- Hey everybody, this is CM Punk, and this is The Breakdown.
[upbeat hip-hop music]
This is The Wrestler.
- A lot of people told me that I'd never wrestle again.
- Let's pause it here.
The flag he has on the microphone, the ROH on it,
that's Ring of Honor.
The building they're wrestling in,
I've wrestled in, I believe that's the Hammerstein Ballroom,
and I wrestled there for Ring of Honor
previous to me signing with WWE.
- You know, in this life you can lose everything you love,
everything that loves you.
- I love this movie for how real it is,
and especially this scene.
I just feel tremendous sadness when I watch it.
That tells me how real it is.
- Goddammit, I'm still standing here, and I'm the Ram.
- All right, he's breaking rules honestly.
It would be like me talking over here
and talking up here and talking here
when there's a camera right in front of me.
He's having a genuine moment, he's talking to the people.
- He's a loser, he's all through.
You know what, the only one's who's gonna tell me
when I'm through doing my thing is you people here.
- All right, let's pause it here.
Somebody's gotta tell this guy that he does not,
and he should not, wrestle anymore.
These older wrestlers, there's no pension, there's no union.
There's no such thing as the boys.
Nobody's taking care of them, and it's just,
man it breaks my heart.
Jump ahead.
[crowd cheering]
Everything about this movie's so accurate.
I mean, the moves they're doing,
I know Mickey Rourke got put through the paces.
Aronofsky was very dialed in to being authentic and real
and they nailed it.
[slapping wrists]
[crowd cheering]
Let's break down this frame.
To communicate, the easiest way to do it
is just whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears
or talk as loudly as you possibly can
so people in the cheap seats can hear you like John Cena.
[claps hands]
There's guys that you can wrestle and not say a word to,
but normally that comes with repetition.
I could put my gear on right now and I guarantee you
I could have an entire match with Rey Mysterio
and not talk to him once.
- What are you doing?
This is my move.
[smacking mat]
- You see him lean up, and he's like, what are you doing?
That's my move.
Your signature move is what you did.
Nobody else did it.
In this scene, I think Ram's, he's losing it.
Maybe he forgot that that's not his move.
- One, two.
[crowd booing]
- Use of the ref as a distraction,
I think if you've watched any pro wrestling match,
you know how accurate that is, it's 100%,
but it's also very cheap and very lazy.
Let the rules be the rules, 'cause if there were no rules
you wouldn't get booed for breakin' em.
[crowd booing]
[slamming mat]
I think you're allowed to bring in
whatever you want in the ring when the referee
has been knocked out of commission.
Rewind, please,
and always notice it's always, like, the lightest of blows
that sends the referee sprawling
into a state of unconsciousness.
This movie is just deadly accurate.
[laughing]
This is Nacho Libre.
I've not seen Nacho Libre.
Jack Black's looking good.
Oh, man.
[whistling]
The classic Mexican wrestling whistle to start the match.
I've never, I've never seen or heard
anybody use a whistle to start a match in wrestling.
Test of strength.
Jack Black's losing this one.
That was a weird transition.
The moves and everything, the chain wrestling,
that's all classic stuff.
When I said it was a weird transition,
they just went from chain wrestling
to just immediately to a suplex.
There's a way for it to happen organically.
They just felt like, we missed a couple steps in there.
Ah, that's a DQ.
[laughs]
That's a disqualification.
Oh no, he's going for the mask.
This is dirty.
Let's pause it here.
The mask is the luchador's identity.
It's his entire life, it's his career.
You try to take somebody's mask off,
people are gonna be real, real, real mad at you.
[screaming]
Oh wow, that didn't take much.
You know, you gotta work it a little bit.
You gotta tear the mask a little bit.
You gotta act like you're trying to take it off.
This dude just went right for it and took it off.
No foreplay, you gotta tease me a little bit.
But he lost his mask!
He should be trying to cover his face, oh Jesus.
The monkey flip, that's a real move.
- [Interviewer] How do you do a monkey flip?
- I mean, I could show you if you wanna come over here.
Yeah, yeah, you would die.
[laughs]
I got a lethal monkey flip.
It's why you never saw me do it.
I killed a [bleep].
Sorry.
