- [Director] Action!
- So.
- Oh!
(laughter)
- Oh my god, you okay?
Shit.
- Plum Miller and her mother, Blueberry Momma Miller
became overnight sensations with
their hit reality show, Precious Plum.
(gagging)
(audience and host laughs)
- Baby, you don't know what the fuck you're talkin' 'bout.
(Plum snorts)
Baby, you don't know what the fuck you're
(snorting)
talkin' bout.
- We've lived in the car.
- And after that.
- We ain't had no license plate for a while.
(laughing)
- Hang on now, I'm gonna open up my candy bar.
You gonna laugh?
- No!
- You'll laugh when your momma's talkin'?
- Yeah!
- We'll I'm gonna take it back, okay?
- Alright.
- We're gonna go back a few lines of dialogue.
- Okay.
- Can you say dialogue?
- Dialogue!
- Okay good.
Okay here we go, ready?
- No.
- Okay can you say action?
- Action!
- Good, you a director now, good. Okay listen up.
Hey, I'm gonna need you to focus, take a deep breath,
good like Uta Hagen. Say "Uta Hagen".
- Uta Hagen.
- Say "Lee Strasberg".
- Lee Strasberg.
- Say "shaving exercise".
- Shaving ess-er-cise.
- Says "memory".
- Says memory.
- Good, your an actor now. Listen. What happen
to last time we got...
(loud laughter)
- You don't got no nothing. You don't know nothing.
You don't have nothing. Okay. Hey! Stand up.
Plum get up now. We have to start over, you know why?
- Why?
- Momma fucked up. That's why. Say "I'm ready".
- I'm ready.
- Take a deep breath.
(loud inhale)
- Good.
(laughter)
You're an actor now. Say "Uta Hagen".
- Uta Hagen.
- Good, you focus okay. Here we go.
(laughter)
- Alright, everyone relax. Good ready? Alright.
Hey what happen?
(laughter)
- Say "Uta Hagen".
- Uta Hagen. Okay say "Uta Hagen".
- Uta Hagen.
- You relaxin'?
- [Brian] Oh my god.
- Break your heart, Brian!
(loud laughter)
Grant O'Brien, actor in "See Plum Run"? You are hired sir!
- Fantastic
- Oh, my nail fell off.
- Jesus, what is the matter with you.
- I haven't had a vegetable in four years. You got one?
- You should.
(laughter)
- Oh sorry. I have a lot of nutrition. Oh, my nutrition.
- You've gotta, you've gotta eat a vegetable once.
- No!
- Just one time.
- Oh fuck, oh my nutrition. Oh, my nutrition.
(laughter)
- [Man Off Screen] You're a pig!
(laughter)
- [Plum] She a cat!
- [Man Off Screen] You're a pig!
- I'm a cat!
(laughter)
- [Man Off Screen] You're a pig!
- I'm a cat! Sorry...
(laughter)
- She turned into a monster.
- Sugar makes me normal! Nam nam nam nam.
(eating sounds)
(laughter)
- You see what I'm lookin' at?
- [Man Off Screen] Pictures of yourself?
- Yeah.
(laughter)
- So, as it turns out poison, oh fuck me, there goes my
brain mush. Turns out sitting on the couch poisons.
Put me in a leather jacket and make me say words
(laughter)
under the light. It's a weird thing to make a human do.
Right Eileen? I'm in plum-ups!
I'm in plum-ups.
Uh-oh! Justin's blood pressure is rising.
It's almost time for chicken in the back yard with Paul!
I'm not goin' crazy. Alright.
(clears throat)
- I'd say go for it.
- Hey whoa!
- Stop!
- Take that ass out. Take out that ass,
all doors are locked. All the doors are locked!
- [Man Off Screen] All the doors ...
(laughter)
- Do I look mean if my hand are in a triangle? Or is
that like less mean.
- [Man Off Screen] Yeah!
- It's like "Listen, bitch". Okay.
It's like Illuminati shit too, like who fuckin' knows!
- Kennedy provide rigorous education for
middle and high-school students of all backgrounds.
Regardless of race, means or creed.
(laughter)
Regardless of race, means or creed.
(laughter)
- Alright, ready?
(clears throat)
Oh shit.
(laughter)
Yeah try not to fucking be loud, ready? I'll try it again.
Let's see who doesn't laugh. Ready? Is it really quiet?
Because it's such a good idea. Ready? Oh shit,
creed order? OH!
- Psst. Got any lollipops? Ring Pops?
Pop Tarts?
Sweethearts? Sweethearts?
- No.
- Sweet Tarts?
- No.
- Pssst. Can I have a lollipop?
(laughter)
- Pssst. Can I have a lollipop?
