Translator: Erica Varlese Reviewer: Claudia Sander
I get angry!
Often, this feeling comes knocking on my door.
The other day, I found it funny when my friend said to me,
"Nati, but you're a mindfulness instructor.
How can you get angry?"
And I told her,
"I experience the emotion. The difference is how I respond to it."
And, after all, I'm a mindfulness instructor.
I practice mindfulness,
but I'm not Buddha!
Let's take a look at what Buddha himself said,
that each of us holds the seed of all emotions.
The difference is the ones we choose to water.
It was around 2012
when I realized I wasn't watering the seeds
of the trees that would produce the sweetest fruit for me.
I almost fell into depression,
and then I decided that was not the path for me,
that my path was to find a way to be a better person.
There, in the middle of this path, I discovered mindfulness.
I won’t tell you right now, but I'll tell what it is in a minute.
First, I need to speak about the brain and evolution.
With all these kinds of clothes we wear,
we're not that different from prehistoric man.
But the difference between us and other human beings
who became extinct throughout our history,
is our brain.
We were very helpless, small, with a very long childhood,
but it was this long childhood that made our brain develop more in certain areas,
which allowed us to use reason
and to relate better to one another as well.
Let's go back a bit into the past, to prehistoric times,
maybe 300,000 years ago.
Let's say we're leaving our cave.
Leaving our cave with a club in hand,
suddenly we're facing a lion.
According to our minds, we have three possibilities:
fight, run, or play dead.
There's no way to have a conversation with this lion.
Okay, so let's go back to the present day.
We're leaving our houses
and we have a difficult meeting with our boss.
The situation is just as frightening as this lion here.
We have three options:
fight, run, or play dead.
I bet you're already imagining some situations.
No, but really, if we train our minds
we're able to find some alternatives.
It's not easy, it requires practice,
but this is where mindfulness comes in.
And mindfulness is nothing more and nothing less
than choosing to pay attention to something without judgment,
choosing to pay attention to that thing.
Science has already proven a ton of effects
related to physical health,
to mental health,
to emotional health.
It improves our relationships.
I even proved it in practice.
And this is what I want to talk to each of you about,
how this changed my life and how it can change yours.
It's a new way of seeing myself,
and a new way of seeing those around me,
without choosing who is around me.
Great, so the first step
is to look inside yourself.
And self-knowledge may arise in various forms:
you can go to a psychologist,
you can do alternative therapies,
you can chart your astrological map,
use Facebook tests.
All of this will give you information about yourself.
And we are so interesting
that you will realize that this path never ends.
There is always something new to learn about yourself.
And on this path, you will come across darkness, of course.
Because, after all, we can only see stars when there is darkness.
And in this moment, when we encounter our shadows,
we must be generous with ourselves.
Understand that as humans, we will make mistakes
and there are a whole range of behaviors
that we go through.
For this reason, it's important for us to understand ourselves first.
So, a suggestion I'm giving to you,
every day when you're taking a shower,
why not use this time to caress yourself?
To massage yourself?
And that's OK!
So, be kind to yourself.
After this, you will notice negative patterns
and it's important to change.
It's not just being understanding, it's changing what isn't good.
So, a suggestion I can give you is to switch out of autopilot,
to do things you're not used to doing.
So, for example,
brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand;
wash the dishes paying attention to each dish;
turn your phone off,
in a society that demands that people are always connected.
So, experiment with new things.
This is going to make you more creative, as incredible as it seems.
And to help this creativity it's important that you learn new things too.
There are many worthwhile things,
like taking a course, going to TEDx, a ton of things.
In my last class with my mindfulness teacher,
he took us surfing.
It was something I'd wanted to do my whole life,
but I always had excuses.
"Oh, it's too cold."
"Oh, it's too hot."
"I don't know how to swim."
"The surf is too rough." "The sea is too calm."
"You go ahead, I'll go some other time."
And I was looking for excuses, until I finally said, "I'm next."
And then there was no more time for excuses.
I went in, and they said when I came out of the sea,
I was smiling from ear to ear.
I had realized my dream, and it was really worth it.
And I realized that I myself had invented my fears
so as not achieve my dreams.
If you are your own stumbling block for learning something new,
take that block and throw it away.
