Things that you can acceptably call 'Exotic'. Rainbow lorikeets.Ooooooo. Mangosteens. Ahhhhhh.
Lilly pads so big that babies can rest on them. Ooooooooooooo-uh? What shouldn't be
called 'exotic'? People.
Now you might be wondering why someone like me with very pale white skin who has never
ever been labeled exotic is talking about this but this is actually a conversation that
I've been having for months now with Stuff Mom Never Told You podcast listeners. It all
started earlier in 2014 around Academy Award season when everybody was talking about Lupita
Nyong'o and her incredible role as Patsey in '12 Years a Slave'. Critics and the public
alike were hailing not only her incredible acting but also her beauty, which was being
described over and over again as exotic. Which as a number of people quickly pointed out
was not exactly a compliment. When you exoticize and fetishize someone it's actually an example
of what's called a racial micro aggression. Say it with me. Racial micro aggression. A
racial micro aggression can be defined as an everyday slight, put-down or invalidation
indirectly targeted toward a marginalized group. Mmm-hmmm. You might be thinking but
I mean it as a compliment. My intentions are good. Your intentions sort of don't matter.
Chescaleigh has an entire video on that that you should totally watch if you don't really
know what I"m talking about. A lot of times the message that it communicates to the recipient
is hey, I think you're super hot and desirable because you don't really look like what your
ethnicity would lead me to believe you should look like. Mmm-mmm, nope. But don't just take
it from a pale white lady like me, no no no, take it from all the Stuff Mom Never Told
You podcast listeners who wrote to us sharing exactly what it is like to be called 'exotic'.
Listener Taj who is half Sri Lankan, half Caucasian wrote to say, 'I'm in the entertainment
industry and when I first got an agent they were so excited to find out I was mixed. They
told me because people can't really identify what I am, I'm considered safe. I'll be honest
and say I'm still not really sure what that means.' Lillian who is of Puerto Rican and
Chinese ethnicity writes, 'The first person to call me 'exotic' was my white male homeroom
teacher in my freshman year of high school. Now whenever someone calls me 'exotic' I say
"Oh great, another one who wants to put me in a cage." A parrot is exotic. I'm from New
Jersey.' Kim writes, 'My friend is biracial, black and white, and I am from Trinidad with
almond-shaped eyes and bone structure that often leads people to assume that I have Asian
heritage. This guy who is black as well, starts to chat up and at some point asks what ethnicity
we are to which we respond "black". His response which pains me to say was, "You guys are too
pretty to be just black."' Em writes, 'My mother is Lebanese and my father is Slovak.
I have olive skin, light blue-green eyes and curly hair. I think the least offensive thing
I've ever been called is 'exotic'. I actually prefer the general description instead of
playing the guessing game of where I'm from. The guessing game sometimes makes me feel
like I'm a species of bug that needs to be pinned and labeled.' Isabelle writes, 'I'm
half Caucasian, half Brazilian and during a two hundred person lecture in my college
class a guy came up to me to settle a bet with his buddy whom he had been discussing
my race with. Apparently they had been guessing and wanted to know my racial background because
I looked a little "racially ambiguous". Needless to say, I did not settle their bet. Alexis
who is of Spanish and Cuban descent wrote about how once people discover that she's
Hispanic, something changes. 'The whole world suddenly shifts and I'm a new person', she
writes. 'When I'm white to people they use certain adjectives but when they find out
that I'm Hispanic, "oh you're so sassy Alex. Oh wow there goes that Latina spice." It's
beyond irritating.' Lena writes about the sometimes challenges of dating as an Asian
woman, saying, 'In some areas it's better I would assume but I've had a number of disappointments
with guys I thought were cute, until that "I love Asians" comes out.' Jasmine writes,
"I'm a biracial female with a lighter skin tone and I've been classified as 'exotic'
not only because of the color of my skin but also because of my name. You combine the two,
you have an exotic storm. I've even had guys say to me, "Wow, I've never been with a black
girl before as if there's some special ethnic magic I should bring to the bedroom. I immediately
picture that guy parading me around like a new pet or trophy, show-casing my physical
appearance and my exotic heritage instead of the awesome young woman that I am. And
Robin writes, 'To start off with, I don't know a woman of color who has not had experiences
with people making her feel like a conquest of some kind. "You're really pretty for a
black girl" or "You're really nice for a black girl" or maybe even "I've never liked a black
girl like this before". Compliments right?' I could go on and on and on because I wasn't
kidding when I said that we got an overwhelming response from women about that episode because
it hit such a personal nerve with them. Suffice to say the next time you want to call someone
an 'exotic' beauty, just don't. Find a better adjective. There are a lot of them out there.