Heya playa, is there someone in your life that you consider a really close friend but there's
one major problem, they have a huge crush on you and you don't really know how to navigate that?
Don't worry, I'm going to walk you through how to tip-toe around that
situation without hurting their feelings and without destroying your friendship.
It is possible let me teach you how.
Normally, I'm teaching you how to get with your crush but this is kind of the opposite situation.
This is a close friend that likes you and you want to kind of just
let them know that you just want to be friends, so how do you do that?
Well first off you have to be clear and open about what you want.
This is the only way that's going to prevent you from leading them on.
Even if you're doing it accidentally it's very easy to just fall into the trap of
consuming this person's praise and attention.
Who doesn't like compliments?
Who doesn't like someone following them around
and messaging them and just looking at them with these puppy dog eyes like 🥺
But by doing that you're not being fair to them.
You're leading them on to believe that someday you're going to change your mind
about how you see them and in reality, you're not.
You just like the way that they treat you.
So being direct and honest is really the only respectable thing that you can do.
And the easy way to say that is just to let them know,
"hey I really value our friendship and I consider you a close friend of mine.
That's really all I see our relationship ever being and I hope you feel that way too."
It might feel very blunt and straightforward but it's the right thing to do.
It prevents them from investing the time and energy into hoping that
you're gonna like them back, into trying to pursue you,
into trying to win you over and instead they can go on and pursue other people.
And speaking about pursuing other people, this is a pretty controversial take but rule number
two let them know about your romantic interests and other dating partners.
You might feel like you're hurting them or upsetting them just by talking
about other people that you like but there's actually a benefit to this.
Quick story back in the day there was a girl that I was friends with that I knew had a crush on me.
We would talk every single day and eat lunch together but I never talked
to her about other girls that I liked or was actively pursuing.
Instead, I kept our conversation just about us.
Eventually, when she told me that she had feelings
for me she also told me that she felt like I was leading her on.
When I asked her why she said: "well you never brought up any other girls
so I felt like any time you talked to me it was because you liked me".
And that's when I realized I probably should have been open and honest with
her about other people that I liked so that she wouldn't get that impression.
If you know how they feel, don't play dumb and act like they caught
you by surprise by revealing their feelings.
Instead, let them know along the way that you're pursuing other people.
It might feel a bit harsh but it's going to allow them to stay grounded.
They're going to realize that you are actively pursuing other people
and they're not going to misread your intentions and your behavior.
As far as misreading behaviors go this is a rule for you.
Rule number three is to be a good friend to them.
Now, what does it mean to be a good friend?
How can you do that when you know that they like you?
It's actually pretty simple.
If they start to flirt with you, don't flirt back.
If they ask you on a date let them know you'll go but only as friends.
Being a good friend means being respectful of each other's boundaries.
Being there for one another and not taking advantage of the kindness that
they're offering because you know how they feel.
I would even go so far as to say you should try to be their wingman.
Introduce them to other people if you can.
Talk to them about other crushes they may have.
The more you can kind of solidify yourself in that
friend role the better chance they have of moving on to someone else.
And since we're talking about moving on to other people, you may not like this point but rule
number four is to respect their decision if they no longer want to be your friend.
Look, they have these deep-seated feelings for you, and sometimes just being around you
and knowing they can't be with you hurts so they may decide to just end the friendship.
It might be the best thing for them to do in their own sense of well-being.
But the selfish part of you might be thinking but that's not fair, we're friends.
Why can't they just put their feelings aside and not act on them?
Feelings don't really work like that.
If you feel so strongly and deeply about someone it can
hurt knowing that you'll never be with them.
So the advice I've given to people in the opposite position where they
like one of their friends is to let them go if they feel like
they can't be a genuine and honest friend and only a friend to them.
Accepting that your friend can no longer be just your friend is hard.
I'm not trying to downplay it here.
I mean we're talking about you losing a friend.
If you truly care about that person though the best thing
you can do is to support them in that decision.
Look, no one said this is going to be easy but you want real honest friends in
your life and if they feel like they're only playing the friend role and they
really deeply like you they just can't be with you then it's best for them to go.
All of that is to say it's possible but it's hard.
Relationships and friendships are tricky but I hope I've given you enough to work with to
help navigate this newfound friendship you're gonna have with the person that likes you.
Now what I want you to do is to check out the video over there on the screen where I'm going
to teach you how to turn someone down that you know likes you without hurting their feelings.
It can be hard to do because there's always that worry that you're gonna just really
get deep under the skin and hurt them but I'm going to teach you how to do it right.
Check out that video and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.