We've found some toys that you probably won't be getting this holiday season.
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- Good Mythical Morning! - Christmas is right around the corner,
and that means you gotta figure out what to get for your kids. And if I have
learned anything by actually having kids of my own, it's that they are very
- difficult to make happy... - True.
...with the things that you get them for Christmas. 'Cause they're all spoiled
- brats. They're all spoiled brats. - All of his kids are spoiled brats.
But there's the thing: toy manufacturers have apparently picked up on this thing
that kids are difficult to satisfy, so they have tried a lot of different things
over the years to try to make toys that kids will like. And I don't think they've
- all been successes. - No, that's right. Today, we are...
...rounding up some of the worst toys ever made. Let's go to 1977. It turns out,
back then there were lots of kids, or at least toy manufactures who thought
there were lots of kids, who wanted to experience milking a cow.
- Oh, yeah. Who didn't? - But they didn't have access to a dairy...
- ...farm. So, uh, Kenner invented... - Yeah.
Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow. Let's watch this ad.
- ♪ (banjo) ♪ - (Voiceover) Here's Milky...
- ...the Marvelous Milking Cow. - There she is!
♪ (It's fun to milk 'er gonna do it right now.) ♪
♪ (She drinks the water when we pump her tail.) ♪
- Really? - ♪ (She's raising her head...) ♪
- ♪ (...it's milking time now.) ♪ - Look at those lips!
♪ (Her pre-tinned milk is a-fillin' the pail) ♪
- It's pre-tinned milk. Don't drink it. - Yeah.
- She drinks water. - And gives pretend milk.
-♪ (Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow) ♪ - Right the bell. Lips.
(Voiceover) Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow with pretend milk tablets.
- She's from Kenner. - "She's from Kenner!"
- "Yes, she is." - "Wonder where she's from?
- She's from Kenner!" - ♪ ("Her pre-tinned milk is...) ♪
- ♪ (...a-fillin' the pail.) ♪ - Fillin'...
- It "feels" the pail. - It's fillin', man.
- It feels it up. - This is not teaching kids correct...
...things though. You don't get a cow to drink by pulling on its tail.
Kids, try to pull on -- try to pump a...
- (unison) ...cow's tail. - Something else will come out...
- ...I betcha. - (laughing)
- It's not gonna start drinking. - Oh...
So this wasn't a success. This isn't still around.
No, it was not. It was not. And having milked a real cow -- and so have you --
- Yeah. I've drank straight from the teat. - ...there's no...
...there's no toy version that can top it.
I am gonna invest in some milk tablets for just myself.
- Pre-tinned. Gimme another one. - Okay, do you think that kids could
have fun with just a hunk of plastic strapped to their waist with a string
and a ball on the end? Do you think that sounds like fun, Link?
- In some circles, yes. - Well, I think the manufacturers of the...
...Belly Bongo thought that that would be fun.
- Belly Bongo, huh? - Yeah. Here's the ad.
♪ (Bongo, snap it on tight Turn up your music -- all right.) ♪
- Yeah. - "All right!"
- ♪ (Shake it) ♪ - (plastic thumps)
- ♪ (Make it) ♪ - (plastic thumps)
- ♪ (Do yo thing while playing) ♪ - Do yo thing.
These kids are having fun. There's a backlight problem in that shot, but...
- (laughing) It's a plastic... - Ooh, look at that.
It is not on the belly. It is a little low.
Well, but what if they called it the Groin Bongo? That probably
- wouldn't have sold anything. - All you need is a little music...
- ...and Belly Bongo! You've heard -- - But look! They're all having kids...
They're all having fun. They're in a line.
- "They're all having kids." - (laughing) Well...
...that's what happens next. You start playing with the Belly Bongo...
Yeah, kids. This is how you make a baby. First you get a Belly Bongo...
- Ugh. - No, there are having lots of fun...
- ...not having kids. - This is like one of those ideas...
that in the boy... (laughing) "In the boy."
- (laughing) - In the toy boardroom, they're sitting...
...there and they've been there all night, and a guy's like,
"I mean, how 'bout just a string down in the groin?"
- (Link and crew offscreen laughing) - "With a ball on it."
And they're like, "Yeah! Write it up, Dale."
- (Link and crew offscreen laughing) - "Maybe it'll sell."
Maybe when you're doing it, it's like, "Oh, I get it now."
- But, I don't have one, so... - (laughing) Okay. All right.
Because I'm not gonna poo-poo that one too much.
- Okay. - You know? I've milked a cow, but I...
- ...have not Belly Bongoed with my groin. - Okay. Yeah.
