-Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. Thank you for tuning in.
[ Cheering and applause ]
It's going to be fun tonight.
Well, let's get to some news, guys.
A week after renaming their company Meta,
Facebook has learned
that there's already another tech company called Meta
and they won't sell their name
for less than $20 million.
[ Laughter ]
When asked why they didn't do their research, Facebook said,
"We did. We just did it on Facebook."
[ Laughter ]
Yep, the name Meta is already being used.
Facebook was like "Fine, if that's taken,
we're just going to go with our backup choice --
TikTok."
[ Laughter and cheering ]
Speaking of social media, this week,
Jay-Z joined Instagram...
[ Cheering and applause ]
...racked up more than a million followers,
then deleted his account a day later.
[ Laughter and applause ]
He was like, "I don't want to get hooked.
It'll be like Etsy all over again."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, after 24 hours, Jay-Z said, "Sunsets, food,
people's kids, I'm good.
I don't need to do this." [ Laughter ]
Yep, all it took was a day for Jay-Z to realize,
"I'm a billionaire married to Beyoncé.
Who cares what anyone else is doing?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Some news from Washington --
the White House announced that their deadline
for their workplace vaccine mandate is January 4th.
It's great timing -- make sure everyone is vaccinated
right after the holidays.
[ Laughter ]
Some more COVID news -- I heard that there's
a potentially faster-spreading Delta variant moving
through the U.S., called Delta-Plus.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
It's basically the Delta variant, but, if you get it,
you can also stream movies and shows for $13 a month.
[ Laughter and applause ] Got to admit it's a good deal.
-Extra leg room.
[ Laughter ]
Some big sports news --
Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers
has tested positive for COVID and it turns out
he may have lied about being vaccinated.
[ Audience oohs ]
Yep, he told reporters he was immunized,
which some people are saying is misleading,
but that's not the only confusing statement
that he's made about his vaccine status.
For example, in one press conference, he said...
[ Laughter ]
-Wow. -Yeah. In another press conference, he said...
[ Laughter ]
And, finally, he cleared things up by saying...
[ Cheering and applause ]
Some business news -- I read that CVS wants
to start hiring doctors
so that they can become a major healthcare service provider.
Yeah, instead of an X-ray,
they'll just drag you across the scanner
at the self-checkout machine.
[ Laughter ] Boop!
Sorry, it didn't go through. Get over here!
[ Laughter ] -Beep!
-That's right, CVS wants to hire doctors.
It's kind of interesting, but, even more interesting
are the questions on the application
to become a CVS doctor.
I'll show you what I mean. First up, there's...
[ Laughter and applause ] Then there's...
[ Laughter and applause ] Next up, there's...
[ Laughter and applause ] And, finally, there's...
[ Laughter and applause ] Oh, that's -- -Whoa!
I never thought about that. -Yeah.
Thank you.
Some more business news -- this weekend,
UPS is looking to hire more than 60,000 employees
at its annual Brown Friday event.
-[ Snickers ] [ Laughter ]
-And, of course --
[ Laughter and applause ]
And of course, they won't hire anyone
because nobody will attend an event called Brown Friday.
[ Laughter ]
Here's how the UPS event works.
It starts on Friday, but, if you show up three days late,
the job is yours.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, guys, today, Starbucks debuted their festive new drink,
called the Iced Sugar Cookie Almond Milk Latte.
[ Audience oohs ] But they're not the only ones
getting into the holiday spirit.
Check out this new ad I just saw
from Dunkin' Donuts.
-[ Boston accent ] We here at Dunkin' are serving up
some wicked awesome new holiday drinks.
So come on down and get something for your kid brother.
Like our new...
[ Laughter ] Or how about a piping hot...
[ Audience ohs ] Or maybe try our new...
It's just a Styrofoam cup filled with Sam Adams,
[ Laughter ] so you can drink it on the tee.
From Dunkin'.
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
-Hey, get this -- I saw that
a goat cheese from Spain just beat out
over 4,000 other entries to win first place
at the World Cheese Awards.
Sounds delicious, but I wish they'd come up
with a better name than...
[ Laughter and ews ]
-Goat Whiz.
[ Laughter ]
That's not the real name. You're making that up.
-What's that? -You're making that up.
-No, no, I'm serious. -Really, it was Goat Whiz?!
-Yeah, I'm really serious. -Fantastic.
[ Laughter ]
-Finally, a couple in New Zealand
unearthed a 17-pound potato
that they think is the largest ever.
Here's a photo of it. This is real.
-Wow! [ Audience oohs ]
-Look at the size of that. If you try
to make mashed potatoes out of that thing,
it actually fights back.
[ Laughter ] Can we take a look at it again?
It looks like something you'd see on Brown Friday.
[ Laughter and applause ] Hey, we have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, everybody.
Come on, Higgins.
-♪ Unh, call it Captain Rock ♪
♪ I started at the bottom, now, I'm lonely at the top ♪
♪ But I ain't hardly finished climbing ♪
♪ No, I'm only at the top ♪
♪ Before I figured I should probably show 'em ♪
♪ Show 'em what I got ♪
♪ Aye yo, something dirty skirted off the lot ♪
♪ It's blacker than the kettle and I'm darker than the pot ♪
♪ Aight ♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
-What a show we have for you tonight.
She is one of the biggest stars on the planet
and you can see her as a coach on "The Voice,"
Mondays and Tuesdays here on NBC.
Ariana Grande is joining us!
[ Cheering and applause ] Yes!
The best!
Ariana Grande.
Plus, from the new movie "The French Dispatch,"
Adrien Brody is here! -Oh!
[ Cheering and applause ]
-And we got great music
from Blxst featuring Ty Dolla Sign!
-Oh!
[ Cheering and applause ]
Blxst. And then, later in the show,
an all-new "Tonight Show Hashtags."
But, right now, guys, it is time for
"Good Name, Bad Name, Great Name."
[ Cheering and applause ] ♪♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
-First up, we have...
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
Next up, there's...
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
"How long they --"
After that, we have...
That sounds like a...
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-[ Groaning ]
[ Coughs ]
-"Agh!"
Next, there is...
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
What? -Yeah!
-Oh! [ Rimshot ]
-Wow.
-I thought you were at Hardee's.
[ Laughter ] -Next up, there's...
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Whoa! Oops.
All Berrys. -Yeah.
-Accidental. -Accidental. They didn't know it was happening.
-No. -Yeah.
All Berrys are here, yeah.
After that, we've got...
[ Laughter ]
[ Rimshot ]
[ Laughter and applause ] "Uh...
Iced Sugar Cookie Almond Milk Latte!"
Enough! Enough!
[ Laughter ] What?!
-Oh, my God!
-What?!
-Too Many Berries!
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter and applause ] Aw, there you go.
-Whoo!
-Next, there's...
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
Just Beyond.
Finally, we have...
[ Laughter ]
There you have it, everybody. [ Cheering and applause ]
That's "Good Name, Bad Name, Great Name."