-Welcome, everybody.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
Let's get to the news and some jokes here.
Well, guys, the Trump campaign's efforts to flip the election
in court are not going well.
Out of more than 30 lawsuits,
at least 24 have already been dismissed.
And this weekend, even Chris Christie jumped ship.
Listen to what he said.
-If you've got the evidence of fraud, present it.
And what's happened here is, quite frankly,
the conduct of the president's legal team
has been a national embarrassment.
-Yep, Chris Christie called Trump's legal team
"a national embarrassment."
Meanwhile, people in foreign countries were like,
"Actually, it's embarrassing here, too."
When Trump heard what Christie said, he was like,
"You know what?
Ever since I gave you COVID,
you've been a real pain in the butt."
Of course, Trump's not happy with his legal team.
He just removed one lawyer
who was spreading some pretty crazy conspiracy theories.
Watch this.
-The Trump campaign's trying to distance itself
from controversial attorney Sidney Powell.
Powell is among those pushing a convoluted conspiracy theory
claiming an international plot involving, in part,
a dead dictator led to stolen votes.
-Yeah. She got kicked off Trump's legal team
for being too crazy.
That's like getting kicked off of "Real Housewives"
for being too crazy.
Seriously, you know how nuts you have to be when
Rudy Giuliani's head starts leaking,
and you're the one who gets fired?
For anyone asking what's more embarrassing than
being on the Trump legal team, the answer is
getting fired from the Trump legal team.
It's not easy to fire a conspiracy theorist either.
I mean, when you say, "We have to let you go,"
they're like, "Right.
I get it.
I'll just go then.
I'll 'clean out my office.'"
That's right -- Sidney Powell is out after she said
the election was stolen by Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chávez,
who died seven years ago.
Yep, her conspiracy theories were too much even for Trump.
Well, today, she wrote a farewell e-mail.
It said...
I don't know.
Meanwhile, I saw that, today, First Lady Melania Trump
received The White House Christmas tree.
Here's a photo.
With a big, warm smile,
Melania accepted the tree and said...
There you go.
Meanwhile, Sidney Powell was like,
"Don't let that tree inside.
It's a Venezuelan transmitter."
Speaking of the holidays, Thanksgiving is almost here,
and a lot of people are traveling, believe it or not,
despite the risks.
Watch this.
-On Thursday, the CDC recommended against traveling
and gathering for Thanksgiving.
-And, according to TSA, over the past three days,
more than 3 million people packed the nation's airports,
ignoring the CDC's advice.
-What are people doing?
3 million Americans are going to show up for Thanksgiving like,
"I brought some yams or maybe the plague."
If you're going to travel this week,
at least do the decent thing by sealing yourself in a box
and letting FedEx ship you home.
It can't be comforting when you're at a crowded airport
watching CNN talk about how dumb it is to be at an airport.
You know it's a bad idea when even
airport sushi thinks you're disgusting.
And that's not all.
The CDC is also warning against traveling on cruise ships.
They just raised the risk level to Level 4,
which is as high as it goes.
To put that into perspective, after it hit the iceberg,
the Titanic was at Level 3.
Even people who flew this weekend are like,
"Those cruise guys are idiots."
And interesting -- a recent poll found that
nearly 60% of Americans would get a coronavirus vaccine.
It's pretty interesting poll. Take a look at this.
60% said...
30% said...
10% said...
40% said...
15% said...
82% said...
40% said...
73% said...
24% said...
80% said...
40% said...
Finally, 40% said...
And that, of course, is the latest installment
of our segment "Interesting Polls."
♪♪
Hey, this is nice here at 30 Rock.
The skating rink is now open,
but you've got to wear a mask,
and your time on the ice is limited to 50 minutes.
There aren't a lot of tourists in New York City right now.
This morning, it was just a hot-dog guy and cabby
doing a three-minute pairs program to "Endless Love."
Yeah, this raised an interesting question.
If the rink is open but no one's there
to watch tourists fall down, is it really open?
Here's some business news.
I saw that Guitar Center just filed for bankruptcy.
Today, Guitar Center thanked their employees
and all the liars who said they spent quarantine
learning a new instrument.
This is actually a pretty big deal,
'cause now if Brookstone closes,
we're going to be out of places
where you can kill 45 minutes without buying anything.
Here's a local story.
Over the weekend, the police busted
a big gathering in Queens.
Check out what it was.
-In Queens, police broke up a private swingers party.
Officers responded to Club Caligula
on 20th Avenue in Astoria
shortly after midnight yesterday.
At least 80 people were inside the club.
-Now we know what "King of Queens"
would have been like if it aired on Cinemax.
It was a crazy scene.
One officer walked in and yelled, "Freeze!",
while another yelled, "Cheryl?!"
And, finally, in Canada,
officials had to put up road signs warning drivers
not to let the moose lick their cars.
This is real. Look at this.
It was weird for drivers who only saw
the second part of that message.
They're like, "Lick my car? Okay."
Yeah, apparently, it's been a tough time for the moose
since officials broke up their underground swingers club.
Hey, everyone. It is Monday. We're so excited to be back.
We have an amazing week of shows ahead.
Melissa McCarthy will be here!
[ Cheers and applause ]
The original cast of "Saved by the Bell"
will be on the show!
[ Cheers and applause ]
We're going to have a performance from Sheryl Crow!
[ Cheers and applause ]
And be sure to stay right here Thursday night after the game.
We have a big Thanksgiving show.
Jerry Seinfeld will be our guest!
[ Cheers and applause ]
We'll talk about his new book,
and we got something fun planned with him.
Plus, Bad Bunny will be here
to talk, perform, and more.
So tune in Thanksgiving night. Set your DVRs.
Set your Betamax machine.
Set your TiVos, your DiVos, everything you got, man.
Set it all up, because you're not going to want to miss
this week especially.
But, first, we have a great show for you tonight.
She stars in the new animated movie
"The Croods: A New Age."
Emma Stone is here! Stoney! [ Cheers and applause ]
Plus, he directed the new HBO Max film
"Superintelligence."
The very funny Ben Falcone is on the show.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And we have a performance from Josh Groban!
[ Cheers and applause ]