How do you make a guy want a relationship?
Okay, in two of my recent videos, I've talked about a concept called
"boyfriend benefits."
In my videos How To Make Him Chase You and What Do Men Want in a
Relationship, put them in the description below, I talked about "boyfriend benefits"
and these are the things that make a man want to upgrade to be your boyfriend.
But how do you find that balance? It was nicely summed up by Selena
and a quite a few of you have been sending in questions like this.
Selena said, "How do you show interest in a guy?
Spend time with him, maybe even sleep with him, but not give him the girlfriend
benefits while you're not yet exclusive. What does that balance look like?"
It's a great question and that's why today in this video, I'm going to show you
what the balance is between giving the guy too much versus making sure you're
also not playing hard to get. Stay tuned.
[Music playing]
All right, so I talked about this in one of my Ask Mark videos, but I really wanted
to expand on the concept because this is the number one thing that you've got
to balance out if you want to date a guy but also have him upgrade to the boyfriend.
How do you balance not giving him everything that he wants versus
you don't want to be weird and play hard to get. So the first thing you've got to
consider is what are the boyfriend benefits?
So we talk about support and love. We talked about companionship,
we talked about security and loyalty. We talked about sex on tap, and we
talked about excitement. Now, I want to relate this to a metaphor that I've used
before and it's the metaphor of a gym. When you walk into a gym, what
happens? They don't give you an unlimited access pass.
If they gave you an unlimited access pass, the gym would be used for it
and they don't give you a pass that gives you unlimited access to one
section of the gym in the hope that eventually you'll upgrade your
membership to the rest of the gym. Fitness centers are very smart.
What they do is give you an unlimited benefits pass, but you only get limited
access. You might only get to use it for seven days or 14 days or X number
of visits. And this is the metaphor that I want you to think about the boyfriend
benefits throughout this video with.
The first one is support and love.
So what women do too much with support and love is they become a
man's fulltime supporter before they are his girlfriend. So they're always on
call to support a guy like a good girlfriend would be, let's relate this to
a practical example.
Say you have a dinner that night with your friends and you get a text from the guy
that says, "Hey, I've had a really down day. The boss just was off his kilter today
or I didn't get the promotion." Whatever. Too much is when you're there for him
all the time. So you cancel on your friends and you go in to see him or
more commonly what a lot of women do is they still go to dinner with their
friends, but they spend the whole freaking time texting him. In other words,
they make him a priority while they're still with their friends. The balance here
is to say, "Oh no, that really sucks. I'm so sorry to hear. Got to head out to dinner
with the friends, but talk to you about this after or sometime tomorrow."
You don't give him that support whenever he needs it.
As soon as you become his on-call supporter, you're giving him too much.
At the same time, you're still a brilliant supporter when you're with him.
Remember the gym analogy, unlimited benefits. When you're with him,
you hold nothing back. He is your top priority. That's the healthy way high
value women interact is they make the people they're with a priority at the time,
but then when they go away and do other things, they make those things
a priority.
So what about companionship? Well, it's similar with companionship.
It's too much if he can just rely on you to be his fulltime companion all the time.
Now, men love companionship.
They absolutely love, that's the biggest relationship benefit that so many men
miss after a breakup. But if he can have that all the time, if you're starting to
cancel things in your life to just go in there and hang with him three, four, five days
a week, then you're quickly becoming that full time companion that only a
girlfriend should be.
When you're there. When you're with him, you're going to be his best companion
in the world and you're going to give him a window into how awesome being a
member would be, how awesome signing up to the full package would be,
but you don't go over there and be his companion all the time, not without you
also getting what you want.
So the third thing is security and loyalty.
What a lot of women do is they say to a guy right at the beginning of dating
him first or second date, they say, just so you know, I'm the type of woman who
dates one guy at a time when the guy was like, "Sweet, well, I got massive
benefits there. I can go ahead and do my thing. She's going to be waiting for me."
No. If he has to wonder, rather if you have to wonder if he's seeing other women than
he has to wonder if you're seeing other guys. That's the why it works.
That's balanced. That's investment for investment.
Even if you're not seeing other guys, he can wonder why, because as long as
that's playing on your mind, it has to play on his too. That's a boyfriend benefit.
Number four is sex on tap. Now, whether or whether you don't decide to have sex
with the guy before you're exclusive to him is your personal choice, but if you
do, you don't hold back. You still make it the best sex he's had.
You give him that window, that unlimited benefits window, but you don't make it
available all the time. Let's take a practical example. You're going out on a
Saturday night and you really liked the guy and he says, "Look, I don't want to
head out tonight, but come around after like come around 10-11 after you've
hung out with your friends midnight."
It's too much. If you say, "Yup, I'll be there for sure." You don't know what's going to
happen that not the healthy balance. Woman says, "look, I'd love to see you,
but I'm with the friends tonight so let's play it by ear." She doesn't give him
guarantee. She's not his booty call. If she wants a booty call, she'll do it
on her terms, but she's not there to come at his beck and call.
Booty calls on this amazing sexual experience that she offers are going
to be on her terms at her convenience and not the other way around,
and when the experiences are phenomenal, this is going to make
the guy want those experiences more and want to upgrade to the
girlfriend package.
And finally, excitement.
So you slowly bring a guy into your life. It's too much if you are already bringing
him into everything. And even worse, if you start canceling the exciting
things you were doing that he was so attracted to in the first place to spend
time with him. So maybe you do invite him out to a casual barbecue with your
friends, but you don't invite him out to a friend's birthday dinner.
You do that on your own. You go and do these things that you're doing, you keep
doing them. And slowly but surely over time you bring them into more and more
of them as he prioritizes you and you prioritize him back.
That's the healthy way for him to come into your life and build more and more
priority as time goes on. And if you're doing this right and you're living this
exciting life that's bringing energy and great things to him, he's going to go,
"Bugger this single life. It's way more fun and exciting being with this girl."
And if you can get him believing that, you have got the guy in the bag.
So to summarize, you've got to find this balance. Think about it like a
gym membership. You're giving the guy unlimited benefits when you're with him
and you're prioritizing him cause you have a healthy balance. You're high
value woman, you're not going to be with him and texting your friends.
It's just plain rude. But the same goes the other way. You're not going to be
at work texting him all the time. You're not gonna be with your friends texting him
all the time. You're going to prioritize other things. And it's this balance of healthy
priorities where you shine your light on him for a small period of time and hold
nothing back. And then you remove that light for his life not because you're trying
to make him miss you or because you're trying to get a reaction, but because you
just have other healthy priorities.
That's what you do and that's how you live. And when you take this approach and
you leave the guy without your priority, for a lot of the time, he is going to want
to have a high priority in your life. And as he does, you can have the exclusive
conversation, you can work towards something more serious, you can go
from there and he's going to feel like he really earned it.
So ladies, that is how to make a man want a relationship with you and Selena,
that is the balance. That's what the balance looks like between not giving
a guy too much and giving him everything he wants from a relationship, but also
making sure you don't play hard to get. Well, thank you so much for watching
and I really hope you enjoyed the video. I hope you got a heap out of it and
hopefully those practical examples gave you a great idea of the way to manage this.
So let me know your thoughts. As always, comments, questions, everything down
below. Put them in, hit the like button. If you enjoyed the video and make sure you
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I shall see on the next video.