Wouldn't that be great if it was just Eddie Murphy as like dressed as Eddie Murphy,
but he's like, "I'm a dragon," and everyone's just like, "No, you're not. You're a guy."
He's like, "No, my name's Mushu. I'm a luck dragon. Come on, Mulan. Let's go."
Let's talk about the most annoying Disney sidekicks.
Nina, what's the most annoying Disney sidekick, in your opinion?
I had a tough time choosing here because I find a lot of them really annoying,
to be honest with you. And my first instinct was the gargoyles from Hunchback of Notre Dame.
A solid pick.
Two of whom are named Victor and Hugo, which is the author of the novel. And the third one's-
And what's the third one?
... just named Laverne, which has nothing to do with anything.
They were like, "All right, Victor, Hugo... Uh, Laverne."
And one of them is voiced by Jason Alexander, and he's terrible. He's terrible in the part.
Oh.
And it's also like this is a really... This is one of Disney's darker movies, and it really undercuts
the better parts of the movie to have Jason Alexander's gargoyle
playing poker with a bunch of pigeons and throwing croissants at people, and it sucks.
But the real one I want to take to task today is Olaf from Frozen, who I hate.
And he's the worst part of Frozen. I haven't seen Frozen 2, but I can only assume that he's
also the worst part of Frozen 2. His whole thing is that he's a snowman who wants to walk into the
warm embrace of death and play in the sun-
A suicidal snowman.
... which is weird. Yeah, yeah. He just doesn't want to be around.
A happy suicidal snowman.
He doesn't want to be around anymore, and he does it in the most annoying way possible.
And I just know I'm not alone in this because there was a
really long short before a Pixar movie, starring Olaf, that Disney had to remove
from theatrical releases because every parent was like, "Please, stop." So-
I remember that.
I just know that everybody with a Let-it-go-obsessed
kid shares my Olaf disdain. And no offense, Josh Gad. I saw him in Book of Mormon. I
love Josh Gad. But this character sucks, right? He's just terrible.
You've had enough of Olaf.
I've had way too much of Olaf. And he's
also jarring to look at. He's supposed to be cute but he looks like a horror show.
Every time I look at him, I just think of that horror movie where a truck full of nuclear waste
combines with a truck with a serial killer in it, and it turns into Jack Frost. Has anyone-
Oh, yeah. ... Is anyone aware of that movie?
I'm vaguely aware of that.
The VHS cover was a hologram, so it looked like a snowman. And then when you moved it,
it looked like a snowman with jagged murder teeth?
Yeah, a holiday classic. But, yeah. That's what Olaf brings to mind for me
is like I feel like he's just ready to murder people. He doesn't want to be on the planet,
but yet he persists. If that's his greatest wish, you know, go for it, maybe. No one's going to-
Aw. ... lose a lot of sleep.
Aw.
Sorry, Olaf. I'm sorry.
He is very annoying. No, I'm with Nina. I think-
If he- ... I think-
... If he started to melt, I would be like, "All right. Okay."
This is so dark.
The movie would improve.
I mean, where did you think this was going to go, Tom?
Yeah.
I didn't assume that it was going to be, "Let's kill Olaf." I'll say that was not-
I didn't say kill. I said melt, like just grab a hairdryer and go to work.
You said if he decides that he wants to die, let's just watch him do it.
He'll go-
I didn't say-
... into a cloud. ... watch. I just said-
Listen. ... You know? Let him-
Out of any character-
... walk in the sun.
... Out of any character, Olaf has the best chance at
coming back, right? He's part of the water cycle.
Yeah!
He'll become- He's in the ecosystem. Just let him... Thank you.
He'll come back next winter. That's a good point.
He's fine. He's fine.
Do you hear that, kids? You could be drinking Olaf right now.
Every time you make a snowball, it could be Olaf. Be careful.
Any time you take a shower or you go to the bathroom, Olaf's there with you.
This is where all the kids watching-
Yeah. Very popular among the 8 to 10s.
Oh, God. Yeah. So, that's my answer. Olaf sucks.
Tom, who's your pick for the most annoying Disney sidekick?
