Jennifer, your husband is successful, why are
you still working?
Have you been there, and just didn't know what to
say? Well, you know what you want to say, but it's
not safe for work. Today we are going to be
digging into how to respond to rude comments at
work. Whether it's coming from a rude boss, a
passive aggressive coworker, or maybe just a Chad,
I've got you covered. But first hello, my career
bestie. And if you are new here, welcome to my
channel! I talk about navigating obstacles at
work, toxic workplaces, and how to create career
success, and a successful life in general. If you
want more of those topics in your subscription
feed, click the subscription button and the
notification bell so you don't miss a video.
Alright, let's get back to the rude people. Now,
have you ever had to deal with a rude co worker or
insulting comments at work? Tap the like button if
that is what brought you here today. The first
thing that you need to do when you're dealing with
rude comments at work are rude co worker is to
take a breath, okay, maybe not a breath, but at
least take a moment. And there was a very sciency
reason why I'm telling you to do just that. When
you're dealing with a rude comment or an insult at
work, what you're actually dealing with is
conflict and conflict activates our amygdala. And
what does your amygdala do? Well, it's your fight
flight or freeze reaction, when your amygdala is
active, your cerebral cortex is basically shut
down, which means that anything that you do right
away is going to be an irrational action, whether
it's fight, what did you just say to me flight?
Oh, look at the time, I need to get to a meeting
now my next meeting and an important email and I
need the bathroom or freeze.
None of these is going to be the most effective
response to an insulting comment at work. I mean,
it might feel really good to tell them off in the
moment, but it's not going to serve you long run
and telling people to fuck off at work might not
be the best thing for job security. Yeah, to be
professional, you know. And that's where your big
breath in and out comes into play. your amygdala
is activated in a conflict by some neural
chemicals, not going to pretend to know their
names off the top of my head. So if I'm feeling
zesty, I'll just pop them in right here. And if
not, then there's just nothing there. After six
seconds, those are going to dissipate, which now
gives your rational brain your cerebral cortex
time to take back over taking that moment taking
that deep breath takes about six seconds. And that
is going to allow you to get back into a more
logical and rational reaction might feel kind of
awkward to you know, six seconds of silence, but I
promise you it's gonna pay off because we are
going to then do the next thing to deal with
insults or rude comments at work. And that is to
assess their intention. You know, I hope mince
words around here. So I'm just going to call it
what it is. Some people are just dumb, and they
have no social skills. So humans are the worst.
Now of course, this comes in all sorts of
different flavors and varieties. And there's
different motivations that lie behind the rude
comment or the insult at work, maybe you're
dealing with a passive aggressive coworker, and
instead of just confronting you about something
that they don't like, or their unhappiness,
they're just gonna be all about it. Or perhaps
you're dealing with a jealous coworker, and
they're feeling insecure and inadequate, and
they're taking it out on you by trying to cut down
your confidence and your awesomeness. Or perhaps
it's a competitive coworker that you're dealing
with. And the reason behind their rude comment is
really just to give themselves the upper hand and
increase their odds of winning whatever winning
is. And of course, it can be much deeper than that
and much more complex, because humans are complex,
and our relationships with each other can be
complex as well. So I won't spend the entire day
helping you psychoanalyze your coworker and their
intention, but I have a guess that you have a
pretty good gut feel of their motivation behind
it. One thing that is very important to do while
you do this is to actually D personalize the
comment. One thing that I've talked about here
before, and I'm probably gonna say again, and
again, and again, because it's so important,
especially when we're dealing with conflict and
difficult co workers, is that their behavior
towards you probably doesn't have a lot to do with
you. It has much more, if not everything to do
with them. If someone is insulting you, if someone
is treating you rudely at work, it is not because
you are not worthy of being treated well and being
respected. Their behavior is actually a reflection
of how they feel about themselves. And they're
just projecting it onto you. Is it the cool thing
to do? No, but it's a fact. And we're going to
deal with what we're working with right now in D
personalizing and remembering that their behavior
towards you actually has little to do with you is
going to help you disjoin any biases that you
might be bringing into the interaction as well.
Let's face it, none of us enjoys being insulted.
It doesn't make us feel good. And it makes us feel
a whole bunch of awful things about the entire
situation and the person we're dealing with, the
more depersonalized we are as we evaluate the
situation, the less of our own biases we're going
to bring into it and help us really understand
what is going on. Now with that in mind, I would
love to hear from you in the comments down below
what you think the intention behind the rude
comment or the insult work really was and I That
as you scroll through the comments that are
dropped in, you're going to find that often it's a
them issue as opposed to a UI issue. And
ultimately, if you can assume the best of
intentions, and the person didn't really mean to
be the jerk that they were being when they hurled
that insult at you, the better off you're going to
be able to react. And that brings us into the next
step to dealing with rude comments at work. And
that is to change the topic. So it's kind of like
flight mode, but more productive, like we just
talked about, most people probably don't have bad
or malicious intentions, when they're making rude
comments at work, they're probably just being
dumb. Again, call what it is, odds are, they're
just oblivious to how rude they're being. So if
the rude comment or the insult was at first time
infraction, or maybe it was just the workplace
drama queen who does this to everyone, the easiest
way to deal with it is to actually change the
topic and disregard I mean, if someone is like
that with everyone, or if they just had a moment
of stupidity, we don't want to hold it against
them and kick up a whole bunch of unnecessary
workplace drama. Really, it's a matter of choosing
your battles and focusing on speaking out and
speaking up when it's really important because of
any minor slight results in you being like you
have insulted my honor, I challenge you to a dual
your work life is going to be pretty miserable.
