Depression is the only illness where people want to know your qualifications. I'm asked all the time:
"Like… what do you have to be depressed about?"
- "Well, I–" - "You're like, I don't know, in a loving relationship"
- "Yeah, but–" - "…and your career is going well. So like, why then?"
-"Well, I mean, there's no good like reason for it. That's why it's called clinical depression,"
"because if there was the reason I would just be justifiably sad."
- "Oh"
"I still don't get it"
And people are always offering me unsolicited advice like:
"Have you tried… positive thinking?"
"I have one word for you:"
"probiotics"
"Meditation is the answer because depression can't exist in the zen zone."
Mental illness is its own unique conundrum because if you have a physical ailment people are immediately sympathetic
"Oh, no, I'll make you some soup."
- "Hey, let me know if there's anything that I could do for you."
- "Oh, you poor baby. Do you want me to bring you some healing crystals?"
But if that illness is mental? Yeah, they kind of have a different attitude about it
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"
I think that's the best way to talk to someone with depression is actually not talking at all but listening with
compassion and not trying to provide solutions.
I mean unless that solution is encouraging someone to go to therapy
which is great to therapy is awesome everyone should do it.
But not necessarily trying to fix somebody's illness.
And I know that our instinct when someone is sad is to try to cheer them up or try to help them
But depression isn't personal and it's not going to go away with a pep talk.
You can say supportive things like:
- "I'm here for you"
- "Is there anything that I can do right now?"
- "Look, you may not believe it right now, but the way that you're feeling is totally going to change"
But maybe stay away from:
- "Look on the bright side!"
- "We all go through times like this."
- "Like depression is just all in your head. You can totally overcome it, it's just mind over matter."
And I think it's also really important to note that you should try to protect yourself too when dealing with a depressed person
If you're naturally an empath or susceptible to other people's emotions,
it can be really difficult to separate yourself from it.
I mean, I've definitely been guilty of trying to be there for a depressed person,
and letting their illness affect my mental state which isn't good for either of us.
So setting your own boundaries to protect your emotions is so important.
And if you're talking to a depressed person or depressed yourself
I think a good rule of thumb, for that and for life in general, is just that:
Everybody wants to be heard.
So listening with compassion can make a huge difference in somebody's life
I know it sounds like so simple and obvious, but you would be surprised and how rarely it actually happens.
I'm Anna Akana, good luck
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