hello hello welcome to a new vlog
like I used to say hey guys in literally every single video but I don't know we're kind of
rebranding here oh my God I want you guys to know that a symptom of bipolar which I have
a big one is like indecisiveness and genuinely making decisions off of impulse I actually just
made an appointment with my psychiatrist I want to talk to her about my Lamictal I'm thinking of
maybe decreasing it just a little bit and I'm also thinking about maybe I should stop taking
Zoloft because I do take Zoloft for anxiety not working at all so I need to get back on track
with just life in general I I don't know I just feel out of sorts absolutely out of sorts so I'm
actually gonna like re-download My Fitness Pal make a new profile oh my God you guys I
need to update words you guys I need to update you on my journaling I have been journaling so
freaking much I'm gonna set you guys down and you're gonna like stare at my ceiling feelings
can be friends too okay okay so I have actively journaled daily since June 18th of 2021. according
to Google oh my God June 18th 2021 to October 6th 2022 is 475 days I have daily journals and
I have not skipped one single day um that's Queen [ __ ] okay it's nothing but words just words and
words and words word vomit on every single page so this is my first completed my second third there's
like pen stains all over it's insane so we have a sloth moment and this took forever to fill this
one at the first page of each one I say how many days is in each book this one is 194 days Journal
I'm on now is this really pretty um like velvet burgundy one and we're almost finished I chose
my next one which is also another like velvet we have some really cute giraffes reach for new
heights I have had people ask me like what do you Journal about I don't know where to start I just
create no rules for myself no Journal how I want say what I want I talk about my day I talk about
people in my life I talk about my past I talk about my future I talk about trauma I've been in
um just literally everything like me being freaking sexually abused when I was younger like
wide variety and like it's like literally one paragraph is like sweet little candies with like
cotton candy with some like rainbows and parts next paragraph is like dark scary like there might
be a ghost in the corner it might not be a big help so much like what is this for this happening
all right time for a Lego segment we're gonna do the next one so that's how it looked the last time
foreign
this is a glow by the way um but I think it's the bottom of the globe for some reason I
thought it was the middle but now that I'm working more on it I'm pretty sure it's the
bottom and there's always an extra piece I love that I have one two three four just four things
okay looks like you guys are in jail but you're not I promise I just have you sitting on this
so I know it seems like I order a lot of Torrid I think it's because I was opening one thing
per Vlog years ago I would order from Torrid a couple times a month now I order maybe every two
and a half months so me and Tori were just friends okay oh my god oh I'm so excited it is the sweater
wait I am pumped it's this black sweater it says leave me alone the lettering is kind of like
towel material they're so cute and cozy so next thing is just a t-shirt but the front of it has
a chest piece I personally love this I think it's super cute and I am excited to wear it so
I got myself like a sleep moment it is a gown but I thought it was so cute it has buttons as you can
see it's black oh my God there's a cute little pocket I love it and this is that material that
seems cooling that's the best way to describe it it's just like material is colder than the other
materials that I touch but last but not least we have another sweater because cold weather is here
you guys look how adorable like normal sweater Vibes right but then there's this satin pocket
so cute I just realized all of the items are black today so I added my new Tory clothes on
top of Mount Torrid not all my clothes is from Torrid regardless they need to be put away we
don't need to judge everyone has bad habits you know I'm not gonna put all of them away I get
bored I lose my mind I get insanely distracted so I'm gonna put some away here is a before
and after it actually felt like I put away so much more than I actually did but I did it
so I just got out of the hospital I woke up with really bad pain on my left side and my back and
when I breathe in it's like this sharp pain and it feels horrible I called my doctor just to make
an appointment but they said you need to go to the ER so I ended up going to the ER especially
because it felt like I was also short of breath you know breathing in was hurting really bad so
it's like something could be wrong with my lungs or they even said that it was like possible heart
attack so they gave me an EKG as you can still see I haven't taken any of them off I'll have some on
my stomach I still got my blood taken which I have a whole story with that which was honestly
so terrifying I am a mess I don't know what to do with myself I'm currently not wearing a freaking
bra because the freaking lady took it off because I got an x-ray of my lungs which my lungs and my
heart looked normal so we're really glad that I went in because the symptoms are you know scary
but since everything looked normal turns out I just have like a strain like a really really
really really bad back strain which I made an appointment with my doctor for next week I don't
know how I strained my back um I guess it could have been because you know I hurt my ankle the
ligament thing and I you know laid up in bed for a while and like how I had to maneuver myself was
very different compared to how I usually maneuver myself in bed on the way to the X-ray room I was
walking through the holes they asked if I wanted to use a wheelchair and I said no because like
why I don't I don't need one I ended up using a wheelchair and I'm about to tell you why I was
walking and I had my IV this situation type deal it's on IV anymore but I had the IV and all of a
sudden as I'm walking I heard something fall and I didn't know what it was and then I just felt
this hot like weird feeling go down my arms and I looked in the freaking IV fell out of my arm
and I was gushing blood all over me oh my God it was all over the floor and clap if you care
all right let's move on perfect like six different people like that worked there from like six
different areas just like came cleaned up the floor real quickly I started crying because I
was scared it was like blood was just everywhere all over my arm and hand and all over the floor
and it was just gushing I don't know how it fell out I'm thinking maybe it was part of my cardigan
like pushed it out slash when you're walking your blood pumps more so it was just like the
mixture of everything it just fell oh my God it was so traumatizing like it was just scary I was
already having a lot of anxiety obviously like you're at the hospital you're scared no it was
just traumatizing it gave me a little bit of PTSD because like before I got diagnosed with cancer
when I was like Rush the ER and there was blood like everywhere in the hospital because of me and
it reminded me of that there was blood everywhere in the hospital because of me again and it was
just like so traumatizing and I don't know it was an experience so when I do anything labor
like walking oh when it hurts so bad because like obviously High I'm bigger so I breathe heavier and
more when I do laboring activities even something as simple as just walking walking anywhere is hard
for me uh getting up off my bed and walking to the bathroom I'm like thankfully a wifey went into
the pharmacy for me that's where she's at right now and she's giving me medicine um because they
prescribed me something called uh lidocaine it's like a lidocaine patch to put on me and my blood
pressure was a little elevated I was like so sad I guess a lot of people who go to the ER their blood
pressure just automatically is a little bit higher than normal my blood pressure was 148 over 88.
my pulse was 82 you know oxygen saturation was 97 but yeah they did the EKG the chest decorate
took my blood and everything looked completely normal I don't know I just wanted to update you
guys on that um the lighting is really weird on my chest but I keep putting down this little
doodad here and then it makes my chest look weird so I have an appointment next week with
my doctor thank God because your girl was scared it honestly felt like something was wrong with my
lungs and they gave me a little bit of medicine wasn't there it's kind of worked and they put
it in my IV after my IV fell out I said I don't want it back in and they didn't have a reason to
put it back in so thank God you know it's just more [ __ ] that I have to deal with and just
be strong and it's just Queen [ __ ] okay you just have to go through things to be stronger you know
can't go back to the time and place we met I was so upset