I think the pressures got to her and
then she forgot about the people that
cared most me the kids family she got
horny and she acted like because it felt
good in the moment who wouldn't find
that exciting especially when the
alternative is cooking supper night
after night for your kids and then maybe
watching a movie with your husband let's
be honest I was faithful I stuck to our
marriage vows
yeah I've been tempted by always
resistant where she trampled on our
marriage and everything that we built
for a shag in a car park and we've got
two kids under the age of six so you
want to about black and white that's
pretty much how I saw it
I felt like I done the worst thing in
the world
and he didn't waste any chance to tell
me sometimes shouted sometimes hid
muttered under his breath he called me a
slag in front of mine sister he broke
her vase had given him trauma trip to
Venice early in our relationship and the
thing is I took it off I believed it I'd
been this awful person I had sex with
someone else that enjoyed it might only
have been twice but he had and I was a
piece of
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here's the irony I didn't have an affair
because I wanted sex
it wasn't about the sex people always
say is how about sex she always said
that but I couldn't really accept that
because if you take off all your clothes
with someone and it's about sex
[Music]
the irony is I cared so much for Dave
that became bearable it felt like he was
there but not there I'll read for his
hand and nothing
he must have touched me off his own
accord maybe once in the last year I
tried so hard i nagged
Kraus tried to be sweet and
understanding but nothing worked
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you
the thing is I got proud I bottle it up
I never said I'm hurting help me and
that's what led to the affair I didn't
love Dave as much as I did I wouldn't
have felt so rejected and I wouldn't
have reacted so desperately this wasn't
about my lover this was about me and my
husband I was seeing notice me
I exist I've needs other people could
want me
I was asking Dave to love me because I
couldn't take much more I didn't hear
that
I heard I hate you I want to destroy
humiliate you he's got a bigger dick new
he me better than you do I was
reacting out of pride I've been asked so
I really believe myself or is not so
much the affair but not communicating
why I got drawn to it not telling Dave
how I felt how bad it had got for me the
real life weren't about sex but the fact
that I loved my husband and I was scared
he didn't love me
that's what I couldn't be honest about
it's not easy but I realized now that I
had a role to play in the affair and
he didn't just suddenly mysteriously get
horny it was that she gotten hurt and
lonely and that stuff that we can look
at
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it's so easy to play the injured party
the good guy I had every reason to paint
her as the and me as this Saint
but hopefully I'm past that now
in fact that goes I'd actually go as far
as to say that I would take at least 30
percent of the thing 50 50 50 it's okay
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