You know, I didn't really have a specific one. It's kind of like a five or six-way tie between
kind of what Nina was talking about. Like anytime that they took a serious, dark, terrifying, story,
and it seems like there was this conversation that must've happened about a half a dozen
times at Disney, where they were like, "We can either not make this a children's movie or we
could pile a funny sidekick onto it and watch the kids." So, like the zany raccoon from Pocahontas-
Pocahontas. ... and the-
Oh, yeah.
... the gargoyles. I mean, the Jason Alexander thing doesn't bother me. That was basically par
for course, like you find somebody who's not working as much anymore, and they're a
recognizable comedic actor from back in the... Like it worked once with Aladdin, so he did it.
He was on Seinfeld at the time, wasn't he?
Well, yeah. He was. Wasn't he?
Yeah.
And also, in the aftermath of Robin Williams being kind of a huge celebrity voice in Aladdin,
that kind of kick-started famous people doing voices in animated movies. Against-
Credit where credit's due.
... Against his wishes, but yeah.
Credit where credit is due. Lindsay Ellis has an amazing video essay about that.
Yes. Yes. And that's where I learned that-
You should definitely check out her video about it.
But yeah, I think... I mean, with the gargoyles in
Hunchback, does it help at all that they're clearly figments of his twisted imagination?
I mean, it could.
Does that make it a little bit more palatable?
It definitely would have if...
Aren't they like an active part of the third act though? Aren't they... They-
... They were chucking rocks at people during the revolution, and-
I don't recall.
Yeah, I didn't ever think they were part of his imagination because there's other
magic in that movie. So, I was like, "I guess the gargoyles could move."
They're just real gargoyles? I just assumed...
Yeah. I haven't seen that movie for probably 20 years-
If it was a Fight Club thing where they were in his brain, that would be better.
That rock's hard.
I'd... Yeah. I would... Then I'd-
... be like, "They're my favorite sidekick." I do think they're supposed to be real.
Oh. Well, never mind then.
Yeah, exactly.
Boo.
No, but I know what you're talking about though. They kind of do a Toy
Story thing where whenever anybody else shows up, they freeze, right?
Right, right.
Yeah.
Wouldn't that have been cool if it was somehow tied into the other Disney
gargoyle property, that they were like cousins of the cool gargoyles?
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I don't understand why-
Yeah. ... they didn't do that crossover between-
Right.
Goliath shows up at the end of the movie and is like, "You've all been very mean to Quasimodo,
Keith David." It's like...
Oh, man.
Maybe that's just my dream, I don't know.
Yeah. And then he chews out all the tinier gargoyles for having stupid names. He's like,
"Choose neighborhoods in New York next time. That's better."
That's right, yes.
Yeah.
"Yeah, Laverne. Change your name to something cool."
Laverne?
"Alright. I'm Upper East Side now." That's great.
Okay. So, my-
Brian, what did you have, man?
... Yeah. My pick is controversial.
Ooh.
My pick's really controversial.
Well, we already tried to kill a snowman today, so let's bring it home.
My pick for most annoying Disney sidekick, and I have reasons, is the Genie from Aladdin.
Bold. Okay.
No one's said anything. Tom's got-
That's it.
It's a-
I'm out.
Here's why.
Ooh!
Here's why I picked such a spicy pick. Number one:
First of all, he's great. He's great in the movie, okay? He's very good. But-
Thank you for that caveat.
Bold.
Too good, perhaps. Right? The movie's called Aladdin, not Genie.
That's number one; overshadows our hero, right?
It's easy to overshadow Aladdin.
But that's what I'm saying. This is a movie about Aladdin,
but all we can talk about is Genie this, Genie that, right? That's number one.
Number two: All of his references are very topical and dated references.
There's Bob Hope references. There's-
Kids in the 90s loved Bob Hope.
... Jack Nicholson. Right? Like-
He does The Shining, a movie children
definitely would have seen at the time.
My kid is two right now, right? When I show him this movie in a couple of years,
the Genie's going to be doing all his wacky zany stuff.
And my kid is going to be like, "What is he talking about? What is... What is all of this?
Why are... Why... I don't understand any of these references, Papa." I assume he'll call me Papa.
