FOLKS I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT NEXT WEEK'S RELEASE OF
"AVENGERS: ENDGAME."
FINALLY, FINALLY!
FINALLY!
FINALLY, WE'LL GET ANSWERS TO ALL OF OUR QUESTIONS: WHAT
HAPPENED TO THOSE PEOPLE THANOS EVAPORATED?
HOW WILL CAPTAIN MARVEL FIT IN?
WHEN DID THE AVENGERS RECRUIT A FLYING ELEPHANT?
DID I ACCIDENTALLY BUY A TICKET FOR "DUMBO"?
BUT I'M THE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS QUESTIONS.
EVERYONE HERE AT THE LATE SHOW WISHES THEY COULD ASK EVERYONE
ONE QUESTION.
SO WE ASSEMBLED THE CAST OF THE AVENGERS AND LET MY STAFF DO
JUST THAT.
THIS IS "THE LATE SHOW'S JUST ONE QUESTION: AVENGERS EDITION."
♪ ♪ ♪ >> IF YOU COULD HAVE A
SUPERPOWER IN REAL LIFE, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
>> I THINK I WOULD WANT THE POWER TO JUST GET RID OF ALL THE
GARBAGE.
SO, LIKE, A SUPERHELP HERO GARBAGE MAN?
>> BESIDES YOURSELF, WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AVENGER?
>> I GOT TO SAY IRONMAN-- NO, I MEAN CONTRACTUALLY, I'VE GOT TO
SAY IRONMAN?
>> WHO THE AVENGERS' BIGGEST ENEMY.
>> THAT'S EASY THANOS.
>> THANOS.
>> THANOS,.
>> HONESTLY, I'D SAY CHAFING, IF YOU'VE EVER RUN THROUGH AN
INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL WEARING A SKIN-TIGHT BODY SUIT, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
>> WHAT IS CAPTAIN MARVEL'S SECRET WEAPON FOR TAKING DOWN
THANOS.
>> EASY, IT'S COMPASSION.
>> REALLY?
>> NO, I'M GOING TO PUNCH HIM INTO THE SUN.
>> I'M A HUGE FAN OF THE MARVEL CHARACTERS -- OOIRN MAN, HULK,
THOR, BLACK WIDOW, HAWKEYE, CAPTAIN AMERICA.
YOU HAVE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT MAKE A MOVIE WHERE THEY ALL FAEMED UP
TO DEFEND EARTH?
>> THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE IDEA OF THE AVENGERS?
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN ANY OF THE MOVIES?
>> NO, THERE'S A LOT OF THEM.
YOU HAVE SEEN ALL OF THEM?
( LAUGHTER )
>> HEY, WILL YOU SIGN MY SHIRT?
>> THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
( TOILET FLUSHING ) >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> I LOVE YOU, BLACK WIDOW.
>> WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ROLE, BESIDES WAR MACHINE?
>> I GUESS I GOTTA SAY THE ROLE OF MENTOR TO AN UNDERPRIVILEGED
HOCKEY TEAM WHO I HAD TO COACH AS PART OF MY COMMUNITY SERVICE.
BUT IN THE END, YOU KNOW, THEY WERE REALLY THE ONES COACHING
ME.
>> I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF EMILIO ESTVEZ IN "THE MIGHTY
DUCKS."
>> OH, THAT IS-- THAT IS WHAT I WAS THINK-- YEAH, JUST WAR
MACHINE.
>> HEY, MAN, I'M TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER THIS FURNITURE.
ANY CHANCE I COULD BORROW THOR'S HAMMER?
>> NO, NO, IT CANNOT BE USED TO PUT TOGETHER SOME FLIMSY EARTHLY
FURNITURE.
>> OH, SORRY.
>> INDEED, WHAT YOU NEED IS THOR'S ALLEN WRENCH.
YOU KNOW, AVAILABLE ONLY IN LITTLED DERE, OR IKEA.
>> WOULD CAPTAIN AMERICA EVER CONSIDER RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?
>> I THINK HE DOES MORE GOOD OUTSIDE THE SLIKE OPRAH, BUT
WITH MORE PUNCHING.
>> CAN YOU TELL US JUST ONE SECRET ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?
>> MARVEL IS GOING TO KILL ME FOR SAYING THIS, BUT CAPTAIN
MARVEL SAYS THAT SHE'S ALLERGIC TO SCALLOPS, BUT SHE ACTUALLY
JUST DOESN'T LIKE THEM.
>> HI, MARK RUFFALO.
WHAT'S THE HARDEST PART ABOUT PLAYING THE HULK?
>> IT DEFINITELY WOULD BE THE WORKOUTS WHERE I HAVE TO PUT ON
1200 POUNDS OF MUSCLE?
>> CAN'T THEY JUST DO THAT WITH C.G.I.?
>> DUDE, C.G.I.?
I'M AN ACTOR FAMILIAR.
I'M TRAINED.
(BLEEP) MEANS SOMETHING TO ME.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> HEY, JEREMY RENNER, IS YOUR AIM REALLY AS GOOD AS HAWKEYE'S?
>> NOT REALLY, NO.
>> COME ON.
SHOOT THIS APPLE OFF MY HEAD.
>>-- I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
>> COWARD.
>> OH!
YOU MISSED!
( LAUGHTER )
BETWEEN-- >> CAPTAIN MARVEL.
>> BUT I DIDN'T SAY WHO.
>> DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S CAPTAIN MARVEL.
>> OKAY, BUT-- >> IT'S CAPTAIN MARVEL.
NEXT QUESTION?
>> CAN YOU GIVE ME ANY SPOILERS ON THE NEW MOVIE?
HOW DOES IT END?
>> UH, WELL, I COULD TELL YOU, BUT THEN I WOULD HAVE TO KILL
YOU.
LITERALLY.
LIKE STRAIGHT-UP MURDER.
>> OKAY, I ACCEPT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> UH, WELL, IT'S FUNNY, BASICALLY (BLEEP)... INFINITE
GAUNTLET.
>> THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.
>> HEY, HOW COME WHEN YOU GET ANGRY, YOU TURN INTO A GIANT
SUPER-STRONG GREEN HULL, BUT WHEN I GET ANGRY, I JUST TURN
GREEN?
>> THAT'S INSANE, MAN.
>> HEY, MAN, DON'T CALL ME INSANE!
THAT MAKES ME SO MAD!
>> I'M TELLING YOU THERE'S NO OTHER WORD FOR IT.
THAT'S INSANE!
>> OH, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, RUFFA LOW.
>> THIS ONE IS FOR ANYTHING.
WHAT IS STARNLGIO SHORT FOR?
>> SCARLETT JOHANSSON.
>> GOT IT.
>> AND WHAT IS RU RUFFA LOW SHOR FOR.
>> RUFF-LET JOHANSSON.
>> YOU HAVE EVER STOLEN ANYTHING FROM ONE OF THE SETS?
>> NO, I JUST TOOK MY FOND MEMORIES.
>> COOL.
HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN ANYTHING FROM MY APARTMENT.
>> NO, I'M A MOVIE STAR, MAN.
I BUY MY OWN DAMN TOASTER.
>> WAIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS MY TOASTER THAT WAS MISSING?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE )
IS IN THEATERS ON APRIL 26!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE AUTHORS OF "THE HILL TO DIE ON,"
ANNA PALMER AND JAKE SHERMAN.