hey there so i'm rebecca zung welcome to my channel
and i want to share something with you today that i normally don't share
and i think you know it's just sort of me talking to you guys who are here
my subscribers my community and telling you my own story of bullying and
i think it's really important for you to understand because
it really was a good lesson for me and it brought me to where i am today and
why i have such a personal feeling and and mission and crusade to help
people to to save people from narcissists and to use
my background and my skills as a negotiator to teach people
how to effectively work with narcissists and you know either escape them if
you're in a personal relationship or get them to yes get them to close deals
if you're in a business relationship or how to walk away if that's what you want
to do but all of that really stems from my own
personal background so i wanted to share a little bit
of that with you so that you can understand where i'm coming from with it
and this is not something that i go around talking about
i mean it's um it was like kind of a source of shame for me for a while the
fact that i was bullied as a child you know because as a child you start to
think there's something inherently wrong with you
and so for me to get to this point of being able to have a conversation and
talk about it with people and then here put it on my youtube channel is a really
really big deal for me so you know i don't normally walk around
talking about it but i really think it's important and hopefully hopefully it'll
help you guys and hopefully it will inspire you as well so so i was born
to a an asian father my father's chinese my mom
has german background but her family was in this country for a while so
my dad was really from china so he was a doctor
and a really wonderful dad my mom was a nurse initially and then
she ended up going into business and she had her own
real estate company and i i as a child i felt extremely
different growing up and i went to school in the 70s and the 80s
and during that time there weren't really a lot of
mixed children when my parents went to go get
married in the 60s it wasn't even legal still
in the state of virginia where we lived because
they were of different races so they got married in dc
i grew up in the dc area but you know that was something they had to live with
right from the beginning there was this problem you know because they were of
different races so i grew up half asian and on top of
that my mother was not you know the traditional mom
she wasn't at home you know baking cookies or doing whatever moms did in
those days and so you know for a lot of reasons i just
always felt different and these are not i'm not blaming
anybody i'm just uh explaining why i felt different
uh and my parents didn't really have like the most cohesive greatest marriage
they ended up getting divorced when i was 14 but there were
there was a lot of years leading up to that
so you know i just felt very different we lived in kind of a bigger house
which made me feel different than other people as well
uh and and there were times then when i would have friends
but then you know it didn't really stick i felt like everybody else
had these friend groups that i didn't necessarily have and
um you know it was just uh in my mind i was not like
them and i'm sure i probably brought a lot of it on to myself
looking back but i didn't realize that at the time at the time i think i was
just trying to like protect myself so but anyway um i started being bullied
when i was in um elementary school
i think mostly for being chinese they would ask me what my middle name is
which happens to be yukong and they would say
what's your middle name is it king kong and you know things like
that and i i just so wanted to have like a middle
name like marie or anne like everybody else did but now
of course i love my middle name it was my grandmother's name there's like
so much that went into the choice of my name
but um i didn't appreciate that at the time and i certainly didn't like it i
just wanted to be like everybody else just like all kids do
and so you know i finished elementary school in sixth grade i go to a junior
high school the bullying starts again in fact you
know i have right in my yearbook there's a girl who signed the yearbook oh you
know nice knowing you this year and by the way
but meaning to ask you if you have any [ __ ] blood in you
um you know written right in my yearbook and
then um so i went to a different middle school for eighth grade and there it
happened again and you know i would walk by and these girls would say hayata
hayata like some japanese thing which i'm not
even japanese but you know um that sort of thing
so i went to an all girls boarding school for high school and it really
ended up being the best thing for me because i finally started to
get some self-esteem i did well in school and that
helped me to gain some self-esteem i graduated second in my class from high
school i had a i had friends in high school a lot of friends
and so it started to turn around for me there but you know i still never felt
super comfortable in groups of my peers and so
uh you know i think that's part of why i dropped out of college when i was 19 and
i got married and had three children by the time i was 23.
