Welcome to Spotlight.
I’m Liz Waid.
And I’m Adam Navis.
Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting.
It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
Have you ever thought about how you show love to other people?
Do you speak kindly?
Do you enjoy giving people gifts?
Do you wrap your arms around people in a hug?
Even when you try to show love, the other person may not seem to understand it.
Or they may say they love you, but you do not feel loved.
Doctor Gary Chapman believes that this is normal.
For many years, he has studied how people communicate love to each other.
He has found that all people do not give and receive love in the same way.
He believes that to really express love to other people, you must know their love language.
Dr. Chapman has identified five main ways that people show love.
These are the five love languages:
Kind Words of Affirmation Quality Time
Receiving Gifts Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Today’s Spotlight begins a series on these five love languages.
This is the first program in the series.
This series is based on the work of Dr. Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages.
Today’s love language is Kind Words of Affirmation.
Simply, words of affirmation are kind words you say to another person.
These are positive comments you share in a positive way.
Not everyone feels the need to hear kind words.
But for people who have this love language, hearing these kinds of words makes them feel
especially loved.
Krizia Liquido is someone whose love language is kind words.
She wrote for the website Verily:
“For me, I feel safe and loved when I hear how my husband thinks and feels about me.
The words “I love you” warm my heart.
But hearing why he loves me?
That sends me straight to heaven.
On the other side, rudeness, insults, and even a hard voice injure people like me whose
love language is kind words.”
A person whose love language is kind words of affirmation needs to hear nice things in
a nice way.
This can make them feel loved.
It can make them want to show love to other people.
Dr. Chapman tells a story about kind words in his book.
It is about Anna and her husband, Bob.
Anna was feeling discouraged.
She went to see Dr. Chapman.
She said, "I cannot get my husband, Bob, to help paint the house.
I have asked him for months.
I have tried everything.
I cannot get him to help!"
Dr. Chapman had heard stories like this before.
Many married people come to him for help.
So, he said, "Anna, does your husband know that you want him to paint?"
Anna said yes.
Then Dr. Chapman asked, "Anna, does your husband ever do other things for you, like clean or
pay the bills?"
Anna said that he did.
Then Dr. Chapman said, "I have two ideas.
First, do not ever talk about painting again.
And second, the next time your husband does something helpful, give him a compliment.
Use kind words to tell him 'thank you'."
Anna did not believe that this would help.
But, she followed Dr. Chapman's advice.
Anna began complimenting her husband Bob.
She said things like "Thank you Bob for paying the bills.
I am really thankful."
Or she said, "Bob, I really like that you washed the car today.
It looks great."
Three weeks later Anna returned to Dr. Chapman's office.
She said, "Dr. Chapman, it worked!
My husband painted the house and I did not even have to ask him!"
Dr. Chapman knew that kind words can make people feel happy.
Kind words make people feel wanted and needed.
Bob knew that his wife wanted the room painted.
But, he did not feel like Anna was thankful for his work.
Bob felt most loved when Anna spoke kind words to him.
Bob's love language is kind words.
And now that Anna understands that too, their relationship has improved.
Maybe you know someone who speaks the love language of kind words.
It may be the person you are married to or dating.
But it could be anyone.
It could be a friend, parent, or child.
There are several things you can do to learn to speak love in kind words.
Number one: Be thankful.
When someone does something that you like, tell them how thankful you are for what they
did.
Even if it is a small thing, praise them for it.
Number two: Encourage.
You can encourage people about anything including work, meeting new people, going back to school,
or another area of interest to the person.
Everyone needs help being brave.
But the encouragement should not just be about getting someone to do what you want.
Dr. Chapman warns against trying to change people through words:
“Speaking kind words is ... about encouraging a person to develop an interest that they
already have.
For example, some husbands pressure their wives to change their bodies.
The husband says, “I am encouraging her,” but to the wife it sounds like judgment.
The words express rejection, not love.”
Number three: Use your face and voice to communicate.
The words we say are important.
But how we say words is also important.
Our face, body, and voice communicate how we feel when we say something.
Number four: Do not give kind words of affirmation just to get something you want.
Kind words should not pressure a person to do something.
Number five: Speak kind words, but to someone your partner knows.
Jessica Kumar is a travel writer for the website globalnomadism.com.
She wrote about saying kind words in this way.
“In some Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures, directly saying kind words is very
uncomfortable and not well-received.
Praising that person to another person is more highly valued.
They then hear what you said about them through the second person.”
Words have power.
But for some people, they are even more important.
Do you think that your main love language is kind words?
Do you know anyone who has this love language?
Tell us what you think.
You can leave a comment on our website.
Or email us at radio@radioenglish.net.
You can also comment on Facebook at Facebook.com/spotlightradio.
Then make sure to listen to the other programs in this series.
The writer of this program was Adam Navis.
The producer was Michio Ozaki.
The voices you heard were from the United States and the United Kingdom.
All quotes were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight.
You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net.
This program is called, ‘The Five Love Languages: Kind Words’.
Visit our website to download our free listening app for Android and Apple devices.
We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program.
Goodbye.