i ain't gonna yak
but i need to drink some water yeah yeah
go for that water here's the hiccup you
hiccup sometimes
excuse me
[Music]
hey what's going on everybody for first
week feast i'm shawn evans and you're
watching hot ones it's the show with hot
questions and even hotter wings and
today i'm joined by legendary comedian
and tv host bob saget you grew up with
him on shows like full house and
america's funniest home videos you can
catch him on the stand-up stage and
speaking of he's here to promote his
latest special zero to 60 sets release
on november 14th bob yeah i'm also going
to show that pleasure to be here i've
watched a lot of my friends a lot of
comedian people a lot of people plug
their stuff and they after they're done
eating here they got to plug themselves
yep does the tongue swell up does it
like a puffer fish of some kind i guess
we'll find out every person's different
how are you with hot food i love this
stuff i used to go to buffalo and i used
to go to the anchor bar where wings were
yes i know how to make them you know i
used to make it with frank's hot sauce i
mean this one's called mega death so
that's nice we know where i'm heading
[Music]
where do i get the valentina i unscrew
the bottle it's already on the wing oh
the wings are pre-spiced
and this is spicy a little bit a little
bit a little bit so the hot sauce
interview show there's really only one
place to start with you because the
internet recently went nuts with the
revelation that you might be the lady on
the front of the cholula bottle right
what happened was uh someone sent me a
tweet that said you look like her and i
couldn't argue with it the cholula lady
does to have a resemblance but cholula
hasn't let go of me they keep holding
onto the tiger's tail and saying we
supply the spice bob supplies comedy
and then somebody called up for my some
one representative and said you want to
do an ad because you're kind of talking
about him like he's promoting your
product
but uh that's the end of the story kids
it just sucks
but i used to go eat these things and i
know how to make them take butter and
you take the hot sauce you put in there
you shake it in the pan after you deep
fried it yep but these aren't buffalo
anymore once you put this stuff on it
you just we've bastardized the art right
are you ready to move on
fart yeah what's this
[Music]
you don't care whether they're male or
female but they're not they're not male
or female though then flats are drums
they're made of flats or drums
that's what stamos says to girls because
he plays the drums
and he likes them flat
that is awesome
you're enjoying this one can i have more
of this one yeah just i'm really good go
go go go at it go at it bob very good
so in addition to fuller house being one
of the most popular shows on netflix
full house has not even left the air
since it debuted in 1987. no it'll never
go away so what i want to do is hit you
with some full house folklore and you
can tell me if it's fact or fiction does
that sound good sounds good to me i mean
hot wings i'm ready to take a crap again
it's true that dave coulier used to
crash on your couch years before full
house was even a thing i met dave when
he was 18 i was 22. we had a mutual
friend he's a great writer and director
mike binder and mike said dave needs a
place to crash and i said okay so he
stayed at my house just like joey
staying in the alcove is it true that
you had to take a break from filming
when you had the pony on set because it
kept getting an erection in front of the
light yeah that's in my book dirty daddy
you don't want a donkey around kids and
the kids were level with it and it
looked like a you know teenager's arm
and then staying on the topic of animals
is it true that the golden retriever
that played comet was also air bud yes
what happened was uh he got air bud
movie and stamos was pissed he was like
[ __ ] dog got a movie i didn't get a
movie i want a feature film
yeah comet it was named after a cleanser
cause i cleaned on the show
because i was danny tanner could have
been called windex but that would have
been a stupid name for a dog is there
windex or one of these wings am i gonna
die no no no i don't think so then i'll
go down too i'm eating the same one i
don't want that neither of us go down on
this thing
poorly that's a great place i love
portland i go there quite often no fat
i'm in
[Music]
um
there's tomatoes in it so you made your
directorial debut with dirty work the
first feature film i directed a movie
when i was 21 about my nephew having his
face reconstructed oh you wonder that
makes me hungry do you want a student an
academy award for this yeah how do you
know all this
uh i've been reading about you foreign
i'm sorry
so i won that and they took his face off
and they reconstructed damn these are
good so you made your feature film
directorial debut dirty work in addition
to being a fan of the movie it's also my
favorite type of movie because it's
blasted by critics but it's beloved by
the people it got screwed dirty work was
something that i loved and nor
mcdonald's a friend artie lange i fought
to get him the job and it was chris
farley's last movie right god bless him
donna john rickles cameo don rickles one
of my dearest friends his loss is a big
loss this
past year has been very difficult the
movie was kind of brash and had an odd
viewpoint to it it's kind of guy humor
