Milkshakes, also known as cold cream smoothies, also known as motorized blendicles, also known as ice cream frictionious maxiumus,
are a great way of taking something that melts in your mouth and making it into something you drink with your face
You suck at cooking yeah, you totally suck
The ratio of ice cream to milk I mostly use is around one cup of ice cream, ideally frozen
to 1/3 cup of milk and that's gonna vary based on how thick you like your milkshake,
how dense your ice cream is, how dry your milk is, and how close you live to the Sun.
I get my milk from this synthetic utter I had installed in my kitchen
mOo0OOO0oOooO00Oo
Now, we'll put that stuff in a blender along with a quarter teaspoon of vanilla extract
And now we have our first milkshake: classic vanilla.
Now, balance your blender vessel up against the wall to get every bit of that liquid gold
or get tongue elongation surgery
Now, usually the garnish tells you a kind of milkshake you've got so we'll garnish this with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Enjoy!
Fun fact: The reason it's called vanilla ice cream is because
vanilla ice cream is traditionally sold out of the back of a van
By the way, you don't need to use a traditional blender
You can also use a stick blender and if your blender isn't strong enough
you can flip it over and if you look closely you can see that
it's now in the trash and it's time to get a new blender
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it
*Blender sobbing*
Lastly, you can tape a fork to a wangjangler, then make blender noises and hope for the best
*Intense blender noises*
Okay, that was supposed to be a joke
But it turns out you don't need a blender to make a milkshake
You can do it with just a fork. The second milkshake is super easy
I'm gonna up my ice cream to a cup and a half and keep the milk at 1/3 cup then add 1
teaspoon of ginger powder and brown
*More blender noises*
Vanilla ginger. This may seem simple and it is simple but it will blow your taste buds minds.
Now garnish with a small piece of ginger and since it has ginger in it,
this milkshake can also be used as a cold remedy and anti-nauseant and anti-inflammatory
And is a good all-around health drink now
Now we'll make a peanut butter chocolate milkshake
Same vanilla base as the last one
2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup or 1 tablespoon of cocoa powder if you want it less sweet
And a big bastard spoonful of peanut butter
*Angry blender noises*
There's this thing milkshake makers do sometimes where they
smear the key ingredient on the inside of the milkshake vessel
so that you can see what kind of milkshake it is
So go ahead and do that if you want to waste some peanut butter and chocolate syrup
And I'm gonna also give it a peanut butter cocoa rim to make it a peanut-butter-chocolate-milkshake-arita
But if you don't want to smear ingredients to show what the milkshake is feel free to just make a sign instead
Now we're gonna make banana caramel
two cups of ice cream,
maybe half a cup of milk,
a full banana,
and two or three tablespoons of caramel sauce, then a pinch of salt
You can call this salted caramel if you want, but it's really salted everything that's in the milkshake,
so let's not give caramel any special attention
Let's call it salted banana with caramel or salted milk with other stuff and instead of smearing caramel on the inside of the glass
Let's smear caramel on the outside of the glass. So it's easy to lick off then we'll garnish that with a banana now
We'll make a maple coconut milkshake, which happens to be vegan, by freezing a can of coconut milk
Realizing that was a mistake because I can't get it past my blender blades, even with pickaxing, until I hacked it apart and added
Around 1/2 cup of almond milk and 2 to 3 tablespoons of maple syrup
Then garnish it with the can.
Now we'll make a matcha green tea and honey milkshake.
A cup and a half or two of ice cream,
some milk,
a teaspoon of matcha powder
1 or 2 teaspoons of old, crusty honey
*Blender noises*
And we'll garnish that with a honeycomb
Or if you have a full bee's nest, that can be a really nice treat!
And if you make too much milkshake, you can put it in a mug in the freezer with a stick to make a popsicle
and then remember you're freezing ice cream. So it's not going to be a popsicle. It's just gonna be very delicious ice cream
so, you know, maybe next time instead use logic before trying that, or just eat the ice cream
*Deafening blender noises*