- It's now time for tonight's Hashtag Wars!
Ladies and gentlemen, Stephen Colbert!
I said "Stephen Colbert!"
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Buddy, I apologize, I am just way too swamped this
week to get out to LA.
Have a great show though!
- No actually Stephen, we're in New York,
we've been in New York all week, we're not in LA.
- Right, yeah sure.
Well regardless of the where, the fact is I don't have
a show tomorrow and I have to get ready for that.
- Are you serious because you're literally like right
down the hall, you couldn't just pop in?
- Meetings Chris, full day of meetings.
I wish I could get out of it but I believe it
was Shakespeare who wrote "when in disgrace with
"fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my
"outcast stage and trouble death end with my fruitless
"pride, and look upon myself and choose
"my rage, wishing me..."
(cheering)
- Hey.
(greeting)
- Good meeting you.
- Hey!
Absolutely, Chris Hardwick everybody, Chris Hardwick.
- Good set.
- Hey Chris how are you, good to see you man,
thanks for stopping by.
- Thank you yeah, you're busy, I get it.
- Yeah I am, yeah.
- Could you please just introduce tonight's
Hashtag Wars like you said you would?
- Chris I would love to, but I am super crunched
for time here.
- I know, I will give you 60, 60 dollars.
- It's time for tonight's Hashtag Wars!
In honor of my close personal friend Chris Hardwick's
visit to New York, tonight's hashtag is hashtag
"NYC in three words."
Examples are "the big apple," "thin crust pizza,"
and "Colbert's town bitch."
- [Chris] Jesse Joyce.
- No (bleep) you!
(cheering)
- Jim Norton!
- Ebola doctor bowling.
- [Chris] Points, Jesse Joyce!
- Jump you pussy!
- Points, Kurt!
- No hot water.
- Points, Jim!
- Gay bathhouse overpriced!
- [Chris] Points, Kurt.
- Dominicans are loud.
(laughter)
I was in Washington Heights.
- Jim!
- Bike lanes abomination.
- Points!
Kurt Metzger.
- Beaten by Elmo.
- Points, Jesse Joyce.
- Only in New.
- [Chris] Points, Kurt Metzger.
- Eat pray murder.
- Points, Kurt Metzger.
- Don't defend Brooklyn.
- Points, Jesse.
- Every Puerto Rican.
- [Chris] Points, excellent.
Yes John?
- The Neapolitan museum of art, chocolate and vanilla
is only on display this week but strawberry's there
all year.
- Points, very complex, I enjoyed, Vicki.
- That one place where Meg Ryan faked an orgasm,
John Mellencamp's apartment.
- Yes, points! (laughing)
Judah?
- Perry Ellis Island.
- Yes, points, Nikki.
- The M60 bus my roommate was fingered on.
- (Laughter) Points!
John?
- The last living Ramone, wait what?
Oh, nevermind.
- Okay points, oh!
Oh the crowd came around, Judah.
- Assault and battery park.
- [Chris] Yes, points.
Gaffigan.
- Collin Quinn medicine woman.
- (Laughing) Points.
Kyle.
- Laurel and hardon.
- Yeah points, points, Mike Black.
- Ben still birth.
- Yes points, points.
Jim.
- Lewis Blackface.
- [Chris] (laughing) Points, Mike?
- Jim the body Gaffigan.
- Points, oh well, well played, Jim!
- Roseann salad bar.
- Points, Kyle.
- Louis Anderson but without a shirt on.
- Jim, Jim.
- Patton Harvey Oswald.
(laughter)
- [Chris] Yes Hari.
- Soup or Mario brothers?
- [Chris] Yes points, points, Bridget.
- Why are my paints so wetris?
- [Chris] Points, Jeff Ross!
- Halo, I can't hear you.
- [Chris] Points.
- Donkey Kong senior.
- Points, Hari.
- The legend of I can't remember her name.
- Points, Bridget.
- Wii in adult diaper sports.
- (Laughing) Hari.
- On a related note, Call of Duty.
- [Chris] Yeah points, points, Jeff Ross.
Oh you lost it, Bridget.
- Left for Dead.
- Yes points! (laughing)
Yes Hari.
- Final Fantasy, literally.
- [Chris] Points.