[ Laughter ]
-Does anybody know how small this desk is?
-This is a normal size.
-This is like a children-sized desk, Jimmy.
-It's a normal-sized desk.
Here we go.
[ Laughter ]
Ahh.
How many times have you been on our show?
-I think around eight.
-Is that correct? -Yeah. A lot of times.
-Eight. So you're family here.
You're welcome here, but we have it all set up for you.
You have identical -- -You got enough Sharpies?
[ Laughter ]
-We have a lot of Sharpies which -- I don't even know why.
We never even really use them. -Yeah, you don't use them.
-But you have props. You have things over the side.
-Guys, Jimmy's got some weird stuff back here.
-Does it feel like a small desk?
-You don't want to know what's back here.
-Do you feel -- It's not that small. Look.
We're both kind of fitting. -Dude, this is weird.
-I know. You're getting cut off. -Yeah. My knee.
This is exciting. I'm excited for this.
Alright. Here we go. Let's do this.
Do you want to do this together?
-Yeah. -Ready?
-We have a great show tonight.
As I said earlier, Jesse Tyler Ferguson is here.
[ Cheers and applause ] Shawn Mendes is here.
I love that guy.
His new single --
-Oh. -Yeah, you got to do this.
-His new single, "When You're Gone" --
-It's out right now.
-"When You're Gone" is out right now.
-He'll be performing it here later in the show.
We're gonna talk and maybe compete
in a game of skill involving eggs.
It's gonna be fun.
-I'm glad you're here. -I'm glad to be here.
-Yeah, there you go, Shawn Mendes.
I love this. Alright, good.
Today is Friday, and that's usually when I catch up
with some personal stuff. -You mean like check your inbox,
return some e-mails, of course, send out --
-Thank-you notes. Yeah, thank-you notes.
I was running a bit behind, so I thought if you guys
wouldn't mind, I'd like to write out
my weekly thank-you notes right now.
Is that cool with you guys? -Is it cool if I write some too?
-Yeah, you can write some. -Yeah, I'd love to.
Do I have my -- Oh, yeah, okay, here we go.
-You got your thank-you notes? -Yeah, I got them right here.
-Okay. You have your pen? -I got my pen.
-Okay.
James, can we get some thank-you note writing music, please?
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
Don't even try to not smile.
[ Laughter ] Oh, my gosh.
-Look at that face. -Yeah, look at that face.
Come on. Look at that face.
[ Laughter ]
That's a good-looking dude. -That's a beautiful man.
-Alright, here we go.
♪♪
Thank you, NFL Draft, for being in Las Vegas
because if there's one place you want to hand a 22-year-old
$50 million, it's Las Vegas.
[ Cheers and applause ] Ooh, yeah.
♪♪ -Thank you, "Top Gun: Maverick,"
for being the movie version of a chest bump.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ] That's very nice.
♪♪
-Thank you, Dr. Fauci, for saying the U.S.
is out of the pandemic phase.
Though I'll believe it when you book a Carnival cruise.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Thank you, Spotify logo,
for looking like three worms decided to spoon each other.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That was a good one. I liked that one.
-You like that one? -Yeah, that was --
-They gave you all the good ones.
Making me look bad on my first time.
-No, no, that was a great one. I think you should have done
this one, but I like this one. Ready?
♪♪
Thank you, 7-Eleven's new breakfast taquitos.
So if you didn't think those taquitos were appetizing before,
now they're filled with eggs.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Wow, you're coming -- That's almost like a sidearm.
-Wow. -Wow.
♪♪
-Thank you, windshield wipers,
for letting my car dance to "Hip Hop Hooray."
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
-♪ Hey, ho, hey, ho ♪
-Oh, yeah, you unbutton.
-I didn't know about the unbutton when you sit down.
-So I just kind of open up. -Ah, this feels a lot better.
-Now it's like, wow, now we can breathe a little bit
and hang out, come on. -Yeah, this is great.
-Dude, this is perfect. -Yeah. I like this.
I could get used to this. -I love this.
We should do this every -- -How you guys doing out there?
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah.
We could do this every night. I love this.
-You need a bigger desk.
-Alright. Ready? -Okay, here we go.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you, water, for always being the perfect duet partner.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I agree.
No, you and water are perfect together.
-You look good with water too.
-No. Isn't it odd it always rains whenever you perform?
-Rains, yeah. -Yeah, indoors.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-It's really unbelievable. -My sleeves are never on either.
-Yeah, no, exactly right. Okay. Here we go.
We'll do this one together. -Alright, okay.
Yeah, yeah. Let's see what we got. Oh.
-Ready? -Yeah.
♪♪
-Thank you, having a co-host,
for making tonight double the fun...
-And half the work.
-There you have it, everybody.
Those are my thank-you notes.