- [Interviewer] You can.
- Oh, I can swear?
- [Interviewer] You can swear.
- [bleep] yeah.
[laughs]
All right, let's go back.
You literally just jump on the dude and they let you,
they let you,
[chuckling]
they let you perch on their hips there
and you roll back and you kick them into the air.
People can flip out of it, land on their feet,
overrotate, land on their belly,
and he just launched him straight over the top rope.
Seen it happen a dozen times,
and here comes the big Nacho Libre comeback, oh yeah.
He's gonna miss, isn't he?
He's missin'.
Man, I could fly.
No, that's not realistic at all.
Obviously they use wires or something like that for that.
I've seen some gnarly dives from the top rope.
Having Rob Van Dam jump from the top rope
into the third row on top of Bam Bam Bigelow.
It's always nicer when you have
a big, gigantic tough man to land on.
You can't pin him on the floor.
There's the ref.
Oh, come on, you lazy piece of [bleep].
No, you can't pin somebody on the floor.
You gotta pin somebody in the ring.
There's rules to this, ladies and gentlemen.
This is why the ratings are down.
This is Ready to Rumble.
I have never seen Ready to Rumble,
and a lot of people always give me grief for that.
I have no idea what's gonna happen.
[quarter jingles]
- $1.25, that's all I got.
- That's just not good enough, now is it, you little boob?
- Just take a penny out of the take a penny thing.
- There's a lot of glare coming off
that dome of yours, squirrel nuts!
[slapping head]
- Let's pause it here.
That's Three Stooges, isn't it?
That's Hogan hulking up, that's the Undertaker sitting up.
I'm sure people in the convenience mart world
would recognize that as that guy's signature,
that was his Hulk up, you know?
Oh, [bleep] right into it, all right.
Let's pause it here.
That's just a basic suplex.
The previous clip I was talking about
how it just seemed like it was an odd edit or a transition,
there was no transition, we were just already there,
but yeah, fundamentally the suplex was sound.
Any time you're picking up your opponent and throwing them,
most notably over your head, it's a suplex.
The easiest way to do that, that was just a standing suplex,
you hook the guy's head, you put his arm over your head,
you grab him by the waist, and you throw him over your head.
This is the best convenience store of all time.
The most unconventional place I've ever wrestled before
is inside a strip club.
- [Interviewer] Okay, there's a.
- That's it, you're glossing right over that?
No follow-up questions.
[laughing]
Let's just skip ahead 10 seconds.
[screaming]
Oh, no.
Let's break down this frame.
Glass is used in pro wrestling all the time.
It's either pro wrestling or it's garbage wrestling.
Garbage wrestling is taking everything
that is traditional about wrestling and the art out of it
and replacing it with ultraviolence.
Thumbtacks, fire, glass.
I used to wrestle a lot for a promotion
down in Indiana and Kentucky.
I would be the exception.
There'd be a few of us who would just do
traditional, old-school wrestling.
They'd have to sweep the ring out before I got into it,
because it'd just be littered with all this junk.
Splintered tables, wood screws,
thumbtacks, glass, everything.
The light tubes, I think, is the popular thing the kids use.
I mean, maybe I did get hit with a light tube once.
It's hard to remember sometimes.
This is Paradise Alley.
They made a Blu-Ray of Paradise Alley, apparently.
It's a doozie, I'm sure.
- There never any a challenger?
- I forget what the plot of this movie is,
so I can't remember what is going on here.
Let's pause it here.
Pro wrestling was born out of the carnivals.
They would go from town to town,
essentially beating up the local townfolk
who thought they, if they paid money
they'd be able to beat the guy up.
Their skill set was pretty impressive
because they had to look beatable but then
when [bleep] got real, they also had to
just absolutely be able to tear somebody's limbs off.
- [Rat] Hey, Kid Greaseball.
- Hey, Rat!
His name is Kid Salami.
Say it after me, Kid Salami.
- Moron!
[laughs]
- All right, the name Kid Salami is
a hell of a lot cooler than CM Punk.
CM Punk's the stupidest name in all of,
like what, it's just stupid.
Kid Salami, at least you're like,
ah, okay, I get it, he's Italian.
CM Punk, you're just like, what?
