hey guys it's been a while it's been a
long while I'm sorry for that
yeah like I haven't been making a lot of
videos and I just want to say first of
all I'm sorry for that but I just wanted
to let you guys know kind of what is
going on with my life I think maybe it
would've been therapeutic or a would be
therapeutic for me to tell you guys I'm
not sure I might not even post this
video I'm not sure we'll see but I'm I'm
not that okay I'm not super great I'm
not feeling great and and to tell you
how it started but it started like
probably two months ago I kind of said I
burnt out in one video but I said it
really like briefly so maybe that was
like my cry for help I don't know but I
burnt out because yeah just like doing
videos and working you know it was
pretty much like 24 hours like thinking
about work or doing videos and it kind
of took a toll on me you know yeah I
mean like the the best the best way I
can explain it it's like imagine if you
had a hard day at work then you know you
could come back home you know some
people grab a beer they watch Netflix or
you know there's digital don't wanna do
anything but more for me maybe it was
like the artificial stress that I did
for myself I didn't allow myself to do
that because I told myself you know the
more time you waste the less you know
output you can get you know to work or
videos so if I had a hard day at work
and maybe I worked extra hours like yes
I might be doing a bit more at work but
then I was like oh I'm losing hours for
my videos because you know without these
hours you know I can't I can't post at
the same cadence or the same quality and
like that so I really put this
artificial stress on me and I just
couldn't do any more so I decided to
just take a break right I took a break
but that made it even worse I guess it's
because I had time to think about my
life or like my decision my choices and
for some reason I just I just started to
get really sad and starting to doubt
myself doubt my confidence like I
started like losing confidence I was
doubting my job I was doubting my videos
I was doubting me as a person then it
was kinda like this vicious circle that
made me like more and more like uh like
I don't want to say it but like it made
me feel like depressed right like I
googled some symptoms in life like you
know that's why is it so hard to wake up
feel like nothing is funny anymore and
then you're lonely has symptoms of
depression but I don't want to say it's
depression like like I don't think I
have it but maybe it's just like a
sadness thing but and I also don't like
using that word because maybe like you
know I feel like I'm using it sparingly
and like and also because it makes it
more real you know if I use that word
but but basically I I feel like I feel
like I haven't been myself in a while
and I really miss like six months ago
where where everything was great you
know I love my job
you know I I love making videos I love
entertaining you guys I love interacting
with you guys and I thought the solution
of my burnout was to okay let's take a
chill and then I started you know not
commenting as much I started I started
not like I didn't post on my social
medias anymore I start posting less
videos and that I also had like all
these like sponsored videos that had to
do I really didn't want to do them but I
had to write it's like a contract so I
still did them but but I told myself
like oh after doing them I could finally
make videos I wanted me
but by that time like I just didn't feel
like myself anymore right
I felt I felt I don't feel confident I
didn't find joy making videos anymore or
at least like it was so hard for me to
start because it's I feel like it's
something I haven't done in a while you
know and now I'm like I'm just trying to
get back into being myself and and it's
he was permanently honestly like it
seems really permanent like what I'm
feeling right now I know it's not like I
know it's not but yeah that's how I feel
right now
and it sucks because like you know in my
mind it's like oh man I'm not posting
any videos I'm just gonna becoming
irrelevant and stuff like that but I
mean I gotta fix myself first Riley it's
just I put these artificial stress on me
and then it just become so sad yeah I'm
sorry you guys have to hear this but I
mean I there's a lot of things I missed
you know discord chats my live videos
those are really fun all the memes I
made like the hints in water memes I
really miss those
but yeah I mean I guess that's why I
wanted to tell you guys just a little
update of my life I really want to make
more videos but I mean with my mood
right now it's kind of really hard I
feel like I have to you know for me I
have to be in a very good state you know
like a very happy state to kind of like
make videos cuz like you know when
you're so sad and like kind of depressed
it's kind of really hard to force
yourself to make certain things or at
least seem happy but yeah I mean I think
that's it that's why I want to tell you
guys but I don't know thanks thanks for
watching yeah