When I was a little girl
we joined the Orthodox synagogue
We always sat in the back
because my parents were
lower-middle-class,
so they could only afford
what they could afford,
and it seemed as though
it was a three-ring circus.
There was a lot of activity going on
that wasn't even somber.
I remember feeling a void in my heart.
Looking at my father through welled eyes
of tears, and I even sensed that
even back then, God was
speaking to my heart back then
and I couldn't express it.
My mom was up there, my dad was there,
but whatever comfort they gave me
it wasn't gonna fill
whatever it was in my heart.
I was probably one of the only
Jewish children in my grade school
bringing my sandwiches on Passover
Matzah with peanut butter and jelly.
On the Monday everybody was friendly to me,
on the Tuesday everybody was friendly to me,
but by Wednesday I was called
a Christ killer.
Christ killer?
I didn't kill anybody! Who was Christ?
Kids were taunting me and making fun of me.
Anti-semitism is rampant
and it begins very young.
I was in sales, I was selling copiers
and I walked into an office of five men.
They were all kind to me,
they listened to what I had to say,
"Let's go to lunch. My cousins have a
delicatessen around the corner".
"Delicatessen?"
"What religion are you?"
I said "I'm Jewish" and he said,
"Well so is Larry, the owner of the firm".
and over lunch
he said, "You know I'm a Messianic Jew?"
and I said, "Messianic Jew? What's that?"
Larry was sharing with me about
Jesus from my Holy Scriptures
and he shared a Bible verse with me:
"All of us like sheep have gone astray,"
"each of us has turned to his own way,"
"but the Lord has taken the iniquity of us all"
"on Him."
Bing! I got it.
There's always been something
curious in my heart about Jesus.
I was taught that he was Jewish,
that he was a good man,
maybe a prophet,
but that I am Jewish,
and I am NOT to believe.
My father was Orthodox
I come from a line of rabbis
on that side of the family.
The Shema, "Hear O Israel"
"the Lord our God the Lord is one"
was our prayer every week,
and so I said to Larry,
"What do I tell my father?"
They shared with me a Psalm,
Psalm 22, where Jesus says,
"My God, my God,
"Why have you forsaken me?"
"I can count on my bones,"
"my tongue cleaves to the roof of my mouth."
At that moment I knew:
That's Jesus in my Holy Scriptures!
My past teaching about Judaism
came into full light. It was as though
I understood and that it was okay
for me to be Jewish and believe in Jesus.
I know that I am the author of all the wrongs
we are people that need help
and Yeshua is salvation, help, save me!
And I keep coming back to Isaiah 53:6
"All of us like sheep have gone astray"
"each has turned to his own way,"
and yet the Lord laid his life down
as God's servant, as a suffering servant,
and that was one of the biggest keys
that I, as a Jew, needed to really
solidify within my own heart.
He was on the cross, he died in my place
so that I could live the exchanged life
in eternal life, and that nailed it for me.
All of the past history,
all of my past hurt,
all of my past basic knowledge
it all came together
and my life did a 180!
God came into my heart as
a personal realization.
Here I was looking for answers outside of me
but only God's Word inside of me
has changed me. God did for me
what I could never do for myself.
You know it says,
once we're born through the birth canal,
but we're born again spiritually,
and that's what happened to me
in my cousin's delicatessen.
Jesus made me kosher, literally!
I was changed at that moment in that deli
the lights went off.
I feel so positive about Jesus, Yeshua
that he has been on the throne of my heart.
He has been my Lord and Savior
for these years
and I know that eternal life is mine,
not because of any of my own merit,
because of my Messiah living in me.
It has made all the difference in my life,
and I excitedly say,
the best is yet to come!