not to say that movie critics aren't
guys sometimes but
um i don't know it was really made for
15 year old boys
so when this is over you hit me with
this paddle or my bare buttocks i did
that to henry rollins and he liked it he
seemed to enjoy it that's fascinating
you get big names on this thing what are
you doing with me we're very excited to
have you here i'm excited to be here and
everybody seemed excited when i walked
in people were in the hallway going good
luck like what am i going to prison am i
going to go electrocuted all right
what's this this is a queen majesty it's
a
scotch bonnet and ginger sauce so you
know you've made it in pop culture when
you become a staple in rap lyrics and
bob saget against all odds has somehow
some way become the most name-checked
comedian in hip-hop so what i want to do
is just bounce some of the most classic
bob saget bars off of you and i'm just
wondering how they hit your ear what you
think of them does that sound good hit
me all right so this first one's from
lil wayne it's on all i have but [ __ ]
in my cabin more [ __ ] than a pageant
i keep a house full call me bob saget
hell he's saying i'm i'm cool as [ __ ]
cuz you got [ __ ] in your cabin but
these [ __ ] are dj steph and michelle
so they're not like hoes he also says he
wants a bob sack of money in that song
which is nice that's a nice thing to
hear who knew that i'd wind up here
all right this one's from nacho picasso
on naked lunch
dagnabbit bad habits i'm raj rabbit i
just took a key bump from bob saget well
that's okay you know if you like that
kind of layer i am not the drug guy
people think i am i have gone through
that in the early 80s i was hanging i'm
a comedian so it was impossible to avoid
right coke is you know obviously a key
bump so it was around in the early 80s
and i i can't say i didn't see it but
you certainly didn't give one to nacho
picasso no that would have been cool as
hell but uh i don't think he was born
this one's from machine gun kelly on
miss me y'all in family houses like bob
saget both parents i was on family
couches like you don't want it i'll wear
it inheriting hand-me-downs is a grown
man embarrassed
that's actually poetry
that uh that's nice to be part of that i
mean it's kind of it's sad
but it's honest
uh so i like that i never heard that
this is your sauce you sell this
[Music]
you have a big enough following there's
millions of people following this
um
not to put it down but doesn't it shock
you it started off as a goof and then
the snowball just starts picking up
momentum and then before you know it
it's this big huge crazy thing you know
that's great i say that about my penis
but i would never eat it
alright bob so we have a recurring
segment on our show called explain that
gram where you do a deep dive on our
guests instagram pull interesting
pictures that need more context but with
you we've done a little bit of a twist
we've pulled some great bobsaget
throwbacks so i'll show you the picture
and you can tell me what's going on the
bigger story there okay okay
all right all right laptop please
let me just wipe all this bile off my
mouth smart good time this is good this
is actually amazing i recommend all of
you doing this
it's the last couple that are like
insane right yeah don't uh don't put the
horse in front of the carriage or
however no you don't want to do that all
right so this is a great pick you and
johnny carson that was a dream i was on
his show like 13 times i would tell him
stories and i'd say this is true and he
go i don't care just tell it
and letterman did the same thing he
really acquired some of johnny's best
qualities that he would self-admittedly
say my mother went up to him after a
show once it was so embarrassing she
goes mr carson we just want you to know
you're doing a very good job
there's some lady from philly
and he goes uh thank you ma'am it's like
30 years he'd been doing this he's been
doing it 30 years and then he goes want
to see my new car
and then i went out and looked at his
new corvette and left my parents just
left them they didn't deserve him after
that
we'll talk to johnny carson that way the
king of everything do you remember this
this is your roast the reason i was
happy to do that roast
is it was all my friends it's a
20-minute cut of norm people didn't know
what the hell was going on he was really
playing to the back of the room with
that
called me a week before and said i don't
want to make funny i don't like doing
roasts i'm just going to read jokes from
a 1940s joke book i said norm you got a
curse sometime you got to say [ __ ] or
[ __ ] or something i don't like doing
that meanwhile he did he finally by the
end i was like because i had just
directed him in dirty work i was like
hey
you know i'm saying you got a [ __ ]
dog face you know and then it was like
it was a lot of really wonderful people
were on it and then gilbert there's my
don rickles there's don rickles you and
don i loved him so much we just lost him
and uh i called him like four weeks
before he passed away
his mind was really good all the way to
the end
and uh i said how you doing he said what
do i have to do to get you out of my
life
and he went too far i mean i didn't
think he had to do this
i don't need a dirty dick dude
i'll leave a clean dick that's how i got
this movie made i just shot
oh you just suck it right off
just yeah
clean steeped out that way