[laughing]
[eggs squishing]
Should have used the egg to grease up
his body so he's slippery.
[ring bell dings]
That's not how you fight, come on.
Those punches those, man, in a real or
a professional wrestling setting, garbage.
Fast forward a bit.
- What do you wanna do?
- If I get annoyed, I think I can win.
- Then get annoyed!
- Yeah, will you get annoyed?
Would you please get very annoyed?
You're embarrassing me here, here we go.
- Is there a DVD commentary for this,
'cause I would really, I would really be interested
to hear 2019 Sylvester Stallone commenting on all of this.
[crowd cheering]
- Don't embarrass me!
- Too late.
Too late, Sly.
Let's go back.
The easiest, most lazy thing is if you see somebody
positioned in the corner and you just walk up to him
and you ram your shoulder into their midsection.
It's overdone.
- [Interviewer] Was anything in that clip realistic?
[laughs]
- Maybe Sylvester Stallone being embarrassed.
Up next, we have Glow.
Yes, the music's great, makeup's great.
You can just tell by her mannerisms that she's the heel.
One's blonde, one's brunette.
Chances are, people are gonna cheer for the blonde.
The heel has more pointed makeup.
You see the masc, what is it called, is that mascara?
What, eyeliner?
Eyeliner, shows you what I know.
The big hair, oof, man, that just screams bad guy.
Let's go back.
Wrestling needs a heel because if you have
a good guy versus good guy, babyface to babyface match,
that doesn't really sell tickets.
You have to have that character that you want to see
lose, bleed, get beat up, humiliated,
to get the people to cheer for 'em
and ultimately buy all the merch
and waste all of your money on all kinds of things.
Let's just skip ahead 10 seconds.
I'm just now realizing that the entire ring is pink.
Snapmare and a cover, where's the referee?
There's no referee.
Is the referee just gonna magically appear
when the finish comes?
Somebody's gotta be there to count the fall.
There's gotta be a winner or a loser.
Well, here we go, monkey flip.
Classic, oh classic, classic setup.
Crotch in the face, handshake.
This is going on way too long.
Let's freeze this frame.
It would elicit a response from the crowd.
An ass in the face, a boob in the face,
a crotch in the face, like, I don't know man.
American society just loves that stuff, and flip.
Fast forward a bit.
Normally, there's a five count, if you're on the ropes,
but there's nobody there to administer said five count.
Let's break down this frame.
The more surface area of your feet that you have
on the top rope, the better balanced you're gonna be.
The better balanced you're gonna be,
the better launch you're gonna get.
If you're standing perpendicular with your foot
on the rope that way, less surface area of your foot,
your balance can get compromised and when you jump
you could slip, you could fall, so you kinda want
your feet exactly overlapping or parallel
with the ropes if you're about to jump off.
- [Interviewer] How long would it take for me
to learn to balance on the top rope?
- I can get you on that top rope in 15 minutes.
You just gotta pay me, let's see,
you work for GQ, $75,000.
- [Interviewer] Deal.
[snickering]
- This is Spider-Man.
I'm excited about this one.
- [Interviewer] Have you seen this film?
- [bleep] Bonesaw is ready.
- [Announcer] The Amazing Spider-Man.
- Kill him!
[cheering]
Ah, the bloodthirsty mortals.
Let's pause it here.
I laughed at the idea of a surprise cage match,
like, more oftentimes than not, especially nowadays,
they have the cage already suspended above the ring,
so you know, fans, all theys got to do is look up
and be like, okay, there's gonna be
a cage match at some point tonight.
- I got you for three minutes,
three minutes of play time.
[ring bell dings]
- They were playing off of the roots of pro wrestling
from the carnival, see if the local can last three minutes
with our strongman.
The only time you're gonna get a clock in the ring,
some sort of a time limit iron man match.
Jump ahead.
Oh, that's cheating.
Also cheating.
- [Spider-Man] Ow, ow.
- One of my favorite things you can do
is tell a pro wrestler that oh, those chairs
that you hit somebody with, those are fake chairs,
and I've just never understood what a fake chair was.
The chair I'm sitting in feels real.
It's doing its chair job.
It's holding me up and I sit down.
Like a breakaway chair?
