>>> BROUGHT TO YOU MSNBC. NOW THAT THE MUELLER REPORT
TURNED OUT TO BE A BIG FAT ZEER. RIGHT NOW IT'S LOCKUP, CHINO
CORRECTION FACILITY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> GOOD LUCK IN THERE. AND, HEY, HAVE FUN.
>> YEAH, THANKS. I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
>> WHAT YOU IN HERE FOR? >> LITTLE ARMED ROBBERY.
AIN'T GOING TO STICK. HOW ABOUT YOU, LITTLEMAN?
>> WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?
>> HEY, BOTH OF YOU ALL SIT DOWN.
>> I'M IN HERE FOR ASSAULT, BITCH.
YOU WANT A REENACTMENT. >> HEY.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLD MAN? >> OLD MAN?
SON, I'M THE CRAZIEST DUDE IN HERE.
STABBED MY NEIGHBORHOOD TO DEATH AND THEN ATE HIS FINGERS SO THEY
COULDN'T I.D. THE BODY. >> DAMN, THAT'S INSANE.
>> OH, YEAH? YOU THINK THAT'S INSANE?
I PAID 500 GRAND TO GET MY DAUGHTER INTO USC.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WAIT, WHAT?
>> YOU HEARD ME. I PAID 500 GRAND TO A WOMEN'S
CREW COACH TO SAY MY DAUGHTER WAS GOOD AT ROWING.
I'M LOCO. >> HOLD UP.
YOU PAID 500 GRAND FOR USC? >> OH, YEAH.
AND THAT'S NOT INCLUDING THE 300 GRAND I BLEW ON TUITION.
>> OH, MY GOD. WHAT DID YOUR DAUGHTER MAJOR IN?
>> COMMUNICATIONS. YEAH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HER JOB IS NOW?
SHE'S AN INFLUENCER ON INSTAGRAM.
>> STOP IT. I CAN'T HEAR ANYMORE.
GUARDS, GET HER AWAY FROM ME! >> HEY, I OWN THE GUARDS IN
HERE. I HELPED THEIR KIDS GET INTO A
REALLY COMPETITIVE PRE-K. >> WAIT A SECOND.
ARE YOU AUNT BECKY? >> SAY THAT AGAIN.
>> ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. IS IT LORI?
DO I CALL YOU LORI? >> NO, NO.
I HAVE A NEW NAME NOW. >> BROTHER BECKY.
>> YES, BROTHER WALLACE. >> YOU FORGOT YOUR KUFI?
>> I DID. WELL, TO QUOTE STEPHANIE TANNER,
HOW RUDE. >> WAIT.
SO YOU'RE IN THE NATION OF ISLAM NOW?
>> THAT'S RIGHT. I BOUGHT MY WAY IN FOR 100
GRAND. PLUS ANOTHER 100 FOR THEM TO
STOP CALLING ME THE WHITE DEVIL. >> YOU WON'T SURVIVE IN HERE
MORE THAN A WEEK? >> OH, REALLY?
YOU THINK PRISON IS HARD. I HAVE DONE 68 HALLMARK MOVIES.
I'VE SEEN HELL, MAN. AND IN HALF THOSE HALLMARK
MOVIES, I MARRY SANTA'S SON, SO I HAVE LOST ALL SENSE OF
REALITY. I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR HEART,
AND I'M GOING TO CUT IT OUT. >> DAMN, YO, I THINK BEING ON A
SITCOM FOR 12 YEARS DROVE HER CRAZY.
>> DID SOMEBODY SAY CRAZY? >> MICHAEL AVENATTI?
>> OH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, BABY. >> WAIT.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS FOOL? >> WELL, I WATCH A LOT OF
MORNING JOE. I'M TEAM MIKA.
>> YOU'RE A LAWYER. WHAT ARE YOU IN HERE FOR?
SPEEDING TICKETS? >> SPEEDING TICKETS?
BITCH, I'M ACCUSED OF CRIMES YOU CAN'T EVEN CONCEIVE OF, LIKE
BLACKMAILING A SNEAKER COMPANY AND STEALING TAXES FROM A COFFEE
SHOP TO FUND A RACE CAR TEAM. AND I'M SO SHADY THAT A PORN
STAR ONCE SAID THAT SHE NEEDED TO DISTANCE HERSELF FROM ME.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART IS?
I MIGHT STILL RUN FOR PRESIDENT. AVENATTI/BALDWIN 2020.
>> OKAY, HE WINS. HE'S THE CRAZIEST.
>> IS HE, THOUGH? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YO, IS THAT JULIAN ASSANGE? >> YEAH.
>> OH, THAT MAKES SENSE. I WAS GOING TO SAY SANTA'S BACK
ON CRACK. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
IT'S ME. I'M THE ARCHITECT OF ANARCHY.
I'M THE KING OF CHAOS. I'M THE SCOURGE OF THE CLEANING
STAFF AT THE ECUADORIAN EMBASSY. >> YEAH?
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? OLD MAN DOESN'T LOOK SO TOUGH.
>> YOU WANT TO THROW DOWN, AMIGO?
YOU WANT TO? I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF EVERY
SINGLE PHOTO IN YOUR iPOD BECAUSE, BOOM, ALL YOUR DING
DONG PICS JUST WENT ON THE INTERNET.
>> YEAH, RIGHT. >> YEAH, YEAH.
HEY, YOU REMEMBER THAT NOTES FOLDER YOU HAD?
WHAT WAS THAT CALLED? IDEAS FOR SHARK TANK.
>> HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? >> I KNOW EVERYTHING, BABY.
>> BUT MY PASS WORD HAS LETTERS AND NUMBERS.
>> NOW, YOU SONS OF BITCHES WANT TO HEAR HOW CRAZY I AM?
HERE'S HOW CRAZY I AM. I'M WANTED IN THE U.S. AND
SWEDEN. I'M FROM AUSTRALIA.
I LIVE IN LONDON, IN ECUADOR. YOU TRY FIGURING THAT ONE OUT.
YEAH, YOU CHEAT YOUR SCHOOLS AND, YOU KNOW, YOU ROB YOUR
COMPANIES. THAT'S CUTE.
IT IS, YEAH. I'VE ATTACKED THE U.S. MILITARY,
BITCHES, BECAUSE I'M AN ACTUAL JAMES BOND SUPER VILLAIN AND I'M
ONE STEP AWAY FROM DESTROYING THE GODDAMN MOON.
SO YOU WANT TO GET NUTS? COME ON, LET'S GET NUTS.
>> OKAY. HE WINS.
I YIELD MY TIME. >> THANK YOU.
IS THERE A BATHROOM AROUND HERE BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO TAKE A
WIKILEAK. >> YEAH, IT'S OVER THERE IN THE
CORNER. >> YEAH, BUT WATCH OUT FOR THAT
DUDE, MAN, BECAUSE HE MUST BE IN HERE FOR SOMETHING CRAZY.
>> YOU MEAN TAKASHI SIX NINE. YOU IN HERE FOR SOMETHING CRAZY?
>> NO, JUST ROBBERY AND GUN STUFF.
IT'S SO BAD. >> WE MAY BOTH REGRET THIS, BUT
TAKASHI, DO YOU NEED A LAWYER? >> SEE, PRISON'S FUN.
>> LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!