oh i shouldn't have done that
this i feel
you play a version of yourself an
entourage and i'm always fascinated by
these shows whether it's curb your
enthusiasm or entourage where celebs are
kind of toeing the line between reality
right fiction it's interesting when i
first did entourage and i did like four
of them the writer producer doug ellen
wanted me to be more down on my luck you
know oh my ex-wife got my money and all
this crap and i said no i i i don't want
to do that and he's well let's make him
the ballsiest richest [ __ ] ever
then that's you know he doesn't care she
can have as many houses as she wants and
he's banging young girls and i'm like
that sounds fun so uh
i've been asked to do a lot of cameos
and be the punchline in things like in
half-baked doing a second dick for coke
i did say that this is the closest i've
come to that since then
things get pretty serious here
[Music]
okay
oh i shouldn't have done that
oh man why did i do this
this is what you wait this is a sound
bite you wait for
oh crap
i hiccup when i hit real spicy food so
get ready so it's coming i ain't gonna
yak
[Music]
but i need to drink some water yeah yeah
go for that water here's the hiccup you
hiccup sometimes
excuse me do you fart projectile vomit
i hiccup
good good i'm glad you checked that box
instead of the others my ears started
bleeding
here it comes
now my penis falls off and i throw it at
your head and it looks like a unicorn
whoa holy crap wait a second yeah i need
a moment you took me from zero to ninety
no you took me from zero to sixty
hey i'm gonna hiccup a while don't make
fun of it
so america's funniest home videos used
to be the only game in town when it came
to embarrassing home videos but now
of the internet and youtube yeah the
camera phones and the lights
live in this sort of thing but what the
people are missing out on the internet
in particular is the bob saget narration
that's very interesting some people
hated it i got
thrashed by critics well i'm going to
work hard on it i know and you were very
good at it oh my god you want to get
married we can eat hot wings and just
[ __ ] in bed what i want to do is show
you some of the biggest most talked
about clips over the last couple years i
want you to react to it i only did five
voices it was like oh oh look out you
know that bad rocky boy that was my
favorite or look at me you know some guy
and then the guy goes jerry lewis are
you even you know that kind of thing so
this one right a science teacher doing a
demonstration one two three let me know
two three
can you go full screen for me can you
hit that right little thing
hold still my students i am going to
simply smash the center block and hit
you in the dick
you just have to be there for it it's
really no talent you know
hit you in the dick would not make it on
the air today that's a shame but that's
the hot ones well that's what they
wanted to do they wanted to uh make it
dirty leave that on what the hell is
that i'll narrate that oh it's so
beautiful here out in the ocean oh [ __ ]
i should just relax here all day i
forgot to douche
you know she forgot the douche and then
you have the ocean is that offensive i
don't want to offend anyone no no i
think it's good i got one more for you
okay all the knives
[ __ ] you [ __ ] you i married you i gave
you a baby why is she telling me to [ __ ]
myself [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you and
your sunglasses you piece of [ __ ] get
the [ __ ] in here i want to have sex
again ran me from behind hold my horns
you shot him a [ __ ]
and i apologize to anybody i might have
offended with my faux accent uh of
anyone from mexico because i i god
there's so much uh stuff in the world we
gotta fix we do we do it bob that's why
this is a nice show because you're
distracting people from it and then
people like me come on and remind them
yeah yeah yeah that's that's that's the
good thing
what is this
[Music]
this is beyond insanity mm-hmm
[Music]
oh my god
this isn't funny no
it tastes like there's medicine in it
not in a good way no no
are you killing me
you got orange juice you don't taste
that you just taste
potassium sorbate
oh it's a lot of sorbets
sodium i'm gonna toss this yeah yeah
yeah smart that's tough do they have
flames coming out here my [ __ ] first
okay go ahead what was your question i
know when you do shows like this you get
a million questions about being danny
tanner right but sometimes i wonder you
know what's the one thing that people
don't ask you about that you wish they
would when people just hit you with full
house questions all the time what do
they miss about bob
they're
it's kind of equaled out with my stand
up i love entertaining people hold on a
second my nose is blinking although my
lung is hanging out of my ass um
you want to see
yeah yeah yeah show it to me
it's almost like jackass having dinner
we'll put it in the trailer
ricky gervais called this a cross
between jackass and charlie rose which
was like that is exactly that is exactly
what it is
and that gives you talent
no it does because people are watching
it because it brings people to the
program
they get to learn stuff and they'll get
to watch someone suffer yep but you're
hard ass so you're you don't you don't
suffer i have the responsibility of the
interview on my shoulders no you work
out harder than i do no no i'm gonna be
on a plane i hope i look like you at 61.