But steel chairs aren't breakaway.
There's no nice way to hit somebody with a steel chair,
and to sound very boring and redundant,
it again comes down to a surface area thing.
If I'm on all fours and you're gonna hit me
square in the back with a steel chair,
you want as much surface area of that chair
to hit me in the back to spread out the impact.
You don't want to flip the chair, say,
so the brim and the edge of the chair,
and repeatedly ram it into somebody's neck.
You're really gonna hurt somebody.
That being said, you're still really gonna hurt somebody
if you hit 'em the right way.
Such is the life of a pro wrestler.
It's all fake and it all hurts, what are we doing here?
That was awesome.
No referee.
No respect for the rules.
Let's break down this frame.
Now some guys are synonymous with certain weapons and props.
I always got a kick out of any time
I got to handle the Undertaker's urn,
just for the absurdity of it.
Somebody's ashes in here?
Why does he carry it if he never hits anybody with it?
Leave the dead cat in the back
and then you're not gonna get hit with the urn.
[screaming]
Monkey flip!
They're your favorite.
Where'd the referee come from?
It's a cage match, nobody in or out.
This is Fighting With my Family.
I hope to God it's the clip I'm thinking.
Yes.
- Who the hell are you? - Yes.
[crowd booing]
Yes.
- Why don't I do to you what I did
to every single Diva last night?
[slaps face]
- Oh no!
Well, the one girl is playing my wife,
[chuckling]
so it's weird.
I've never seen that.
That's why I was, oh I hope it's the clip I think it is.
They were trying to film that after, I think it was a Raw.
They're like, hang on, we're also gonna film
this part of the movie,
so Rock comes out and everybody's excited,
and he's like, just stay there,
we're gonna film this one thing.
Do me this favor, and then this woman who wasn't my wife
but was dressed as my wife
and announced as my wife comes out,
and the entire crowd just started chanting for me.
CM Punk, CM Punk!
And they couldn't get the crowd to stop,
so Rock was like, oh you like Phil?
I like Phil, pulls his phone out and calls me.
By the time I got in the elevator, out of the elevator,
back outside to walk my dog Larry,
my phone was just blowing up.
People texting me, answer your phone!
I didn't know what was going on.
Let's go back.
- I think we should have a match right now,
and as a special post-WrestleMania treat,
I will put my title on the line.
- Let's break down this frame.
Yeah, I think everybody just
throws the belt over their shoulder.
Nobody, nobody seems to just wear the belt.
I wore it all the time so I could, you know,
I could speak with my hands,
so all the cheap seats could see it.
My belt was like, huge and ugly anyway,
so it was too heavy to carry.
I'm a weakling.
- This is my house, freak.
- Oh no.
That's all it takes.
Don't call me freak.
It's like calling Marty McFly chicken.
Being called a freak was a button for her.
It was like, don't push that button.
Don't give Popeye his spinach.
Don't let George the Animal Steele eat the turnbuckle.
I think once she heard that, that was the switch
that made her just, time to put the pedal to the metal here.
[upbeat rock music]
To fall in the ring, the easiest way to do it,
you want a ton of surface area of your body to hit.
That's why you see people slap out.
They do this in martial arts too.
Kempo, any form of karate, jiujitsu, doing rolls,
break falls, and stuff like that,
translates directly into pro wrestling.
It's all the same thing.
Get to the ground as fast as you can,
but you also don't want to just land on your elbow.
You want to land on your entire arm,
most surface area you possibly can to lessen the impact
on a focused part of your body.
You don't want to land on your neck,
you don't want to get compressed.
All this sucks, it all sucks.
You're throwing yourself at the ground.
It's nothing that your brain should want your body to do,
and over time all of it takes its toll.
If you take a guy like Hulk Hogan,
who had the simplest, easiest, finishing move in the world,
he'd jump up and drop a leg on you,
landing directly on his tailbone, compression,
your body gets old and betrays you
and all that adds up and you pay the price.
Let's go back.
It was pretty accurate.
I think my wife had better abs than the actress
they had playing her though.
I have to say that my wife's abs are out of this world,
but they found somebody as short as my wife,
so I think that's very realistic.
Thanks for watching The Breakdown.
[upbeat funky music]