Despite having rather a lot on his plate already, billionaire polymath Elon Musk is apparently
planning to pull on a tall white hat and flip burgers by the side of a highway near you.
What on earth is his game plan?
Join us today as we peruse the bill of fare and ask why Tesla wants to open restaurants.
Although take-up of Elon’s newfangled electric vehicles has been trending
gloriously upwards all around the globe lately, one disconcerting statistic has given the whole
futuristic project pause. To wit, one in five EV early adopters, in California at least,
has reportedly switched back to gas-guzzling traditional autos.
Why? Because of frustrations with electric vehicle charging infrastructure.
Internal combustion engine, or I-C-E cars, for all their faults, can swiftly and easily fill up
on dirty dinosaur juice at any one of a gazillion gas stations in two minutes flat. Sleek new EVs,
on the other hand, take upwards of 30 minutes to charge, even using the express ‘supercharger’
system. If you’re in a hurry, there’s no getting around the fact that’s a gigantic faff.
But what if that half-hour or so could be spent productively,
and even nourishingly? That’s the big idea supposedly behind a Tesla patent application
submitted on May 27 of this year. In the words of the application itself,
the world’s most valuable car company is now exploring “Restaurant services, pop-up
restaurant services, self-service restaurant services [and] take-out restaurant services.”
That particular patent application set Musk back a cool 350 bucks – so you know he’s dead serious.
The application even goes so far as to spell out his ‘bona fide’ intentions, with hi-res
Tesla logos attached to underline the company’s intent to enter the fickle world of dining.
Industry analysts reckon this move into food is calculated to make that frustrating
half-hour charge delay delicious for drivers, and profitable for the firm.
And for a tantalising hint of the kind of restaurant Tesla might inexplicably
be about to open, let’s look at a 2018 tweet from the man himself.
‘Gonna put an old school drive-in,
roller skates & rock restaurant at one of the new Tesla Supercharger locations in LA.”
“Near 405”, Musk added, referring to the Los Angeles section of Interstate highway.
So old-school apple pie all-American dining would appear to be the order of the day.
A number of Californians have already taken to Twitter, indeed, to beg for a partnership
between Tesla and local favorite Sonic, an iconic burger-slinging drive-in chain.
But given Tesla’s commitment to sustainability and its overall holier-than-thou vibe,
it’s likely the restaurant will be run along more woke lines than your average sloppy burger joint.
And as it happens, Elon’s younger brother Kimbal – himself a prominent
Tesla board member – might be able to help out.
After collecting his share of loot from the enterprising brothers’ $300 million
dollar sale of Zip2 to Compaq back in 1999, Kimbal Musk moved to Boulder,
Colorado to set up his own restaurant chain, imaginatively named The Kitchen.
These days a sprawling multi-state empire with sister brands like the family-friendly Next Door,
upscale bistro Hedge Row, and smart cocktail spot Upstairs,
Kimbal’s Kitchen Group waxes lyrical about its rugged farm-to-table credentials. The group’s
mission is to source as many ingredients as possible locally and provide a fresh,
‘cravable’ offering that’s healthy and low-impact from an environmental standpoint.
So Tesla’s restaurant may in fact be a thoroughly health-conscious prospect, where folks juice up
their Model S Plaid while chomping on biodynamic leafy greens. Frankly, we don’t yet know.
Tesla’s Kettleman City supercharger station,
strategically located halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco,
offers a flavor of the sort of experience we could expect. With 40 supercharger stalls on the lot,
Tesla drivers are invited to mosey into a stylish low-rise building and chill on plush armchairs,
with pristine washroom facilities, respectable coffee, and enticing vending machines.
Tesla being Tesla, no opportunity is wasted at Kettleman to flog the
company’s other smart tech products, such as powerwall batteries and solar panels.
The notion of creating a desirable lounge environment to while away that frustrating
charge delay is already working successfully in China. There, a chain of uber-design-conscious Nio
Houses – named for that country’s own aspirational EV leader – invites groovy young people to browse
art galleries, do a spot of shopping, borrow volumes from a library and even book conference
spaces. There’s an upscale kids play area, and each lounge across the network’s 23 sites
offers its own tasty signature beverage. Waiting around doesn’t sound quite so bad now, does it?
This isn’t the first time quality food has been dangled as an incentive to motorists.
Hifalutin gastronomic bible the Michelin Guide, which awards stars to outstanding and ideally
out-of-the-way restaurants, was first cooked up in 1900 as a scheme for encouraging
drivers to hit the road and wear out their tires. The clue is in the name, after all.
And this wouldn’t even be the first time Tesla has made a play for the lucrative
food and drinks market. For an April fools prank during Tesla’s notorious 2018
‘year of production hell’, Elon Musk posted a spoof snap of himself
passed out after downing a skinful of ‘Teslaquila’ a made-up brand of Tequila.
Just for a laugh, later that same year,
Musk actually launched Teslaquila as a real-life limited-edition product,
retailing at $250 a bottle. It sold out and is presumably now worth a whole lot more.
So Elon Musk is seriously contemplating a move into the restaurant biz,
presumably to win over skeptics who can’t be bothered to wait half an hour to save the world.
The opportunities to integrate these eateries into Tesla’s existing software ecosystem
are pretty mouth-watering in themselves. Imagine ordering from a menu on your car’s onboard screen,
paying seamlessly through your Tesla account,
then having a big bowl of onion rings brought to you on a tray by that Neuralink Pong monkey.
At the very least, that should give all those gloomy EV skeptics some food for thought.
What do you think? Will the prospect of a hearty meal at Elon’s gaff
overcome your doubts about joining the EV revolution? Let us know in the comments,
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