When you're reacting to a brew co worker or an
incident work, the thing that you need to keep in
mind for yourself is perception management. And I
feel like this is way too often overlooked in
these conversations, because your co workers and
your boss and everyone around you at work is
absolutely going to judge you based on your
reaction. And if you're reacting to every comment,
well, they're gonna think that you are the
dramatic co worker. And that's not who you want to
be. Because that's not going to be the thing that
helps you succeed at work and helps you advance in
your career. Now, that isn't to say that every
rude comment and every insult should just be
ignored and disregarded. That is absolutely not
the case. And when you assess from the situation
and the context and the person that you're dealing
with that you need to do something about it, it's
time for us to move into the next step. And that
is to mirror the absurdity. Again, going on the
assumption that people are somewhat oblivious to
what they're actually saying, and how it's coming
across to other human beings. When you repeat it
back to them, it might be the thing that
enlightens them and gives them the opportunity to
course correct without you having to be insulted.
For example, Jennifer, your husband's successful
work, what are you doing still working? You want
to know why I continued my career when my husband
also has a successful career. Another way that you
can mirror to them is by asking them to repeat
their statement that can look a little something
like this. I didn't quite catch that question. Or
and I personally, this is my favorite one, you can
play dumb to highlight the absurdity and the
inappropriateness of whatever it is that they just
said or what they just asked you. I'm sorry, I
don't quite know what you're asking me, Chad, do
you mind explaining it to me. And if it suits your
style and the severity of the situation, you can
also do that more directly. And when that is the
case, you really need to move into the next step
in dealing with insults or rude comments at work.
And that my friend is your adult voice. We're
grown up professionals here we got this. And
sometimes that means that we need to speak
directly to the infraction and the insult that
just went down. When you do this, the most
important thing is going to be the confidence that
you convey in this situation. I have a whole video
on dealing with conflict of work that is going to
lead to dig in. But I want to give you some tips
right here. But I will link that video down below
just in case you want to check it out. You want to
enact your power posture Here, sit up or stand up
straight, take up some space, you are going to
speak clearly and concisely, no muttering mumbling
or giving them an opportunity to miss hear you or
undermine you in cases where you need to speak up
and speak out. It's important to be clear and
concise in your communication, how you say
something matters. And you want to make sure that
there's no opportunities to misunderstand or
misconstrue exactly what you're saying. While your
inclination might be to be somewhat accusatory in
what you're saying, in some cases, it is better to
stick to something like an I feel statement. So
instead of saying, Chad, you're inappropriate AF
you want to say something more along the lines of
Chad, I feel like that's not an appropriate
conversation for work. However, in the case, when
you're dealing with straight up, I'm giving you a
permission slip to call it out. Like going back to
what was said to me, I was too focused on keeping
that other person comfortable in the conversation
even though their question was deeply insulting
and undermining at work. Here's what I should have
said that question was incredibly inappropriate.
And I'm going to pretend that you didn't ask don't
ask anyone that again. Of course, the pretend part
is optional. Now you might have noticed in that
example, that there's something that's very key in
responding to that rude or inappropriate comment
at work and that is confidence. If I wasn't saying
that exactly how I said it. It wouldn't resolve
the problem. I don't want to be rude, but I think
that me Maybe that was in a question that I should
answer work. No, unfortunately especially if
you're in a toxic workplace or bad work
environment. This is something that you might
already be struggling with. Heck, I even know
professionals in fantastic work environments that
struggle with confidence at work. The good thing
is there is a quick way to start building up your
confidence at work, and that is knowing and owning
your unique awesomeness quotient your UAQ. If you
on't know what yours is yet, follow the link in
he description down below to get your UAQ S
arter Kit. It's totally free, easy to use, and i
's going to help you build confidence at work q
ickly. There is one more thing that you really n
ed to do in order to prepare for interactions w
th a rude co worker or dealing with insults at w
rk, you need to be prepared for potential c
nflict. After all, these conversations are not a
ways easy, I don't want you to walk into it u
prepared. So what I want you to do right now is g
and watch this video right here to help you p
epare to engage in possible conflict at work in a
productive and positive way. But before you go I
this video helps you in preparing to deal with r
de co workers or insults of work, give this v
deo a thumbs up it really helps my channel and i
makes you my favorite career bestie if you h
ven't already consider subscribing and I will s
e you in the next video my friend bye for now.