- WE KEEP HEARING OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THAT THE UNITED STATES IS FALLING BEHIND
IN THE GLOBAL ECONOMY,
IN EDUCATION, IN INNOVATION,
IN EVERYTHING,
AND I'M HERE TO SAY THAT IS NOT TRUE,
BECAUSE PEPSI JUST MADE A HUGE BREAKTHROUGH.
THEY HAVE CREATED A MOUNTAIN DEW
THAT TASTES LIKE DORITOS.
[laughter]
YEAH.
[cheers and applause]
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU TAKE THAT, CHINA.
[laughter]
IT'S A TRUE THING. THEY'RE CALLING IT "DEWITOS."
I'M CALLING IT "MOUNTAIN DEW-NOT."
[laughter]
IT'S MOUNTAIN DEW COMBINED WITH THE FLAVOR
OF NACHO CHEESE DORITOS.
[audience groans]
WHICH BRINGS UP THE AGE-OLD QUESTION:
DO TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT?
IT'S NOT IN STORES YET. SIT TIGHT.
THEY'RE TESTING IT OUT ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES,
WHICH MAKES SENSE,
'CAUSE COLLEGE IS THE TIME FOR EXPERIMENTING,
AND SOME STUDENTS WHO TRIED IT STARTED POSTING REVIEWS ONLINE.
ONE REVIEW WAS FROM SOMEONE AT KENT STATES
WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF JOE NIPPLES.
[laughter]
SO YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST HIM.
AND JOE NIPPLES SAYS, "HONESTLY, IT WASN'T THAT DISGUSTING.
IT'S NOT THE WEIRDEST THING I'VE EVER DRUNKEN."
[laughter]
DRUNKEN?
HE'S IN COLLEGE? DRUNKEN?
MR. AND MRS. NIPPLES MUST BE SO PROUD.
[laughter]
THAT'S OUR BOY.
I WANTED TO CONDUCT MY OWN TASTE TEST,
SO WHO WANTS TO TRY DEWITOS?
I WANT--
[cheers and applause]
IN THE PURPLE, YOU?
[cheers and applause]
REALLY? - YEAH, I'LL TRY IT.
- ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- HILARY LORETTA. - HI, HILARY LORETTA.
WELL, HERE'S THE PROBLEM.
IT'S NOT MADE YET, BUT IT'S TWO INGREDIENTS.
IT'S MOUNTAIN DEW AND DORITOS,
SO HOW HARD CAN THAT BE TO MAKE?
ANDY, PLEASE BRING ME MY CART.
LET'S STEP OVER HERE.
OKAY, HILARY, WHERE DO YOU LIVE? WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I LIVE IN SAN DIEGO. I'M A MOM.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
HOLD THIS ONE SECOND, PLEASE.
OKAY.
[audience groans]
[laughter]
LOOK AT THAT. LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING.
- THAT IS AWESOME. - LOOK AT THE BUBBLES.
I MEAN--
PROBABLY NEEDS MORE. - YEAH, I THINK SO.
GOOD, THICK CONSISTENCY. - OKAY.
THERE WE GO.
LOOK AT THAT.
I MEAN, I'M JUST USING THE INGREDIENTS
THAT THEY SAY IT IS.
IT'S MOUNTAIN DEW, AND IT'S DORITOS, RIGHT?
WHAT IS MORE THIRST-QUENCHING THAN A CHEESE-FLAVORED DRINK?
I MYSELF ONCE IN A WHILE HAVE ROQUEFORT ON THE ROCKS.
I WILL JUST POUR SOME GOUDA CHEESE OVER ICE.
OKAY.
SINCE WE'RE EXPERIMENTING HERE, YOU PUT THOSE ON.
- YOU DON'T WANT A PAIR? - NO, I DON'T NEED THEM.
I'M NOT-- I'M NOT TRYING IT.
[laughter]
[audience groaning]
- HOW MUCH?
- OH. YOU VOLUNTEERED.
I DIDN'T MAKE YOU.
JOE NIPPLE SAYS THAT IT'S NOT AS DISGUSTING
AS HE THOUGHT ONCE IT WAS DRUNKEN.
- I THINK HE'S RIGHT.
I THINK JOE NIPPLES IS ON TO SOMETHING.
- SO IT'S NOT THAT BAD. - IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
- GIVE ME A DIFFERENT-- DON'T USE JOE NIPPLES' WORDS.
WHAT DO YOU--
[laughs]
WHAT DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?
- WELL, IF YOU LIKE DORITOS, YOU'RE FOR SURE GONNA LIKE IT.
- UH-HUH. - IT'S A SWEET DORITO.
- SO YOU DO LIKE IT? WOULD YOU BUY IT?
- I DIDN'T SAY I LIKED IT. I SAID IT WAS--
- SO IF YOU LIKE DORITOS, YOU'D LIKE IT?
- I THINK IF YOU LIKE-- - I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE.
IT IS DISGUSTING.
BUT ANYWAY, THANK YOU FOR TRYING IT,
AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT BACK WITH YOU.
AND WAIT.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A TARGET GIFT CARD, SO...
- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.
AND WE ALL GET TO DANCE NOW.