(laughter)
- Who's careful? It was a midnight flush!
(clears throat)
- [Plum] Momma? You okay?
- Tap me on the back.
(cough up)
Still got that condom in there.
- Make me. Huh! Oh shit, it fell out.
- [Man Off Screen] Three, two, one, go!
(vomit spray)
- [Sick Girl] You're eye can see!
(laughter)
- [Man Off Screen] Wow!!
(moaning)
(laughing)
(itching)
- Ow! Oh! Oh shit. Sorry.
- What is this?
- Candy.
- No, that's not candy!
- That might be candy.
- That's not candy, that's not even a snack.
- It might be candy.
- That's a globe and pen set!
- It could be a snack. It could be a snack.
- But it's not a snack. That's from my children!
Hello, give me the nurse please.
- No, we're not doing anything right now.
(laughter)
- Little bit more? Good, good, good, good.
Thank you so much.
Happy Halloween! That's what we call a trip! Bahh!
Happy Halloween.
- That is not a sea! You know how to swim?! Maybe you should
join the swim team. Where is Coach Thorne? Coach Thorne.
Wow! Now she's a dancer. Unbelievable. Oh really rag-timen
it up, Plum. Unbelievable.
(mouth smacking)
- [Director] Cut!
- Shut the fuck up, ya brock a bitch! And you
can quote me on that! You quote me on that!
(laughter)
You probably wonder how I'm getting so Steven Seagal.
Ha bitch! Cause I have bad knees!
(laughter)
- Sorry, sorry.
You're probably fascinated by how.
(laughter)
(grunting)
(Plum singing)
- [Director] Cut!
- Now Harris and Jim, they a couple of bad boys.
Bad boys - what are they gonna do when I come for them?
- Nailed it!
- Ow!
(laughter)
- I made Bo...Bo lost his shit.
This one's for Bo. Nailed it!
(laughter)
- Doctor said I could have died.
- That's not true! No. I tried to kill you once before
you were born.
(laughter)
(screech laugh)
- Get it all out. Get it all out.
- I tried to kill you, I tried to kill you once before
you was born. I tried to kill you once before you was born.
And you always return, you a devil you hear?
(screech laughter)
- No, no, no. I tried to kill you before you bitch.
I tried to kill you before you fuckin' bitch, and now
you fine now. You're a tough cookie now. Ah-oh.
We better wipe this off my prosthetic.
Now I understand, Little Johnny and Little John-Gina, okay,
they need a little yogurt with their Fro-Yo. Okay?
You okay?
(laughter)
- I'm losing my fucking mind Sam.
I'm dressed in rubber and plastic. I'm literally wearing
a mattress. My thirty-something friend in corduroys, dude.
You are shooting me with a red on the zoom camera.
Help!! Help!!
- Strangle me like I owe you drug money?
(singing)
- Lo-oo-ve is a cure! Um, you know the tune?
(laughter)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(laughter)
- Oh no!
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- Alright. Let's all relax!
- Miss Miller, some of your language - god!
(laughter)
You can't make noises!
(laughter)
Sorry!
- No, no. This is literally the first time you've broken.
- Okay.
- You can have five.
(loud laugh)
(loud exhale)
- Ohh!
- Relax!
- I'm relaxed!
- Relax!
- I'm trying!
- Hey!
- Whut?
- Plum!
- What?
- Staa, still!
- Okay y'all shush! I wanna pregnant quiet.
- Everyone shut the front door. All ready? Watch this.
Not gonna happen. Alright ready? Alright. Watch this.
Shhh. Stop. Alright ready? You too!
Sophia, or I'm gonna send you back to Gardiner,
Gardiner, Montana. Alright ready?
- Shut up! Everyone stop! It's not like I'm being funny!
Fuck off!
- Shush! Everyone shush! Alright ready? Shush!
- Shush! I don't wanna hear any giggles from that greenroom
bullshit video village shit. Oh! Stop!
Good boys.
- Shush! Alright. Hey!
(laughter)
Alright. Shush! Alright here we go. Ready? Here we go.
(clears throat)
I'm stuck. Alright it's like a broken record,
I can't stop it. Alright. Everyone stop laughin' it's
not my fault. Ready? Alright. Everyone close your eyes.
Alright, ready? Here we go. Hey! Sorry I've been stuck
in a groundhog day of being a bad actor. Alright, ready?
Alright, here it goes. Why now? It's cause I had
that chocolate Paul!
Why did you give me that? Paul! It's all Paul's fault.
Yeah, your on camera!
(loud drop)
(laughter)
- Oh, daddy!
- [Director] And cut! Let's reset.
- Three, two, one! And we givin' away corsages.
Mamma's idea thank you so much.
Cut. Print. Imma go take a shit.