- Oh look, it's a tiny chip basket.
- Oh no, no, no.
Uncle Roger mom used to hit me with that.
- Oh look, that's pretty cool.
- Uncle Roger mom hit me with that too.
(beep)
- Hello, it's Uncle Roger.
- And Auntie Hersha.
- After meeting Auntie Hersha last time,
Uncle Roger realized Auntie Hersha, whitest person I know.
She look Indian, but inside, very white, no culture.
Why are you so white?
- I'm not.
- But you have kombucha in your kitchen.
What is this?
Look like dog penis in water.
- No, that's kombucha.
- Kombucha?
- Yeah, I brewed my own.
- Does kombucha mean dog penis in Peruvian?
- Well, did you know actually
kombucha comes from China,
originates from China.
- Really?
- Yeah, see that's how cultured you are.
Anyway, Chinatown.
I mean, this is a bit of an obvious place to take me.
I've been here at least three times
in the 20 years I've lived in London.
- What do you come here for?
- Well, for edamame beans.
- Hey, yeah.
That is Japanese.
Not even Chinese.
You are like coconut, you know.
- Oh, I love coconuts.
- No, it's not compliment.
Coconut is brown on outside,
but white on inside.
- Yeah I know what coconut means.
So today, Uncle Roger going to show
Auntie Hersha my culture.
Hope you like it,
but please put on your face mask
because Chinatown is dangerous place
for egg fried rice lady.
- Can you stop calling me egg fried rice lady?
- They hate you here.
Put your face mask on.
First, Uncle Roger bring Auntie Hersha
to Chinese grocery store.
Okay, Auntie Hersha, this is Chinese grocery store.
It's where Uncle Roger shop for all my groceries.
No more Tesco, Tesco more for British people.
You cannot get this at Tesco.
This is chili oil with Asian face.
No way you can find Asian face on chili oil in Tesco.
Auntie Hersha, look the big rice sack.
When Asian people buy rice,
we always buy the big sack.
The bigger, the better.
And before you buy it, you have to smack the rice.
So satisfying.
Come on, slap with me.
- Why do you slap the rice?
- It feels good.
It feels good.
That's how you practice before you slap kids.
- I grew up in an Indian household.
We used to have huge tubs of rice.
Like bigger than that, so in your face Uncle Roger.
- Oh, but do you smack kid?
Do you smack kid?
- No, we don't smack kids.
- That's why you turned out like this.
Uncle Roger don't have children,
but this rice can be my child.
- Oh, spices.
I need cinnamon.
Oh, turmeric, elixir of life.
Oh my God!
Exactly what I was looking for.
(Uncle Roger gasps)
- Dog penis again.
Auntie Hersha, look.
It's Uncle Roger favorite thing, MSG.
Purity created at 99 percent.
So pure.
Oh my God.
Don't need face mask, I got MSG.
It's okay, this will keep me healthy.
- Because I'm so white,
I believe that MSG isn't good for you.
I've been taught to believe.
- That is a wrong fact.
People scared because Chinese food the best food.
People can not compete with Chinese cooking.
So they say MSG bad, trying to kill our business.
- Oh, right, so that's why.
You don't know, like the science or the data.
- No science in Asian culture.
If tastes good, no need science.
- Uncle Roger. What's this?
- Yes.
- It's dried fungus.
- Yeah, this is type of fungus before there was truffle,
there was this.
Truffle is pirated version of Chinese fungus.
This is what you need.
Rice cooker, okay.
40 year warranty.
You will die before the rice cooker does.
This will change your life.
No more using colander, just buy this rice cooker.
- Are you literally sponsored by rice cookers?
- No, no.
I wish.
If rice cooker company wants to sponsor Uncle Roger,
let me know.
Hit me up.
- So can you name all these people?
Like who are these people?
- No, these are just Chinese gods.
In Chinese culture,
we've got too many gods.
I can't even remember the name of my friends.
Why do I remember the name of the gods?
Chinese culture is the OG culture.
