From introvert to extrovert.
Wow!
My personal journey.
You can change anything about your personality.
But really, what are the steps on how to develop your personality.
A common question I get from the people who meet me and have attend to my one of live
events is they ask me, "Kirk, how did you go from an introvert to an extrovert?"
And my first response is "Wait a minute."
I did not lose my introvert side but I did gain an extrovert side.
I worked on my personality.
I could literally work on my personality until it changed.
So what if you are looking right now how to develop your personality?
Well I want you to know from my personal experience, you can change any part of your personality.
Years and years ago, I thought there's way I will ever come out of my introvert side.
There's no way I'll ever be an extrovert.
There's no way I'll ever get out on front of people or do things in front of people
because it'll just cause me to sink inside even thinking I would do something like that.
But you know what?
I had this dream, this mission, this feeling I had inside of me was going to require me
to be more of an extrovert.
And I didn't know how in the world I was going to make that happen.
But there's always this qualities and characteristics that I wanted but I just didn't have them.
And I, I kept saying, "Well, this is just my personality, this is how I grew up, this
is I've always been and once you're always this way, you can't change anything."
That's actually not true.
You can change any part of your personality.
But here's a couple of things you want to pay attention to in the process of how to
develop your personality.
You're seeing that these are tree branches up here and I put all this fun characteristics
out here on the tree branch.
So something that really pay attention to is the root system of who you are.
This is what it took for me to change me.
Now I didn't lose the good side of me of being an introvert.
I think introverts are awesome.
And being an introvert, there's nothing wrong with it.
Introvert means that you can recharge all by yourself.
You enjoy being alone, you enjoy outdoors and you really enjoy deep, deep, deep meaningful
conversations.
That's an introvert.
An extrovert recharges by being around people.
And and extrovert loves to be around of bunch of people all the time and invite everybody
over and just go for it and just be playful and that was not me.
But I knew if I could be some of that characteristic, that type of personality, it would make easier
for me to accomplish my mission inf life which is to help people.
And so I started looking into, "What is it going to take for me to acquire this type
of personality trait?"
Now I don't know what it is you are looking to acquire or change.
But the same components I am going to show you here can work for you to change whatever
part of your personality you want to change.
The first step, I am going to start right here.
It's a role model.
I started looking for people that literally were living or acting...
Not like an actor in a movie but literally were behaving in the personality type I wanted
to have.
I knew it seemed weird.
It was almost like I was stalking people, right?
And I am watching and looking for people that were being the way I wanted to be.
But I was looking for some role models.
And it was easier to find a role model, you know, through watching, literally watching
YouTube videos or watching shows on TV or watching personalities and people out there
in the world or reading books about people.
But I started looking and finding people and I found just like 2 or 3 people that really...
They behave like I wanted to behave.
And so I begin to watch them closely.
To study them.
To literally watch them on a video, act like them, watch them, act like them, watch them,
act like them.
And I would study them.
And I would actually pretend like I was being them.
And that's what mirroring is.
So I would find the role models and then I would mirror the way that they're being.
And so I would find these extrovert people.
And when I first started, it just felt so strange.
But if there's any personality type or personality characteristics you wish you could have, you
find the person who is doing that or acting that way and then you begin to study them.
Really, it's jut...
It's like you got to act the part before you can be the part.
And at first it felt super goofy and it felt like this is never going to happen.
But really, the way you're mind works is what you repeatedly do, you know unconsciously
will do.
So if I just keep doing it over and over and over again, it would become an unconscious
behavior.
Like it would literally become a part of me.
I am still and introvert but also and extrovert.
I can go either way which ever part is needed.
So the visual...
The visual for me was watching the videos.
I also got pictures of people who I looked up to.
Who had those characteristics and those personality styles that I wanted.
So I put people on...
I put picture of people on my wall and look at them and I imaging, "Okay, to be like them,
this is what that person would do.
This is how they would act.
This is how they would talk."
And so not only I was watching videos but I had pictures of them.
And so then I also would close my eyes and I would practice in my mind imagining me being
more outgoing.
More playful, more kind, more generous, more sincere.
And I would imagine myself in front of large groups of people and not dying.
(Laughs) And not freaking out being in front of people.
But I had to like walk myself through that visual because if I could see me acting that
way inside my mind then I could see myself acting that way in real life.