- Don't knock it 'til you try it. - (whispering) Hey, Rhett. Wanna know...
...a secret?
It's called Baby's Secret Doll. All right. (laughing) So this was 1966.
Mattel released this doll that talks (whispering) only in whispers.
- Oh, that doesn't sound creepy. - Let's watch the advertisement for it.
(Voiceover) Mattel's new Baby Secret. She whispers, just to you.
- (doll whispering) Is anyone else awake? - "Is anyone else awake."
- (doll) I want to tell you something. - It's almost unbelievable.
- It is! - Mattel's new Baby Secret:
so you can have fun keeping secrets together.
(doll) I know a secret. Do you?
(whispering) "Say goodbye to Mommy and Daddy."
- What? - "I come alive when you go to sleep."
- (crew offscreen laughing) - This is what nightmares are made...
...out of. Are you telling me that this was given to children?
- (laughing) - Somebody in 19-whenever-that-was
- saw this commercial and was like... - '66.
"You know what? I think Amanda could use one of those."
- (Link and crew offscreen laughing) - "She's too normal."
There is a hidden cost in buying this doll, which is hopefully pretty cheap,
and that was all the therapy bills you gotta pay for the rest of the...
- ...rest of their life. Yeah, um... - Oh, gosh!
(stammering) Let's just move on! Because...
You know what? I kinda would like to get this, because I like to...
- ...scare my kids. I would like... - (laughing)
...to be, like, "Hey, Shepherd. I got something for ya."
- (laughing) - I mean, 'cause I'm a bad dad sometimes.
- I like to scare my kids. - (whispering) Pull the string on her hip.
- See what happens. - Now, your baby has a secret. I got a...
...baby that's got a different secret, Link.
- Okay? - And you find out what that secret is...
...when you give it a little water with a blue bottle.
- Uh-oh. - It's called Baby Wee Wee.
Can you guess what he does? Let's watch.
- (doll laughing) - Wee Wee! Wee Wee!
- ♪ (Baby Wee Wee! Baby Wee Wee!) ♪ - Give him a little water...
Ooh, look! Something's happening down there.
- Waddling. Put him up aga -- - Better --
(both) Whoa! (laughing)
- What?! Whoa, hey! - Hey! Yes!
- Come on! - Right into the dog bowl.
- Whoa! What in the world? - (laughing)
Oh, he can go that way, too. He can go sitting down. He can go...
- standing up. But... - You know what?
- ...he's basically peeing. - And if that baby also told...
- ...whisper secrets, I would really... - (laughing)
- ...be messed up. - We need to combine the two.
Anatomically correct whispering baby? You prop that thing up against a tree...
...and it just starts weeing from its...
- Uh... - Well, that is how it works!
I mean, first of all, when you've got children. First of all, they're whizzin'
all over the place anyway. I mean, my kids still do it. I can't get 'em to hit...
- ...the toilet for I don't know what! - (laughing)
You think I'm gonna add another child and pay for it?
- (laughing) - I'm gonna pay for another child to...
...come into my house and pee all over the place?
- I'm not interested in that! - This baby doll...
- This baby doll is not for you. - Oh, really?
- This baby doll... - I'm not gonna give it to my kids, either!
I mean, (stammering) we're doggin' on the cow thing for not being the correct process.
- That was anatomically correct. - And now we're doggin' on this...
- ...one for being too correct. - Yeah, that was very correct.
- Did we blur that? - I hope we blurred that.
- Please tell me... - Because it was so correct.
- ...that we blurred that. - It needed to be blurred.
Al right. Lemme keep going with the anatomical correctness here.
Growing Up Skipper. 1975. Mattel released Barbie's younger sister,
- Skipper. Now, she was just a normal... - Oh, yeah!
- ...tween girl. But then, you twist... - Yeah.
- ...her arm, and uh... yeah. - You do, huh?
She grows an inch taller, but that's not the only way she matures.
- Uh-oh. I'm a little nervous. (Voiceover) Meet new Growing Up Skipper.
She's two dolls in one. 'Cause when you turn her arm, you can make her change
instantly from a little girl to a tall, slender teenage doll...
- Did I see what I thought I saw? - Yeah.
You can have fun with Skipper when she's little...
- Hold on... - ...then suddenly you can...
- Yes. - Well, It got cold in that room real fast.
- (laughing) - New Growing Up Skipper is two...
- ...dolls in one for two kinds of fun. - Two kinds of fun?
- I don't know what that means. - ...comes with these fashion accessories...
Hold on a second.
- What is this teaching? - Well...
