Eventually, we arrived at the old people's home...
Well done, that was lovely.
...and went to find the testing team.
-So you're Miriam? -I am, yes.
-And you're Betty? -Yes.
-I'm Barbara. -And you're Barbara.
-And this is the car that we've... -What is she called?
-This is The James. -It's called The James.
-James? -The James.
-A Rover James. -Oh, it's a Rover, yes?
-First impressions? What do we think? -It's wonderful!
-This material is waterproof. -Oh, good!
So, if there's any little accidents, don't you worry.
However, there was an issue with the Shackleton rear seating.
-Have you got a hoist? -That bit there.
See, in the advert for the chairs,
we were told they were very easy to get into and out of.
-Get me bottom round. -Shall we get a nurse to do this?
-No, I'll do it if it kills me! -Well, we'd rather it didn't!
-I was going to say. -There's a lot of paperwork. I'm so sorry.
-Can I help at all? -We're there!
-Well done! -With both our dignity nearly intact!
Lovely.
With the testing team on board, we set off to the bowls club.
Don't overdo it, not with your back.
Look at the speed we're going now, three miles an hour, as you can see.
Oh, isn't this absolute fun?
Soon, we reached our destination.
-Here we are, ladies, at the bowling club. -Ooh, lovely!
And Hammond insisted I show off his new parking sensors.
Keep going. Keep going.
You know there's no bumper on the back?
Just keep backing up. Ignore the noise. Pretend you can't hear it.
What did he hit?
-External rear-mounted airbag! -But...
-It's genius! -Excuse me a minute.
Three quite elderly ladies in there have now all had heart attacks.
-Look at it. -There is that.
Ladies, I do apologise for that.
When have you ever experienced banging like that?
-The war. -When the bombs dropped.
You're saying that because these ladies lived through the war
they're capable of dealing with a bang of that nature?
Yes.
Leaving the ladies to play bowls, we went off to buy food for a picnic.
What about Battenberg, or is that too German? It is too German, isn't it?
Sandwich spread!
-Potted meat! -Beef spread.
They must have ginger beer in Christchurch.
-Ginger beer's a bit racy. -No! They'll love it.
Enid Blyton used to rub herself with it. There it is.
-Peruvian, Greek, Brazilian... -Holland.
-Dutch. -Grown in the UK!
With the shopping finished,
it was time to demonstrate yet another feature of The James.
If you've got osteoporosis, arthritis, lumbago...
-Or rheumatism. -Or rheumatism.
Then lifting your heavy shopping into the boot
can be, well, very difficult indeed.
But with this genius solution, not a problem.
Bring the trolley up to the back, that's easy. Lift, drop in, job done.
How brilliant is that?
Having picked the ladies up, we set off for our picnic.
Where did you get that mouse from?
It's a squeaky ball he's got underneath the brake.
Sadly, because it was an English summer's day,
it soon started to rain, which revealed a bit of a design flaw.
-Oh! Whoa, whoa! -Oh, no, no! What's happened here?
That's a lot of water coming in now.
This is a disaster that we've had, Hammond!
I think some of our modifications have interfered with the waterproofing.
Is it all on you, dear? It's all a stream down there.
Look at this spirit of the Blitz going on. This is what makes us great.
-The Americans would be weeping now. -They'd be making a fuss.
-But what good would that do? -Nothing!
And we had just the thing to raise our spirits even more.
-You can't help it. -You can't, can you?
-Oh, no, the constabulary. -Oh, not again!
Sorry, officers! Nothing to see here!
Eventually we arrived at exactly the sort of picnic spot elderly people love.
-There we go. Now, if we pop it just here? -Yeah.
Look at that for a sunset picnic.
Having rescued what we could from the ruined shopping trolley...
-Mr Kipling, bread... -This is all soaked!
...we settled down to do what all old people do
when they're on a picnic together.
The next morning we left Christchurch,
generally quite pleased with how things had gone.
-Oh, what? -Leaking again!
There are a few things we need to address.
Well, obviously, there's the waterproofing.
The Shackleton easy chairs that aren't,
as it turns out, so easy to get in and out of, you know.
-The irresistible clapping machine. -Yeah...
Hold on, if we carry on along here, we'll have to get on the motorway.
Yes, I know
and that will give us the opportunity to test a feature that I fitted.
Oh, God. What?
Well, you know you're always reading in the newspapers
about an old person who's driven 30 miles the wrong way down the M1?
Well, I've fitted something that will stop that happening.
-How? -Well, no, look.
You see here it's not clearly marked.
It's easy to go the wrong way down that slip road.
-I just did. -Exactly!
Watch this. Here we go.
Oh, I see! That's clever. That's good.
But if I miss the signs, I could just as easily miss all this.
-Yeah, okay, keep going. -Oh, this is going to be...
Keep going!
-There you go! -You idiot!
-What?! -Well, it's ruined!
Yes, but it can't go on the motorway going the wrong way.
No, we can't go anywhere, because you've exploded the car!
We're alive! Everybody on that motorway is alive!
This is the best solution ever.
I've wet myself again!