how fantasizing is crippling you. stay tuned
this is Damon Cart and this is NLP Gym and I'm here with dr. Matt hi we're
talking about fantasizing in the fantasy trap yeah before we get into that if you
haven't already please please subscribe to this YouTube channel so you can get
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so that you'll get notified when new videos are out so fantasizing we had a
person ask us a question from the video we did about happiness and well focusing
on happiness is causing unhappiness yes and so someone asks the question is
fantasizing or no obsessing or obsessively fantasizing about something
you want is that a trap or is that a symptom well any kind of obsession is
always problematic because obsession is based on fixation which means we don't
see whatever is around us but we only focus on one aspect and we become
fanatics of it we become extremists who only want to get one thing and
especially when it comes to fantasizing we don't tend to realize what
fantasizing does to us and what the structure of fantasy is see we only
fantasize about the things that we don't have otherwise we definitely would
admire what we have or we would simply be grateful for what we have which means
that we use mechanism of desire we imagine ourselves a certain way and we
figure out that if only we become the way we imagined suddenly somehow
magically we will be saved there's many different types of fantasies that people
have for example they can fantasize about being a savior that they saved the
world or they invent some sort of a drug that will cure humanity or they have
fantasies like for instance father can imagine that he dies somehow protecting
his baby daughter or somebody fantasized that they
will be another Steve Jobs or another very famous CEO all this is based on the
premise that I am not supposed to be Who I am I am supposed to be someone else in
my imagination this is gonna have positive and negative effects positive
effect is that your motivates it so achieve what you want because you
imagine instead of being better there's the visualization process it's
planning its organizing who you might be but also not understanding the concept
of fantasizing will lead you astray because fantasy and who you are in the
fantasy fulfills what you lack of in real life for example when people
imagine that they save someone else life then they should ask themselves a
question what am I missing in my life right now that I add this type of
hallucinations to my life because basically there is not enough with what
I have and it's interesting they did this research on a second life you know
like games that people play in in real life and then they discovered that
people would choose personalities in second life that would somehow fulfill
what they were lacking in their regular real life example of this will be that
some housewife was choosing a suitably attractive
independence fever female that was very popular among gather man rights and she
was she had a very regular life in a real life but in second life she wanted
to set the earth she wanted to be a mistress she wanted to be very strong
and independent then there was one guy was obese in his real life so he chose a
character who was all muscled buffed up and so on so it seems that people would
compliment their lives with external fantasies and with something that gives
them a sense of fulfillment and it led me to a conclusion that fantasy plays
what I'm missing in my life is balance and this is really interesting because
it means that when I am imagining myself being a certain way mat that I see in my
images in my fantasies somehow takes away from me the possibility to change
for example if I imagine myself being a savior of command-c then what am I
missing in this life why am I not saving people in this life in the real life but
fulfilling what I may serve and what I'm lacking with a clone and I used to call
a personality from my fantasies Matt from my fantasy the clone so the door is
there alone and I see that paper in
my imagination my cologne as things that I don't do so rather than stinking only
to fantasy which only frustrates me which cripples me because then it means
I'm not good enough I would start doing what my fantasy was showing me and then
in most cases I would notice that fantasy was just thinking that I'm not
good enough rather than imagining that I am a world
Savior or I'm the most attractive the most rich the most handsome whatever the
most something person I would focus on this life and ask myself a question how
can I improve for instance life of others rather than
escaping my fantasy happens also and sexuality people have certain fantasies
and when they actually realize what this fantasy does is that it always idealizes
and objectifies the people who are in the fantasy I mean if you think about
what kind of people you imagine in your fantasies these people always behave the
way they should they are always ideal they are always perfect and I mean life
is not like that so what I noticed that mad from my fantasies was actually
making me feel worse because she was doing things that I was missing in my
life so I started to take my resources that he was stealing me that my ego was
stealing me and I started to implement it in my real life and that's what 99%
of situations that I was fantasizing about I was never interested in because
it's it's like thinking that you really crave sugar you only want to buy a
doughnut then you buy a doughnut you bite it and
after the first bite you realize that it's enough but you're in imagination
you thought you wanted a whole pack of doughnuts right you know 16 doughnuts
and what surprised me with that is that when I started to 3 myself from my
fantasies I noticed that I can be more present in my life and thanks to this I
can make my life my fantasy rather than escaping reality feeling
I would have the resources per of my fantasies to my real life so that my
fantasy rather becomes an inspiration but not a place to escape to because I
started believing him desire because desire always objectifies what you want
desire always idealizes what you want for instance we imagine if we get a
beautiful convertible we're gonna be so happy but then we
don't think that convertible is a gas guzzler we don't think that convertible
is going to be to attract the attention of others we don't think how expensive
the insurance is going to be and so on and so on
we simply idealize what we desire then once we get what we desire we realize
our fantasy we threw cheated because now reality doesn't support it because if
you have something in reality always positive and negative aspects to it
right so I started to get rid of my fantasies in a sense I treat them as
piece of information Matt I imagine in my fantasy I know that he doesn't exist
and he is source of information what I should add to my life to become more
fulfilling people fulfilled more complete and this way rather than
escaping reality i enhance it but it's not my imagination that is stealing my
life from me it's me who needs to do something a little bit more in my life
maybe when I'm thinking I should save other people rather than imagining
myself as another Jesus maybe I should simply ask myself a question who needs
more of my time and then my baby daughter comes to mind and this is how I
will be saved we really don't need to idealize ourselves in our inflated egos
inside our fantasies so think that once we become that special person we will be
happy where we say that we will be better what we need to do is to focus on
what's missing in our real lives and work on it and then hence what we have
in order to be more happy so to answer the question is obsessing
obsessively fantasizing is it a trap or a symptom to go back to that question
what would you say to that you know what's a simple answer well a very
simple answer is that it's a trap because when you fall into fantasy then
you are always better in your illusion than in the real life and it will
cripple you because you will never feel good enough and secondly it's a symptom
of what's missing from your life and it should make you realize that in your
real life you're not 100 percent of who you want
to be that you should work on it so that you become happier human being and then
you will see that when your life real life becomes your fantasy you will not
need any more fantasies from your hallucinations and you will be free so
no it's a symptom so know that there's something you need to find yes that
you're not getting yes find what that is yes bring it back to yourself or work on
it yes and then stop the fantasy bring it
into reality and stop idealizing this opposite or not opposite a separate
reality of who you are that doesn't exist will never exist yes because that
reality is stealing from you your resources get them back see who you
imagine yourself to be and get it from the image and incorporate it into your
life all right well I hope that answers your question
it was a very good question and as always I welcome whatever questions you
have and really enjoy when you leave comments so please do that all the best
from San Diego thank you very much from San Diego and
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we are getting more and more busy alright take care thank you stay very
tuned ok how fantasising is crippling you
it's yours you say that stay very tuned indeed oh you want me to say stay tuned
and you say very strict it doesn't really matter why fantasizing
is crippling you and tuned you shall stay how fantasizing is crippling you
thank you time to go home