-Oh. Oh! Oh!
-Paula, don't sit like that. Don't sit like that, please.
Paula...
-I'm wearing a hybrid jumpsuit.
-Ooh. [ Laughs ]
-It's kind of a dress, and kind of a jumpsuit.
-Oh, fun. How...
-I've always been a little confused.
-[ Laughs ]
And a little dangerous. -Yes.
Hi. I can't believe I'm here.
-I'm so happy you're here. -Oh, my God.
it feels like... -I've known your forever.
-It feels surreal, like we work at a mall food court,
and I'm like "Hey, Jimmy, I had a dream last night
you hosted 'The Tonight Show' and I was one of the guests."
[ Laughter ]
It just feels so beautifully unreal.
-We used to spend so much time together.
Let me just do this. And you can plug your ears if you want.
I should have done this before you came out.
But Paula's responsible for some of the funniest sketches
in the history of "Saturday Night Live."
She wrote the "Spartan Cheerleaders"
with Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri.
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Omeletteville" with Justin Timberlake.
[ Singing ] Bring it on down to Omeletteville.
[ Normal voice ] "Tony Bennett" -- Alec Baldwin sketch.
"Gilly" -- Kristen Wiig.
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Music School Teachers Bobbi and Marty Culp,"
with Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer.
And "Debbie Downer" -- one of my absolute --
just so you know.
She knows a thing or two.
I've got be honest, and tell you this --
I love you so much. -I love you, too.
-I love what you've written for me,
but I love, also, hanging out with you.
You're so much fun -- so much fun
I would look forward to writing something with you --
well, of course, I wasn't even doing the writing.
You were. But -- -No. That's not true.
-We did 1,000 bits every night, and you were a bit machine.
I thought we could show some of our bits that we used to do.
-Constant bits.
-You showed me the best trick on how to --
how to get a good fake slap.
-Yes. We'll show you a fake slap.
-Yeah. How do we do this, now?
-And don't do this in front of a policeman,
'cause people don't understand it,
and they think it's real. -Yeah. It's not real.
-So, we'd randomly do this.
And Jimmy and I would do it a lot.
So, we'd do it in front of a host,
and really freak them the hell out.
-Yeah. -So...
-Here. You take the person. You face them.
And you go, "You know what, Jimmy?
I mean, this is the first time I've been here as a guest,
and I just thought -- I don't know.
I thought you'd maybe come backstage,
and say 'hi' to me." -But I didn't.
-"It's just really disappointing."
[ Laughter ]
-So, what -- what you do is, your hand has to be here,
so that you can hear the slapping sound.
-I'd just leave. That was the bit.
-That's the end of your bit. -Yeah.
-How are you feeling, by the way?
-Uh, I'm feeling good.
I just, uh...
I went to the dentist recently --
finally. I hadn't been there in a while.
Sorry. And, uh...
I just -- I'd been feeling this weird thing about my j--
You know how bulldogs have, like, kind of a big jaw
that goes over the bottom, like that?
And I keep popping when I wake up in the morning.
And they said that I have something called "dog jaw."
And so... -Dog jaw?
-Yeah. Which is not very flattering,
but I love dogs. I have a lot of them.
And so, uh...
but it's kind of cool.
I'm kind of getting into it as being my, like,
little secret thing, is that it feels
like I have a sort of deformation.
Feel right here. Kind of like...
dog jaw.
[ Snarls ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Don't do that to an older relative,
'cause they'll have a stroke.
-[ Laughs ]
We used to do... -Oh, we would do it --
We'd build it up so long.
We'd do it. We'd take a break.
We'd keep building it up.
"You know that Paula's got dog jaw, right?"
-Oh, it's the best bit. -And people always want to
feel like they know what they're talking about.
"Oh, yeah, dog jaw. I've heard of it."
-"I've heard of that." -And then, you scare the hell out of them.
-The other bit, if you don't mind --
you -- we have a talent that we both realized one night
at, like, 4:00 in the morning that we both have.
-Yes. -I don't even know how to describe --
-Well, I -- I can bleep out -- I can bleep out swear words.
So, you know, I'm like, "You're a really ignorant
[ Imitates bleeping ]"
And I bleep it out with a sound.
[ Laughter ]
And so...
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, I realized -- because I sing,
and Jimmy and I used to sing together a lot,
goofing around -- is that I can sing doing it.
So, give me pen. I'll do a mic.
Oh, you have a mic, here.
Oh, great. No pen.
This is "The Tonight Show." We've got props.
-We don't sing into pens anymore.
-For God's sakes.
-Come on.
-They'll spend a penny. Okay. Here we go.
-Alright. So, wait. So, we're talking.
Welcome. Testing, one, two.
-Jimmy and I are gonna sing "You Don't Bring Me Flowers."
-A beautiful song by Barbra Streisand
and Neil Diamond.
-[ Hums ]
-[ Hums ] -- I don't think the mics are working, guys.
-Sing without the mic for a bit.
-[ Hums ] [ Singing ] talk to me anymore.
[ Hums ]
[ Normal voice ] It's not working. -Yeah, no,
I think mine's not working either.
Like, [ singing ] Baby, I -- [ hums ]
-[ Singing ] All the ways you taught --
[ Both humming ]
-[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
All these dumb bi-- this is just three of them.
-The rest of them involve fart sounds....
-[ Laughs ] -...so we're not gonna do those.
-I want to talk about...