i really do really i really do you won't
if you eat this every week i'll look way
worse look like the [ __ ] keeper from
tales from the [ __ ]
all right there's two left
500 times hotter than a jalapeno chili
what
i mean every disclaimer is happening
right now
this is this is unbearable just put your
toes in the bowl don't don't do a camera
this is unbearable
do i have to eat more you don't have to
eat more the people would probably want
you to eat more i know you just got over
saying what an entertainer you are but
you don't have to eat more
all right i'm gonna have another bite
there's not much i care about you i like
it i appreciate you bob if you saw me on
the street
out in front afterwards just lying there
having a heart attack you'd help me okay
i feel like it was my responsibility to
help you all right watch this whoa
bob saget splitting wings i love it
oh please why don't i do that so you've
been around comedy club since you're a
teenager from emceeing at the comedy
store to rubbing elbows with the young
david letterman so as somebody who's
been in the game now for over four
decades i want to hit you with some
yearbook superlatives and you can tell
me which comedian best fits the
description does that sound good yeah
sure biggest drama king you know who i
respect and love the death out of his
marc maron it's not a drama king but
it's depression
my eyes are tearing up my mouth is on
fire
literally just feel like i i sucked a
dead person's butthole the future of
comedy is there a young comic that
excites you i think they haven't been
born yet and people are telling me now
hey there's new community on netflix you
got to see his new special uh but then
i'll
hold on this is uh incredibly painful um
well that's the hardest one right no the
last dab yeah most likely to fist fight
a fan let me think
who has actually done it
someone like joe rogan is a great
comedian and he is a ufc kind of guy but
i never seen him do anything violent
with a fan you know so that's like
it's a dignified guy that's got the
ability to do it it's comedians that are
good
feel things very very deeply
i'm not that good but this has caused me
to feel things very very deeply
you're going to put more on it
this is the last dab we call it the last
dab
because it's tradition around here to
put a little extra on the last one you
don't have to
if you don't want to bob sag it and i
would i gotta do it you said my name in
a sentence
so let me just uh
little something don't go crazy no just
a little dab a little dab will do you
there you go that would be like a if i
got some kind of a
disease on my wiener that's about how
much i put on of the medicine well i
think maybe there's a multi-use here so
you can have that bottle you can take it
home with oh i'm not taking it
on the airplane they'll arrest me okay
well cheers cheers bob i wish you well i
wish you well i'll see you on the dark
side
[Music]
it creeps up mm-hmm
you know what this tastes good different
that's how it throws you i'm going to
show you what a [ __ ] i am whoa
you've never seen him but well okay i
don't know that's not happening
literally
died okay this is for you
it's for the people that's for the
people bob saget
oh my god
i'm gonna be on a plane in an hour so
one of the things that stands out about
your comic mind is not only how quick it
is but how quickly it can go to a dark
and sordid place not with the mega death
and the last dab and the bomb swimming
through that soup in your body i want to
hit you with a little word association
game so i'll just give you the word and
then you can tell me the first thing
that comes to your mind sound good i'd
say great
cantaloupe
mother
ferret
richard gere
halloween
richard gere hot sauce mouth on fire
the letter a
uh and it's on fire
amazing bob saget you made it through
you conquered the wings you took on ten
questions he drinks in my [ __ ] milk i
don't mean [ __ ] muck i meant uh i'm a
[ __ ] i'm gonna sell this milk yep i'm a
hiccuping mm-hmm i don't think you can
get milk out of it
but you gotta go to commercial
[Music]
it is plug time baby this camera this
camera or this camera let the people
know what you have going on you know i
can't remember
november 14th is the premiere date for
my special 0-60 which is kind of just
where i'm at in my life it deals with a
lot of different things from my penis to
viagra to the death of my mother i also
have a movie that i'm very proud of
called benjamin and it's got a great
cast and except me but i am in it that's
it just thank you guys you guys are all
really really nice
thank you bob that was really quite fun
and it's a funny way to do it it's such
a funny way because it does
it is almost like a game show it has a
dude
you played dramatic music during it yeah
yeah
hello hot ones fans it's shawn evans new
outro same message if you like what you
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fans i love you