It's a puberty doll or something. I don't... you know, I don't...
- I don't know. - Little boys all across America were...
...going up to little girls and pulling on that arm.
- (Link and crew offscreen laughing) - "Ugh, it ain't workin'!"
- Yeah. Give this... - "It worked on Skipper!"
- "I gotta find Skipper." - "Figure out how to have...
- ...two kinds of fun with this doll." - (laughing)
- (laughing) - Oh, watch where you put your hands!
- (laughing) No. - Okay, Skipper. I... okay.
I'm surprised that one's not still around.
She grew up. And it does say that "this is something that you can't do."
Which, what? You can't grow up? Come on!
Well... you can't do the arm thing. I do agree with that.
- That is true. That is true. - It kinda happens naturally over time.
Um, if I said "swing wing," would you be like, "That sounds like something...
- ...I'd like to get my children." - I'd be like...
"I'll give it a shot. Lemme watch the ad, at least."
- Yeah, watch the ad first. - ♪ (It's the Swing Wing) ♪
- There is is. - Does your kid have too many friends?
(laughing)
Freeze frame! Oh, even an elephant can do it.
Yep, well, no. I think you can do it at the zoo.
- That means it goes great at the zoo. - Animals love it.
- (Voiceover) It's a what? - ♪ (It's a Swing Wing!) ♪
Oh, in case you weren't listening to the song that only said...
- "It's a Swing Wing." - (Voiceover) It's a Swing Wing!
- It's a Swing Wing. - (Voiceover) It's a what?
- "It's a what?" - Now, I thought -- when I saw this...
...I was like, "I think I could have a good time with this. I think my kids
could have a good time with this. But I don't think I actually need to
actually go purchase anything." So I took care of...
- Ho! - ...it on my own, Link.
Construction Wing! ♪ (It's a Construction Wing!) ♪
♪ (Look at that construction worker doing his thing with...) ♪
- "Hey, mom!" - ♪ (...the Swing Wing!) ♪
- (laughing) - "Nobody wants to play with me anymore!"
- (laughing) This is... - Look at that! Look.
- (crew offscreen laughing) - I am really...
- (laughing) - Whoa! Oh, whoa!
- I'm really good at it. - As if there weren't already...
...enough hazards on a construction site, now you're gonna get poked in the eye...
- ...with a Swing Wing. - You can make your own at home!
Oh! (claps) And you know what? I can...
- Oh, gosh. - Belly Bongo! (laughing)
- (crew laughing offscreen) - Oh, please. Spare us.
- (plastic thumps) It's working! - Link, I'm gonna let you do that on...
...your own time. Have fun with that. Thanks for liking, commenting, watching...
...and sharing this video with your family and friends!
- ♪ (It's a Groin Wing!) ♪ (laughing) - You know what time it is.
Hi, I'm Adam from Morgantown, West Virginia. And it's time to spin
- The Wheel of Mythicality! - Since you're probably not gonna get...
...any of the toys that we just talked about, you can get the Rhett & Link
bobbleheads! I don't think they're anatomically correct.
- I know that they don't... - They are not.
They don't pee. They don't make milk. They don't grow boobs.
- But the box turns into a set! - They do that!
rhettandlink.com/store! Click through to Good Mythical More, where we
are going to play Pie in the Face, the Russian Roulette Pie in the Face game.
- Oh, my goodness. - "Overly confident conversation...
- ...about echolocation." - (conceited voice) So anyway...
- (conceited voice) Yeah. - Uh, as I was talking about echolocation...
- Yeah, you were talking about that. - ...earlier. We should go back to that.
I know a lot about that. 'Cause dolphins do it, and bats do it.
- Right. - And my uncle does it.
- Right, he... - He makes a clicking sound.
- Yeah, he's just a little (clicks tongue) - Uh-huh.
- I was wondering what he was doing. - Yeah, he does that.
- He's never hit a wall. - No! And you know the great thing...
- ...about echolocation? It's (stammering) - You can do it in the dark.
Yeah, and it's very scientific. And I know a lot about it.
- Right, because... - Have I told you everything that I...
- ...know about it, because there's bats... - There's sonar.
...and then there's dolphins, and then my uncle!
- The sonar comes out of the bat's ears. - Yeah, it's very fascinating.
And then they taste it. They taste the echo, and they can learn a lot...
...from taste. Just like a snake. Like a... uh...
- Bats do that, too. - I don't believe that's part of it.
If you look at bats, they're constantly licking the echoes.
I don't think that's part of it.
[Captioned by Kevin: GMM Captioning Team]