- I know why we're all here today.
'Cause none of us won that Powerball yet, so--
[audience laughter]
They're drawing it again tonight.
The jackpot is up to $1.5 billion.
[cheers and applause]
I can't even count that high.
To understand how much money that is,
even Oprah bought a ticket.
[audience laughter]
It is the largest prize in the history of the world,
but they say you have a better chance of becoming president,
being struck by lightning,
or being killed by a vending machine.
[audience laughter]
You know what I'm hearing?
There's a chance.
[audience laughter]
A news crew went out and asked people
how they would spend the money,
and unfortunately they were live,
and unfortunately, they went to this guy.
- Can I ask you, if you won all the money,
what would you do with it?
- Bunch of hookers and cocaine.
- Oh, okay. [audience laughter]
We were hoping for a different answer.
That's definitely not the answer that we're looking for.
[audience laughter]
- Oh, boy. [audience laughter]
[audience laughter]
They asked a bunch of other people after that,
and they all said the same thing.
[audience laughter]
I imagine some of you would like to win that money, right?
[cheers and applause]
All right, well, I thought we could play a game
called Who Wants To Be A Billionaire,
and what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna come into the audience
and I'm gonna ask somebody a question,
and if you get the question right,
then I'll give you a lottery ticket,
so there's a good chance--
[cheers and applause]
You could be a billionaire.
[cheers and applause]
All righty, let's see, who wants to be a billionaire?
Who's in the mood? [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
That's the kind of energy I'm looking for.
- Whoo, yeah! [cheers and applause]
Whoo! [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
- Everybody's so polite, like, "Yes, I would like that."
[audience laughter]
Okay, here's my question:
My birthday's coming up, soon. - Okay.
- Okay? Don't help him.
[audience laughter]
If you know. My birthday's coming up soon,
and I'm gonna want a nice present,
like half a billion, or something like that.
What day is my birthday?
- No! Why, why, why--
- It's coming up, it's--
- It's the day you were born.
That's your birthday. - It is.
[audience laughter] That's your birthday.
[cheers and applause]
- Uh, can I phone a friend by any chance?
- You can't phone a friend, but that was a good answer,
so I'm gonna let you have a ticket.
But it's January 26th, so if you win--
[cheers and applause] - I'll call you.
- All right. [cheers and applause]
All right. [cheers and applause]
Let's see. [cheers and applause]
I'll head over here, because I should give somebody over here--
[cheers and applause]
Yeah. That's what I want, a smile, and a--
- Whoo! - Hi.
- Yes! - Yes!
- Yes! Oh, sorry. Yes! Ha, ha, ha!
[audience laughter]
So here's the question.
Listen very carefully, okay? - Okay.
- There is a zebra, and it's headed to the river.
And as it's headed to the river, it passes a giraffe--
five giraffes. - Okay.
And on each giraffe's back there are five monkeys.
- Okay. - How many animals
are headed to the river?
- Okay, five times five is 25-- 26?
- Mm. No, he passes them on the way to the river.
They're going the other way.
audience: Aw!
- One?
- [laughs]
[audience laughter]
All right. [cheers and applause]
Well, you know what? That's--
What I meant to say was, if you got it right,
everybody in the audience would get a ticket.
audience: Oh!
[audience reacts]
I know, I forgot to say that,
and so now I feel bad,
so everybody is getting a ticket.
[cheers and applause]