Gamers are a confused people. Some are blinded by nostalgia,
many of them think that realistic graphics make a game funner
and a huge chunk of gamers believe that Ocarina of Time
is the greatest game of them all.
Now, you have to understand that I have no nostalgic connection at all to this game, okay?
The first time I played this, I was, like, ten years old and I got the GameCube disc for preordering Wind Waker,
so I turn this game on and I say, "This game is old and sucks balls!"
Now, you have to understand that I was a fucking idiot kid.
Ocarina of Time is a magnificent, towering achievement for video games.
It's so unique and creative and memorable; one of the first things you do in this game is
you walk into a giant tree's mouth. You enter and the camera slowly pans down,
revealing the huge interior of the Deku Tree. You see that it's cluttered with webs and
malicious spiders and plants. Then, very slowly, the music starts to creep in
and you understand that this is a sacred place that has been dying for probably hundreds of years.
This is how you establish atmosphere in a video game, and Ocarina of Time continues to do this
over and over again, bringing these incredible environments to life that breathe imagination!
A lot of this is owed to Koji Kondo's musical score. This is that fucking masterpiece shit.
The upbeat, epic Hyrule Field: this is exactly what an adventure sounds like in your head.
Then you got the slow jams, you know, Lon Lon Ranch, it's got that catchy, reassuring melody
that lets you know, hey, man, you can get some milk now! Pet a chicken!
Then you got that evil shit when Link goes down the well. There's all this blood down here
and Satanic symbols all over the wall, and then-- what the hell is that?!
Is this game rated E for horrific imagery and gore?
There are cutscenes and dialogue, but what I really appreciate about Zelda is
its ability to tell the bulk of its story through gameplay. It has a lot of stuff to say to the player indirectly.
As a kid, Link's adventures are more lighthearted, there's always a happy ending, the world itself is
bustling with energy and excitement. Then you turn into an adult.
[in-game screams]
What the fuck?
The exploration is especially rewarding in this game. This is an extremely complete and realized world,
there are little details, little easter eggs, there's secrets everywhere. You blow up a hole in the ground
and then there's a talking cow down here, drinking water. You can see these little Mario portraits
in Zelda's castle. Death Mountain, my favorite example, is always out there looming in the distance.
You just can walk there and climb up and then there's a giant Goron up here.
[excited, unintelligible babbling]
This is my jam game.
Then you have the time travel mechanic, which is just brilliant. You come back to explore
the same world seven years later, and all these things have changed. This guy used to be
some bottom bitch working on the farm, now he owns the farm. Dampé, this poor guy,
always digging up graves in the pouring rain,
he died from hypothermia.
Ocarina of Time is surprisingly somber. People are killed off, you spend most of your time
in dimly lit dungeons set against these creepy, ominous soundscapes, but you push through this
overbearing darkness, because of the lovable characters and the beautiful music and you're rewarded
with an incredibly satisfying ending. This game is a true classic and it stood the test of time
and it deserves a perfect score by modern standards. If you haven't played this game yet, then
come over there and I'm gonna punch you in the balls.