- A one-man standing ovation.
That's good enough for me.
I love that.
Thank you guys.
Ah.
Shut up.
We'll have five suggestions,
and then we'll do a freestyle rap.
So if you are over here,
kind of this half of this half,
what would you like to hear a freestyle rap about?
- [Person In Audience] Nipples on the beach.
- There were two.
And you, did you say nickles on the beach?
- [Person In Audience] Nipples on the beach in St. Tropez.
- Nipples on the beach in St. Tropez.
So beautifully specific that I'm becoming aroused right now.
Wow.
Nipples on the beach in St. Tropez.
There was someone else at the same time said something.
- [Person In Audience] Combines.
(audience laughing)
- Combines, as in combine harvesters?
- [Person In Audience] Aye.
- Yeah?
Cool.
So you are so intimately connected with them
that you just call them combines.
Is that what they're meant to be called?
Are you all farmers?
Is this an agricultural day trip?
Aye, combines.
What, do you own a combine?
- [Person In Audience] I wish I did.
- You wished you did?
What?
Surely they're very expensive, right?
Surely they're like these like big investments.
- [Person In Audience] That's the problem.
- This is the saddest story ever.
A man who wished he owned a combine,
a combine harvester for those you not in the know.
This is fantastic.
Nipples on the beach in St. Tropez.
A man who wishes he owned a combine.
That's all he wants in the world.
Let's come to these people here.
What you, yeah.
You just put a hand up there, so polite.
Yes.
- [Person In Audience] An English Morris dancer
practicing in the cotswolds.
- An English Mor -
you started a trend here, right?
A thing in a place.
An English -
Can you get Scottish Morris dancers?
- [Person In Audience] Nah mate, it's shite.
- Nah mate, it's shite,
That's what he said, thank you for clarifying.
You were just like, I just want an English Morris dance.
I mean, what we can call them shite, what are they gonna do?
Hit a stick.
Just, yeah.
I love it.
And they go, yeah, very good.
An English Morris dancer, practicing in the Cotswolds.
I love it.
And let's come to the kind of this section.
This is the fourth suggestion.
What's it gonna be?
- [Person In Audience] A puffin wearing flip-flops.
- A puffin wearing flip-flops.
(audience laughing)
I can tell you've all been on the booze.
This is -
Morris dancer in the Cotswold,
practicing puffin wearing flip flops,
a man who wished they had a combine harvester,
nipples on the beach in St. Tropez.
So far, these suggestions are absolutely exquisite.
I'm really excited to rap about it.
I want one final one.
This can come from anywhere.
Just make it one you're proud of.
- [Person In Audience] Beelzebub having a bath.
- Beelzebub having a bath.
Beelzebub, one of the crown princes of hell.
One of the, one of the satanic majesties.
Just in case you don't know.
There's a couple of other ones as well.
Yes, I was a bit of a goth as a teenager.
So.
Great.
This is great.
This is what we're gonna do.
So TJ, do you wanna do me a favor
and drop me that beat.
This is a freestyle,
that is a rap made upon the spot
based entirely on suggestions.
I get the vibe that you thought
I was just gonna get the suggestions and walk away.
Like no way is he doing this.
No, it's about all those topics.
And don't worry,
it won't be anywhere near as atrociously shit
as you're expecting it to be.
I'm very thrilled to do this.
(audience laughing)
♪ I want one thing there in my mind ♪
every night you go into bed
praying for a combine,
half stir my heart for short,
I'm like, oh, save money,
starting there.
I put a little bit of coin in the bank.
And so aroused by the comb,
as when I have a wank.
I'm like, oh yes,
picture it in a dress,
you go into the field
and it starts drench
and I'm freshin', why?
'Cause I want to go
to the bank, like please, will you give me a loan?
And they're like, no, no
you ain't too high for the combine.
So that loan's denied,
but still I'm gonna go there beg on the street.
I'm a farmer, agricultural treat.
Please, will you let me have a go.
If it's a John Deere, I don't want to know.
I'll be riding up there in the field,
gathering the corn.
You can see all of the yield right there in the back.
I will give a crack, don't alarm ya,
basically I want to be that farmer.
No dairy, no other things.
Just get that
And I start with the gathering,
rotating all the props.
I really hope one day,
the day you ride on,
you'll be there on your throne
with a wide brim hat,
combine harvester.
Yeah, is that.
We're still rapping about this topic.
I'm on the beach over there,
round a two spotter.
I've got a bulge in my pocket around today
because I see ladies in St. Tropez.
I know you didn't put the gender in the middle,
maybe I could see a man on the beach
with a nipple out there.
Yeah.
That's my hype,
fancy man post on Instagram
and they don't even run,
don't take it down,
they're like
I love that your skins white but your nipple brown,
that's the difference,
I might show there.
What's the name of the bitty areola,
like Alphonse,
that's the goal keeper in the EPL,
if you've got your nipples out,
then it's swell.
Topless on the beach,
I guess see a sexy, French lady,
she undressed,
it feels so natural when they're there.
I like when my nipples are in the air,
(indistinct) you can start bouncing,
go to the water like I'm dousing,
going this way to the left and right.
English people say Morris dancing shite,
(indistinct) bells on my thing and they jingle
in the Cotswolds.
That's on the outskirts of Oxford.
Where did they do it?
I'm not really sure.
Say a bad word about the ancient dance
wearin' all white.
Well, sure.
Perhaps, what do they do?
They get a little stick.
Can they kick it?
You're fucking fools.
Go and play cricket.
Basically, that's what they start doing.
They're practicing a weird dance that they're pursuing
and zoom in there, yes.
It's up for discussion.
And at the zoo
I could check out those puffins,
big beak with the tiny little color,
for one strong to walk any like the other,
he's moving along in the hip hop,
where the fuck is the puffin wearing the flip flops.
He's stammering, with his webbed feet.
It doesn't really work.
'Cause if you see in your head,
the flip-flops got that strap.
How would it fit,
like that.
On the web that they've got.
Do you understand?
This is what you came out, produced with your hand.
You're like, yo rap about the little word
ever so weird, ever so absurd.
Now the last one.
Oh, those for blood and the crown prince of hell,
Beelzebub.
I'm an evil demon in your mind.
If you read that book, Lord of the Flies,
they worship me.
All those little kids.
Beelzebub,
get down to the pig.
But let me say this.
Move from the pork.
After a long day
of just pulling eyes out on stalks,
I love to relax.
I wrap myself a lovely bubble bath,
jumping in there,
rub-a-dub-dub, devil in a tub,
Beelzebub.
What do I do when I relax at home?
Light a candle,
make all of the bubbles with foam.
And what do you see when the foam parts a little?
I'm Beelzebub and I tickle my pickles.
(audience cheering)