Participant 1: Stop it! P2: Okay!
[laughs]
Julian: How do you get someone to like you?
You do something nice for them? Cook them dinner? By them gifts? Always pay for the
bill? How often have you gone out of your way to put in the extra mile for someone who
just totally failed you. It's called the Benjamin Franklin Effect. The more time, effort, or
work you put towards someone, the more you are personally invested in them. And the more
you like them, you'll want them to work out. But when you don't let them lift a finger,
you're actually eliminating opportunities for them to invest in the relationship! How
can you care about something you don't have a stake in? Today, we're going to show you
how it works and prove it! First, we brought in a selection of couples and had each person
take a thirty question test, which told us exactly how attracted they were towards each other.
Julian: Alright finished? Okay!
Now, we're going to need a volunteer! P3: I'll volunteer!
P1: I volunteer you! P4: I volunteer Barbara.
P5: I'll volunteer. Julian: We asked for one person to act as
our volunteer and then we kicked them out of the building.
Julian: Okay, you have been volunteered to go outside! Sorry!
Julian: You're going to have to go wait outside! P3: Oh no!
P5: Alright cool! Julian: And you can't leave! This way, they
had no clue what we were up to. We gave the person who stayed a large blank
picket sign and asked them to write a message to the other person that expressed how they
felt about them. And we had them go outside and stand by the door for a minute so the
other person could read it!
P3: Me too!
Julian: And time! Come on back inside! P3: I love you!
P2: I love you too! Julian: Alright, that was that!
Afterwards, we had that person come back in, and write down five things that they liked
about the person. Then we gave our volunteer a bullhorn and told them to go outside and
read off their list. Finally, we had them run back out and fetch them something to drink!
P1: Can you hear me? P4: Barbara! Barbara I'd like to tell you
that you're funny! P2: Your sense of humor, which matches mine
exactly. P6: Your giggle!
P2: Your laugh and your smile! P6: How you write your random nonsense songs.
P2: Your creative flare. P6: Your can do attitude!
P4: You're adventurous! P6: How you handle life's curveballs.
P4: You're goal oriented! P2: Your compassion for others, especially
your willingness to go out of your way to help your friends.
P4: You're a great mother and you're fun to be with.
P2: And your level-headedness in a town full of insane people.
Julian: [whispers] Ask her if she'd like something to drink.
P4: Would you like something to drink? P7: Okay!
P4: We've got water, some soda, some coffee! P7: Water is great.
P4: Okay, coming up! P6: Would you like something to drink?
P5: Water would be great! P8: And I really get a coffee!
P1: Enjoy! P8: Did you put something in it?
P1: Maybe, you'll find out!
P3: Yay! Do you get to stay?
P2: I don't think so! You're welcome! Julian: When they finished their marathon
of niceness we retested how attractive they were to each other. Those who went out of
their way to be super nice to their partner became as much as five percent more attractive.
We're not saying that you shouldn't do brave, beautiful acts of kindness towards someone
you like, but just make sure you allow room in the relationship for the other person to
also give it back and invest in you! So maybe don't insist on paying the bill every time
and driving to their place every time. Give them a shot to invest and put just as much
into it as you do. Whether you're trying to get into a relationship or deep into a long
term one, give your partner a chance to contribute to it!
I'm Julian, and this has been The Science of Love.
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