Only you have that power.
And it's also worth looking back with different eyes,
this is also learning.
So, also in this exercise,
you will realize that it's important
to do things just for yourself.
It scares me a lot when I hear someone say,
"Oh, I don't have hobbies."
And then I think,
"Well, either that person doesn't know what they do during the day,
or they have a miserable life."
I think it's beautiful when a person dedicates their life to their children.
I think it's beautiful when work gives us pleasure.
But what I'm talking about is something just for you, that only you can do.
So, for example, if you like reading books
and you can't include reading in your daily routine,
what about reading just one paragraph?
Or if you like working out
and you also can't include it in your daily life,
what about one jumping jack?
Just one.
It's almost ridiculous.
You can't say, "No, I won't do it."
And this is the level that I'd like you to be on:
to acquire mini-habits.
And there, in the middle of this trajectory,
you'll realize that it's important to bring tranquility to yourself.
Meditation will help you with this.
It doesn't need to be an elaborate meditation.
You can do it right now,
just pay attention to your inhalation and exhalation,
simply perceiving how this feels in your body.
Scientists say that 20 minutes are sufficient to transform your mind,
twenty minutes per day.
But if it's still difficult for you to put aside 20 minutes,
why not start with one minute of conscious breathing during the day?
Still difficult?
One conscious breath per day.
We can take the previous exercise
and bring it here as well.
In some moments on this path,
I feel the need -
as incredible as it seems, since I love to talk -
to sit in silence.
So, once a year, more or less, I remain in silence for at least ten days.
This helps me work through various issues.
In my last experience,
I learned the importance of idleness as well.
And idleness is doing nothing, nothing at all!
It's not playing video games,
not reading, not writing,
not being preoccupied with anything.
It's simply letting each day go with the flow;
without expecting too much, letting it be fluid.
Well, after all this
it's important to smile.
Sitting idle and in silence can be difficult,
but if you put a smile on your face,
I guarantee you it will be easier.
And it's really funny because every time I think of smiling
I remember my mother telling me,
"Daughter, you're much prettier smiling than crying."
Folks, for a mother to say you look ugly when you cry
it's because it really doesn't work!
And so I created a habit in my mind:
smiling will help me conquer my problems.
Scientists have even said that smiling truly connects people
and you achieve more things through smiling.
If you can't smile, or can't remember to smile,
put an alarm on your phone: "Smile."
Maybe just seeing the alarm will make you chuckle,
and that will make it worthwhile.
Even if it's forced, smile,
because your brain will understand the muscle movements
and it will release a bunch of hormones that will help make your day better.
And it will also help you connect with other people.
And this connection, like I told you,
is what differentiates us as Homo sapiens,
through living in societies
that made us survive in the wild.
How can't we
if this helps us to survive in today's society as well?
So, make friends.
I'm not just saying drinking buddies.
What I'm talking about is meeting people
who will take you farther,
who will make you learn more things,
who will take you out of your little world.
And then I'll look at the person next to me,
who I didn't choose, but who is by my side nevertheless,
that person who I find challenging.
And maybe I need to connect with them, thinking,
"Maybe this person likes animals like I do,
they cheer for the same team,
we could live in the same city.
We must have something in common."
It's important to remember that this person also has a story.
So maybe their behavior
has a reason behind it.
It's important to understand this person's story,
because I also have my own story, I'm not perfect either.
Very well.
And then,
besides giving your smile, give your words.
Choose your words before speaking with someone.
Also choose,
when you need someone,
to use the words, "Help me."
If I say to you, "Help me,"
it's hard for you to say no to me.
Show also your capacity to listen.
That whole listening, full listening,
without looking at your phone, or thinking of what you have to do later.
If the situation is still difficult,
you can make a deal,
"How about I speak for five minutes, and you listen to me for five minutes?
And after we switch sides until we reach an agreement."
Alright folks, this is my story,
and I will tell you that I still haven't reached enlightenment,
but it has made my days much happier.
Emotions add fuel to the fire.
But use your emotions as fuel
so that you can be more understanding
to yourself, and to others.
And who knows, in the end,
you will learn to communicate better with the lions in your life.
Thanks.
(Applause)