOULDN'T YOU LOVE TO GET THAT ONE?
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "HAPPY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY TO MY WIFE.
WATCHING YOU BECOME A MOTHER WAS ONE OF THE MOST TERRIFYING
EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE.
AND THEN YOU JUST WALKED AROUND LIKE AN HOUR LATER?
I FEAR YOU."
THAT'S TRUE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE ( WHISTLES )
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: IT IS-- IT IS SCARY BUSINESS.
>> DON'T MESS WITH US WOMEN AFTER HE HAVE BABY S.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I REMEMBER WHEN OUR ELDEST WAS BORN, OUR DAUGHTER, WE HAD THIS
PLAN TO BRING IN, LIKE, "I BROUGHT IN A LITTLE CD PLAYER
AND MINI-SPEAKERS AND WE'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO WHALE NOISES
AND THE SOUND OF THE SEA.
AND I TURNED IT ON, AND ABOUT FIVE MINUTES LATER YOU SAID,
TURN THAT ( BLEEP ) OFF.
TRUE STORY.
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: HERE'S THE SECOND THING I REMEMBER ABOUT THAT.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE DOING A GREAT JOB.
>> I DID A GREAT JOB!
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, YOU WERE DOING A GREAT JOB.
AND YOU WERE LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL."
>> THE FIRST TIME.
>> Stephen: AND THEY HAD, SIR, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE WHILE WE DO
THIS.
I LEFT, WENT DOWN TO THE McDONALD'S IN THE LOBBY OF THE
HOSPITAL, GOT MYSELF A COFFEE AND HASHBROWNS, CAME BACK UP,
AND YOU WERE LIKE, "WEEE!
I'M READY TO RUN THE NEW YORK MARATHON."
>> DRUGS.
>> Stephen: DRUGS AND KNIVES.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING WITH.
>> THIS IS A SWEET ONE.
>> THESE ARE REALLY SWEET.
THE FIRST DRAFTS ARE VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHY THEY SELL THEM.
>> THE FIRST DRAFT SAID:
BECAUSE...
>> THAT TRACKS.
>> Stephen: WE KNOW.
WHAT HARM COULD ONE GLASS OF WINE DO?
IT WILL MAKE THE BABY SLEEP.
>> EXACTLY!
SHHH!
>> Stephen: SHHH!
THEY'RE TOO OLD, THEY CAN'T SUE AT THIS POINT.
>> THESE KIDS DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
>> Stephen: THEY DON'T?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> I THINK WOMEN DON'T EVEN HAVE A GLASS OF WINE ANYMORE.
I KNOW, THEIR LOSS.
>> Stephen: IT REALLY IS.
>> ONE GLASS OF WINE, I MEAN...
>> HERE'S A "STAR WARS" THEMED ONE.
>> ISN'T TODAY "MAY THE 4th BE WITH YOU?"
>> Stephen: IT IS.
>> I KNEW THAT.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'RE YOUNG AND HIP.
THAT'S WHY.
>> BECAUSE I'M MARRIED TO A NERD.
>> THE FIRST DRAFT SAID: THAT'S SCANDALOUS.
THAT IS SCANDALOUS.
>> SEE, THAT ONE IS A NO.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T SELL THIS.
>> THANK GOD, THANK GOD.
>> Stephen: MAY I HAVE THE NEXT CARD?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IS THIS A SHOW DRESS OR YOUR DRESS?
>> I'M NOT TELLING.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
BECAUSE IF IT'S THE SHOW DRESS LET'S BUY IT AND MAKE IT YOURS
BECAUSE YOU LOOK LOVELY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THE NECKLACE?
>> NO, THIS IS -- >> Stephen: YOU LIKE COMING
HERE-- >> THE SHOES ARE MINE.
DOES THAT COUNT.
>> Stephen: HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS: BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID:
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE SPOT HERE FOR JUST A SECOND?
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY ABOUT YOUR LOVELY MOM
HERE?
>> Jon: OH, YES.
MY MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE AN AUTHENTIC PERSON AND THINK FOR
MYSELF AND BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
THANK YOU, MOM.
I LOVE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE LAST ONE.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR MOTHER'S DAY?
GIVE ME A HINT.
>> I ASK FOR THE SAME THING EVERY YEAR.
WHAT IS IT?
>> Stephen: YOU WANT TO HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND THE NEWSPAPER
IN BED.
NOT EVEN BREAKFAST.
YOU JUST WANT A HOT CUP OF COFFEE--
>> I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THE FIRST PERSON UP.
>> Stephen: YOU WANT TO SLEEP IN.
>> I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP IN ANYMORE.
JUST NOT THE FIRST PERSON-- YOU MAKE THE COFFEE.
>> Stephen: I'LL GIVE THE COFFEE TO THE DOG.
>> AND THE DOG WILL BRING IT UP.
>> Stephen: THIS IS PEPPY.
IT SAYS: THAT'S NICE.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID:
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: EVIE MAGEE, EVERYBODY!
THE BEST MOM EVER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GLENN CLOSE.