Papa? And he'll be calling you Papa.
And I'll have to explain to him, "These are all references that predate even my childhood.
And I was a child when this movie came out. And I don't know that I can name
all of these references because this was for my parents. So, your grandparents."
Or worse, you'll have to be like, "Well, The Shining is a movie about alcoholism
and despair. And they're referencing the final act, where a father tries to kill his family."
That's-
Yeah. So-
Wait. Do they do a Shining reference in Aladdin?
I know they do Jack Nicholson.
They do Jack Nicholson.
Do they do a Shining?
I don't think he here's Johnny's his way into the palace.
I thought he did something from The Shining. I mean,
they do it later in Finding Nemo. So, it's still a problem in other kids' movies.
They do a Shining reference in Finding Nemo?
The shark is chasing Nemo and he goes,
"Here's Brucey." And then he forces his way through like a... Yeah.
Oh, my God. There you go. See?
That's a Jaws reference and a Shining reference.
Yeah. I don't think it's so-
It's a lot.
... That's not how kids enjoy movies though. Right, Bri? I mean, like you said-
Yeah. I feel like kids-
... are like he's making funny noises, and they're flying-
... He's doing- ... And there's a monkey.
... silly jokes. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I just wanted to pick something controversial.
Just some... You wanted-
Oh, you just wanted- ... something spicy.
... to break some hearts.
Yeah. I actually really liked the Genie in Aladdin. I don't stand by this-
We all liked the Genie, but-
... at all. If anyone-
So, wait. ... If anyone's watched this-
... long without hitting the Thumbs Down button, I absolutely-
... In terms of overshadowing the hero, do you think that Mushu overshadows Mulan?
Mushu is actually far more annoying than-
I was going to say, Mushu's way more annoying. Yeah.
Mushu's much worse. Yes.
I agree. Yeah.
Which falls into that same category I was talking
about before. It's like this is the story of a young woman-
Right. He was going to-
... killing a lot of people.
... And who is-
And then- ... doing it so her dad doesn't die in battle.
Right.
With good reason.
Let's get Eddie Murphy in here to play a dragon.
Yeah. And then-
Let's pile Gumby on top of that.
... Wasn't he in Shrek
a couple of years later as Donkey? And you were like, "Dude-
Doing the exact same thing.
He sure was.
And I mean, there's a reason that they didn't add Mushu to the live-action
mulan remake. There's no room for him. They didn't have... They should have added-
I'm imagining that-
... the song. .. with horror.
I was 100%... I was holding my breath the entire time. I was waiting for updates
on that live-action Mulan. I was like, "Are they going to bring Eddie Murphy.
And Eddie Murphy returning as Mushu. Yeah.
Oh, God.
Wouldn't that be great if it was just Eddie Murphy dressed as Eddie Murphy,
but he's like, "I'm a dragon," and everyone's just like, "No, you're not. You're a guy."
He's like, "No, my name's Mushu. I'm a luck dragon. Come on, Mulan. Let's go."
Honestly, after he-
We get 20 hours-
... After all his... After his prestige films have
not gotten the Oscars he wants, I would not put anything past this man at this point.
That'd be great though.
He's like, "Dolomite is my name. Didn't get the attention it deserved. I'm just
going to wear like an Andy Serkis suit and pretend I'm a lizard."
I don't even want him to wear an Andy Serkis suit. I want him to just wear a suit.
No, no. I think there's no green being applied.
He's just in the suit with the little bubbles on it.
A hundred percent.
They don't do any effects. He's just wearing that.
Like Tracy Jordan and normal from 30 Rock?
Yeah. Exactly.
Exactly.
... like Dark Knight style, he hires a pilot to fly him in under the radar and to China
to shoot this movie, without having been invited. He keeps airdropping onto the set.
Like-
Eddie Murphy's back.
Cut! Eddie Murphy has returned.
Yeah. So, I'm officially changing my answer from Genie to Mushu.
Yes. Because Genie was mostly just so that I could say
something controversial. But I can't... I don't stand by it. Mushu's my pick.
Yeah, it's Mushu. Yeah.
Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to mislead you, but I kind of did.
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