You know as a kid, we do make believe.
You know, we...
All the fun things we did you know, growing up make believe stories.
But we would pretend like it was real.
And our mind is really powerful that way is that if we take it on that journey of imagination.
Imagination can really become true for us.
If we imagine it enough times.
So visually, just imagining in my mind of me being in that personality.
And that was easily done because I had watched the people.
And literally acted it out.
Now the story...
What I would do is would write in my journal and I would tell a story about you know, "Gosh,
I really wish that someday I could be able to stand up in front of group of people and
not pass out or not have not my heart beat a thousand miles an hour."
But I would right the story of me being able to be that personality type.
Personalty behavior.
But I would write...
You know, if I could do this, I could help people.
If I could do this, it'll just feel good, completing my personal life mission you know
and being able to be this way.
But to literally write down a story of what you would like to be, this story part influences
the left side of your mind.
This influences the right side of your mind.
So literally you're teaching your whole mind about what you want to be like.
It's really cool.
I mean, you literally can change any part of you.
And the new fancy word that is on the street is called neuroplasticity.
Where your literally, your mind is moldable.
It can change.
But you might want to look that one up.
Neuroplasticity.
Literally the scientist are telling us we can change any part of our behavior.
As long as we repeatedly do the actions we want to someday unconsciously do.
It's powerful.
Now, I told you about mirroring, about following and mimicking somebody else.
And then purpose.
I had ever reason.
Why I was doing this?
Was I doing it to just to be liked?
Was I doing this to be accepted?
No.
I wasn't doing it for other people.
I wan't doing it for recognition.
I was doing it because I wanted to do it.
Because my big purpose was I feel like I am to be a teacher or someone who can help people.
But I had to find my purpose behind it.
Because that's one thing you will constantly ask yourself.
Why am I doing this?
What was I thinking?
Why should I keep doing this?
And if you don't have the answers to that.
And your not clear with the why and the purpose.
And who are you doing this for and what can happen from it, you're going to lose your
motivation.
You're going to lose literally the effort that you can put forward to making this happen.
But when you know the purpose and even if you can come up with some small purpose, find
somebody to really act like.
Write yourself a story of where you see this going.
Imagine in your mind being that way and finding a real live person who already acts that way.
With all of these different parts of this evidence, your mind can change.
It will adopt, it will adjust.
When we were little kids, we looked up to people.
Literally because we're little and they're big, right?
But we look up to people and we follow role models.
We followed other people's behaviors.
We saw what they did and then we began to do what they did.
And so, we are just big kids.
We're not done.
You know, years ago, a scientist said that "Once you turn into certain age, you can't
change."
But they found that's no longer true.
Any person at anytime can make changes about who they are.
And if you have a personality trait you don't want to have.
Like you just don't like it.
Like you're maybe super shy.
Well, you replace it with the kind of personality trait that you want.
You know and maybe you're mean and you're grumpy and you're just mean to people.
Well, you find somebody who's apposite of that and replace that personality trait with
a new personality trait.
And you can imagine yourself being much more polite and kind to the people around you.
These roots influence these fruits.
So it's in your root system and this is what it takes to make a change.
Of all of these, of all of these I am showing you here, the purpose.
Why?
Why do you want to develop your personality?
To what end?
What do you hope happens?
And as you find that purpose, write it down in a story.
Because notice, the deepest roots on this chart I am showing you is the story you have
inside of your mind.
If you're shy and you wish you were not shy, stop saying you're shy.
Start saying you're confident and you're outgoing.
Stop saying the language that repeats and confirms the personality traits that you don't
want to have.
Don't say that you're shy.
Don't say that you're not outgoing.
Start saying, "You know, I am outgoing.
I love to be around people.
I love to do this."
But start speaking the language.
That's your story.
Start telling the story that you hope to become.
And that's what's cool.
You and I, we have a chance to develop our personality traits.
And you get to literally watch people around you and find what you like.
And then begin to mirror and mimic those attributes of others.
It's awesome.
You get to create yourself.
So for me as I've been creating myself, I love to teach other people how to do this.
So maybe if you ever can get to Salt Lake City here, come attend to one of our live
events called Master Your Influence.
It's and incredible training program literally how to master your own influence on your own
life and other people's lives.
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all.
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