There's my ribs.
We did it!
-Fantastic. -My mighty Figment,
I can't believe all three bikes...
Oh, dear.
-Congratulations. -Congratulations.
-Congratulations. -Wounded?
-Yes! Yes, I am a bit. -Well done, mate.
-Good stuff. -That's it. I became a biker.
I'm being left in the field of battle, but a few beers...
What?
That'll be to say congratulations.
Just...open it. "Well done!"
-It won't say that. -"You reached the finish line."
You think he'll say that?
-He's gonna say, "Well done." -It doesn't.
-What's it say? -"You haven't finished."
Oh, come on!
-No, that's... -But we have finished.
It says, "The actual finishing point is at...
"Ba Hang Bar in Halong Bay.
"As it's only accessible by water.
"It's probably a good idea to modify your bikes so they can float."
-No, but look on the bright side. -No.
-What? -No.
No, think.
If it's possible here to get a helmet made overnight,
it must be possible to get your bike converted
into a Jet Ski overnight as well. It has to be.
-I'm sure they do it all the time. -How hard can it be?
Don't say that!
So it was time to find a workshop and cue the music.
The wheels will be there and there.
The engine needs to be the other way.
The next morning, we stood on the beach and looked out over Halong Bay,
which was quite simply Vietnam's biggest surprise.
It is a spectacular limestone maze, and hidden in there somewhere was our bar.
All we had to do was find it,
and luckily, we had just the machines for the job.
James had attached his bike to a traditional fishing boat,
using the engine to power the propeller.
You've completely disassembled your motorcycle.
It isn't a motorbike any more, is it?
Front wheels, gone. Engine isn't where it's supposed to live.
Nothing in the rules says the engine has to stay in the same place.
-That...is magnificent! -I know.
I've gone with the Minsk principles of simplicity, you see.
I have a rudder, steerable from the bars.
Cables, and then it's just a chain drive down to prop and I'm away.
And that's just the standard pedalo, sort of...
Yeah, this is just a pedalo with a few extra floats on it.
I'd been even more ingenious,
turning my Vespa into a Mississippi-style paddle steamer.
Now, as it turned out, my simple plan was very difficult
'cause the Vespa weighs 940,000 tons.
So I needed four canoes full of foam.
The main problem though is that with cracked ribs,
I couldn't operate the kick start.
Could you start my engine for me, 'cause neither of my legs are working?
As you're injured, I'll reduce the price. 900,000 Dong.
It was time for the off.
It's working!
I have propulsion!
Yay!
But then in true Top Gear amphibious tradition, it all went wrong for James.
First, he crashed into me.
-Go away! -I'm trying.
Why are you doing this to me?
It's that way, you blithering idiot!
Then he crashed into some netting.
Oh, bloody hell!
And then as Hammond and I got going...
Yeah! Once you've got it going, it's like water-skiing!
...he sank.
No! No! Cock.
Why's it done that?
As his boat was towed back to shore,
Richard and I thought about going back to help.
But we didn't.
I did not expect anything like this. It's magnificent!
James meanwhile, on the beach,
in what can only be described as a crashed airliner. A scene from Lost.
What I've done is, I've found Hammond's spare pontoons
from the workshop just over there.
I've employed these local blokes to use the best traditional
Vietnamese boat-building knot technology to lash it all together
to give me more buoyancy,
stops the stern falling into the water, stops it filling up,
Honda putt, putt, putts away, off I go. But I've got a lot of catching up to do.
Out in the bay, there were problems, too.
My Vespa had stalled, and I needed Hammond's legs to kick it back into life.
Okay.
Right. I'll get on my wasp.
****.
-That was truly ridiculous. -All we've got to do is get back to yours.
Ass-ing hell!
-We're going well, so far. -Yeah, it's going very well.
Half an hour later, my new, improved boat was ready.
So I set off in pursuit of the others, and the elusive bar.
Come on!
There's 1,969 islands in here.
-Ba Hang? -Hello. Ba Hang?
-To Ba Hang? -I think he thinks we're idiots.
Come on! Yes!
Where'd they go?
We'd got desperate, and had even resorted to looking in caves.
You know when Attenborough travels the world
and goes to incredible natural sights like this?
He doesn't usually pitch up on a home-made amphibious scooter...
-No. No. -...in a cloud of two-stroke smoke.
And that's where he's been going wrong.
It's not a big motorcycle Just a groovy little motorbike
It's more fun than a barrel of monkeys That two-wheel bike
Okay, if you've just tuned in to Britain's favorite car show,
what's happened is, Richard and I have driven into a cave,
looking for a bar that isn't here, and we have no reverse gear.
Still, could be worse.
God, that was going so well.
My traditional Vietnamese fishing knots have come undone,
and my centuries-old fiberglass outrigger has drifted away.
This is gonna work.
After a 1,000 point turn, Jeremy and I were out of the cave!
I wasn't worried. I wasn't scared.
And with only a few hours of daylight left,
we really couldn't afford any more problems.
Water has got into the electrical system,
and the 60,000 volts is coursing through everything that's metal,
including the frame on the boat, the frame of the bike...
Our bike-skis were in a bad way.
Come on!
But then...
Life! There's life!
It's a bar!
It's an umbrella! It's a bar! Yes!
The little speck over there is Hammond, I'm sure of it! Hammond!
Hammond! It's there!
Sadly, there wasn't much I could do with this information.
**** **** **** **** piece of ****!
Because my steering was broken.
All I can do is go in circles.
And so it seemed the non-biker would get there first.
Come on!
Yes!
And that is how we do that.
The question now was, would all of us make it
before the eight-day deadline expired at sundown?
**** **** **** ****!
I can't do anything because I haven't got reverse.
Eventually, blind luck brought Hammond close to the pontoon,
where I was sadly too busy to help him more.
Just that bit of rope there, look! That black rope is long enough.
-Swim. -No.
Come on. Come on. Another foot.
Put your back into it!
With the swan lined up, I gave the engine a burst.
Damn it.
Yes!
Using nothing but currents and the wind,
Richard Hammond's idiotic Minsk appears to have made it.
Have a beer.