Indian people just copy,
you just put more hands on your god.
This is what ex-wife Auntie Helen looked like
when she angry.
Auntie Hersha, buy new wok.
This wok is the best wok.
(Hersha laughs)
Oh my God.
I thought the wok in your house is nice,
but this wok is like at least a C cup.
- I think it's double F.
- Auntie Hersha must be really envious.
Uncle Roger love wok.
I think I am pansexual.
- I really like this.
I might buy it.
Make a bit of egg fried rice at home.
- Just make sure you don't use metal spoon
because this is nonstick.
- Yeah, no, I wouldn't use a metal spoon with this one.
This is like a big giant colander almost.
- No, that is not colander.
(Hersha laughs)
- Look at this!
- That's for noodle, not for rice.
That's not colander.
- Yeah, but this would work.
- Auntie Hersha see anything with hole
and she think it's colander.
- This is so good.
- Something wrong with her.
Oh look, it's a tiny chip basket.
Oh no, no, no.
Uncle Roger mom used to hit me with that.
- Oh, look!
That's pretty cool.
- Uncle Roger mom hit me with that too.
Hey, everything in this aisle is just Asian parent
weapon shop.
So dangerous.
Don't bring your mom here.
(Speaks Chinese)
- Next, Uncle Roger brings Auntie Hersha to Chinese bakery.
Get some nice pastry.
- Oh, custard.
- No, no, no.
Don't use your hand Auntie Hersha.
Hi, this is Chinese bakery.
Must use tongs.
- Is there anything without dairy in it?
I don't really do dairy.
- Dairy, I don't know.
Asian people, we don't care what is in the bread.
We just eat.
It's good.
- Without knowing?
- Yeah, sometimes you get allergy, but it's okay.
We don't believe in that anyway.
- I've got loads of allergies.
- Like what?
- White people's allergies.
- Oh, so gluten.
- Oh, Auntie Hersha, get Uncle Roger egg tart.
That is Uncle Roger favorite.
- This is basically a custard tart.
- No, no, no, it's egg tart.
- Like the Portuguese custard tart.
- Portuguese people copy Chinese people.
Why are we have our bad stereotype
that Chinese people make pirated DVD.
Portuguese people make pirated egg tart, nobody complains.
- I thought that was glass there.
I was like...
- This is not white people salad bar.
They don't put glass.
- All right, what is this?
- I don't know. It's a...
- That is not a cupcake.
- This is Chinese cupcake.
I think we try, we try our best to make Western cupcake,
but we fail.
It's fun in cup.
It's not cupcake.
(Hersha and Roger laugh)
- Rog, I've got a little present
that you can get for Auntie Jenny.
- Ooh.
Wife cake.
Low popping.
Okay.
- Wife cake.
- Maybe a bit too soon.
Uncle Roger, I'll teach anyone to keep it casual.
Keep it breezy.
(Speaks Chinese)
- 8.70
(Speaks Chinese)
- Well, what we were just doing?
It takes so long.
- Nothing, I was just paying for stuff.
You know, in my uncultured way.
Oh, look at this.
What do you think is in those?
- Gluten in theory,
Everything you don't like.
Auntie Hersha, let's try the moon cake.
- I don't often eat gluten, so this is exciting for me.
- Maybe you enjoy it, maybe you will get diarrhea, 50/50.
Yeah.
(Speaks Chinese)
- Yeah.
I don't know answer in Mandarin back,
and you're like...
- No, but I'll just have it so...
(beep)
What, how do you say Nutella?
- Nutella, just Nutella.
- It's Nutella.
- Nutella, no.
- Nutella
(beep)
- Moon cake, moon cake.
No, but I want to try it.
(beep)
- MSG purity greater than 99 percent.
Ooh
- Why are you so obsessed with MSG?
- Because it's the king of flavor.
With your white tongue you won't know.
(beep)
- Oh my God.
Look.
- No, no colander again, no.
- It's a big one.
I haven't got one like this.
I'm so getting this.
(sighs)