Hey, everyone. Welcome to ALchemy. I'm Alyson, your ally in transformation. humans
Humans are full of contradictions, though we often prefer to keep them hidden, even
from ourselves. As much as we intentionally try to separate people as
good or bad, feelings as positive or negative,
no one is perfectly consistent in their personality, choices, beliefs, and desires.
We're walking paradoxes! I mean, have you ever craved both intimacy and distance
in a relationship? Or, kept a secret faithfully only to lie to someone else
about the truth? Breaking news: you're multi-dimensional...
like life! And if you can fully embrace this, you'll enter a whole new level of
mastery, resilience, and experience only a few reach. So if you want to flourish and
effortlessly comprehend the complexities of the world,
keep watching. One culprit that blocks us from entering this magical land of
Transcendence is Either-Or Thinking. Yeah, it's that simple.. and profound. I
mean consider how much emphasis we place on whether someone is for or against a
law, conservative or liberal, technical or creative, spiritual or scientific,
globally or locally focused, traditional or modern, us or them.
See Either-Or Thinking is mutually exclusive; it analyzes options in
isolation from the others. If you win, I lose. If you're right, I'm wrong.
Some scenarios are a great fit for this framework, especially fast and familiar
decision making, but Either-Or Thinking has big limitations and downfalls. Beyond
polarization and erasing the middle, our tendency to compartmentalize might also
be more about avoiding discomfort, protecting our hard-shelled identities,
and refusing to admit we don't have the capacity to see the full picture. Our
eyes are set to standard framing, real vision is panoramic. So today, I invite
thee to be brave. Let's exit Either-Or and enter the land of Both-And. Follow me!
Try this experiment: place your hand above your head as if you're going to
trace a circle on the ceiling with your index finger. Now trace an imaginary
circle in a clockwise direction. While continuing to trace the circle slowly
lower your arm so that it comes to eye level and then all the way down to waist
level. Now look down at the circle you're tracing. What's the direction?
Counterclockwise! How? The answer lies in one word: perspective. You continued to
trace the circle in the same direction but your perspective on the sitch when
you shifted from looking up to looking down at the circle. In other words, you
switched from Either-Or to Both-And. Of course this wisdom has been around since
ancient times; there's some yin in the yang, some yang in the yin. You can find
truth in falsehoods and falsify the truth. There's both good and bad in every
organization, relationship, nation and religion. Even light is a particle AND a
wave. Why go Both-And? For starters, it helps you, your relationships, companies,
even countries take in and hold multiple perspectives and information, even when
it conflicts, so you get the fullest scope of reality. What else? Both-And
will give you a dynamic equilibrium where new solutions, creativity and
growth emerge from the tension and gray are,
you know, the space most people avoid. Both-Anders can bend without breaking,
and your ability to reconcile differences and make continual adjustments
will turn you into a force. Still, Both-And thinking is largely counterintuitive in
Either-Or societies, so we have to be intentional. Let's return to the first
list I mentioned but replace the word "or" with "and". I'm for some parts of a law
and also against other parts, conservative in some ways, liberal in
others, globally conscious and locally invested, technical and creative,
traditional and modern, spiritual and scientific, I'm us and them. We make room for a
much broader picture of the human experience and possibilities for our
future, that's for sure. Your chALlenge is to write a scenario in your life where
you and another person have two conflicting perspectives yet you could
both be right. For example, at work or with family. Think of a scenario where
you are both "us" and "them". How could Both-And transform something as big as say,
politics or religion? And for your bonus ALchemy, here's a five-minute
contemplation. Reflect on this quote and comment your thoughts:
The Third Alternative isn't my way, it isn't your way- it's our way. It's not a compromise halfway between your way or my way; it's better than a compromise..." -Covey, The 8th Habit
Interesting. Be sure to both like and subscribe to my channel for more ALchemy,
and share this with anyone you think it might inspire. I'll see you next time
Peace!