it just you know because i always felt different
i always felt sort of like the outside looking in
and it was a way for me to escape having to be in groups of peers where i
didn't feel comfortable i i wouldn't have been able to
articulate this at the time you know at the time i would have said uh
i don't know i just wanted to get married or whatever it was i'm sure it
was all subconscious at the time but then you know we moved to florida
and uh i had these three children i started
teaching i was teaching inner city schools and the marriage was not working
so you know i end up getting divorced and i decided to go back to law school
because i really just wanted to put a roof over my kids head and
feed them so i ended up doing well in law school which
i always say that the reason why i did well is because i was so afraid i was
gonna have to um pay back my student loans on a
teacher's salary you know partially because i had a
chinese a very chinese upbringing plus my mom's
german and her side of the family is also very accomplished
so i think part of it was this family pressure
as well so anyway i i finished uh law school i get a job with
a family law attorney and i come up through the ranks there
and as i gain more success as an attorney and i'm dealing with it
all in therapy and all the things i i start to really heal myself and i've
read tons and tons of books and i've attended
lots and lots of seminars um you know i was a student of wayne dyer and marianne
williamson and all of these people gary zukov was huge
for me and all of those things taken together
allowed me to really heal and then i started my own law practice i had a
business coach who's really kind of also a life coach but she's
really she was you know taught at landmark forum for 20
years and she's certified in ontology and all these
things but i really hired her for my business
but you can't be super successful in business
if you still have your own psychological blocks right so
she helped remove those as well and i really felt like i had healed you know
i got to a place maybe 15 years ago where i started to
make some really wonderful friends friends that i still
have today i have the best literally the best women
friends on the planet wonderful wonderful
life friends relationships well a few years ago
my husband decides he wants to spend more time in california
so i'm splitting my time between california and florida
i come to california i'm starting new things i'm in a vulnerable position
i feel like all is well i've kind of been lulled into thinking like that this
i'm good now like the people i attract into my life
are awesome and i end up getting targeted by a covert narcissist a female
who wanted to do some business business endeavors with me
and i went ahead and agreed to it because i was at that place in my life
this was a person i barely knew but i went ahead and did
it anyway and you know the old story of the camel under the
tent you know where it's like the the story
is where the sheik and the or bedouin whatever they're out in the
desert with the camel and they stop for the night and the
camel sticks his nose under the tent and he's like please sir it's so cold
out here can i just keep my nose under the tent
and then the next thing you know the head is under the tent and the camel's
saying please sir i'll just leave my head under
it that's all i mean it's not going to
bother you you have plenty of room in here i'll just put my head in
and of course as it goes like the camel ends up basically in the guy's bed
and he can't get him out of the tent and that's basically what happened to me
with this particular person it was like so
horrible and i can't even describe how traumatic it was
and it wasn't until i picked up the book the covert passive aggressive narcissist
which i've talked about in some of my other videos and you can go check out
that video if you want it's called called the covert passive aggressive
narcissist that i really started to realize
what the hell was going on and not only did i realize
that that person was targeting me was a narcissist
i realized that there was a second person in my family
and that was what was going on and it was like it literally
changed my life and changed my world so i started to talk about all this
stuff narcissism and i realized you know i've been
talking about negotiation for years i wrote a book on it robert shapiro
wrote the forward it's called negotiate like you matter
i've spoken all over the country i was the keynote speaker for an
american bar association event i really know negotiation but really
learning about narcissism is what allowed me
to start understanding how to apply what i knew about negotiation to what i
learned about narcissism so that i could actually start seeing forward momentum
for my clients and my cases and so that's what i started doing and i
get into the narcissism world and i start meeting other
influencers in the narcissism world and i'm super excited about that and then i
start to realize that some of these people are
also very broken and that's why they ended up
here and you know here i i find myself sort of being bullied by these people
once again because they're jealous they don't want
other people in the space or whatever it is
and i found myself really re-experiencing between these two
narcissists and then what happened in this narcissism community
feeling like oh these old feelings of being bullied were coming back to me
and it really kind of wobbled me for a while
so i go back to my business coach and we have a few sessions and basically
what she said to me was it's not what they're saying
because people are going to say things you know especially you're out in the
public eye you're doing things people are going to say things that's
fine but it's how it lands for you you know if
somebody called you a banana you wouldn't think anything of it you'd
just be like okay whatever you're crazy but if people say things that you feel
you know you're exposed on that are unhealed within you
then it's going to strike a chord it's going to strike a nerve
and you're going to feel that exposure again that you know
whatever neuronal pattern was formed when you were a child
that says i'm not good enough i'm not lovable i'm not worthy
there's something wrong with me hey if you're a human being
you've got it we all do we've all had it and honestly i think a lot of
part what drove me to be such a successful
attorney was proving that i'm worthy proving that i'm
valuable proving to the world that i i'm supposed
to be here and now i've shifted i mean i i
understand that there are broken people in the world and
people are going to do and say things based on their own
problems and their own heal stuff that they need to have
healed i can't control that you know the old three c's i didn't cause it i can't
control it i can't cure it and so you know just that that's really
been helpful to me to understand that i want you to
understand that when you are negotiating with people not
just in actual negotiations but when you're dealing or managing people at all
having confidence and really understanding that
you can tell people to think what you want them to think
you know i think a lot of times people are going to be intimidated just because
you have confidence just because you are okay
that does not mean that you should shrink from your light
you know that just means that those are not the people that get to be in your
space so i would just say to you stop trying
to make not your people your people because those are just not your
people and that's completely okay i love
the quote from roomie that says set your life on fire
seek those who fan your flames yeah i mean the people who are in my
space they found my flames and i know i mean i when i spoke to bob
proctor or i you know i have that interview you can go check it
out and he said you are a product of the top five people
you are closest to you want to know where you stand vibrationally take a
look around and you know so there should be a huge
price to pay for being in your space you know people don't get to be in my
space unless they are you know raising my vibrational level
and me doing the same for them otherwise it's not worth it
i mean why why allow people in your space who are going to bring you
down so i want you to remember that you are valuable you are worthy
you are unique it's okay to be confident it's okay to to to be the light
and and and the final thing i want to say to you
is defend your light with your life if if people are not treating you well
then namaste and walk away defend your light with your life
i'm rebecca zhang and thanks so much for listening
to my story of bullying and how it actually
helped me how it actually changed my life you know if something happens to
you and it's you know
crap comes your way you gotta learn from it otherwise it's just crap that
happened to you and that's unacceptable right so i've learned from it i've grown
from it i've become a way better person as a result and now i help people
all over the world with this youtube channel and with my free resources and
my other resources and that's why i do what i do so
remember namaste and walk away and defend your
light with your life