in this video we'll be looking at autism in girls on specifically five social
anxiety trait coming up okay I'm Dan I have Asperger syndrome ADHD OCD dyslexia
I make weekly videos on this type of content so if you're new around here and
wanna learn more consider subscribing hey guys I'm Charl and I have a diagnosis
of autism and today I'm gonna be sharing some personal experience of my social
anxiety traits leave us a comment in the comment section below let us know if
you're on the spectrum or if your like a person who has a loved one or whatever on
the spectrum and you're looking at this video to kind of gain some healp and
experience for them hey guys welcome back to The Aspie World
I'm super awesome to actually have a guest here today this is the first
collab I've done this year I've never had another influencer so Charl is
actually quite well known for her MTV show on just tattoo of us which I'll
leave some links down below and some stuff on the screen here if you want to
see that also she runs a really cool Instagram account but importantly she's
launching a YouTube channel so I'll be leaving the link that in the description
below that you all have to go down and subscribe and show some love because
we need more females on the spectrum on this platform so super cool we wanted to
do a video for awhile and one of the things we wanted to do was talk about
autism and girls and different things so we decided to talk about social anxiety
since it's such a huge issue or it's a big well talked about topic but I feel
like it's not as talked about for girls you know I feel like it's always
male-dominated as always males kind of doing this than the other so in this
video we're literally talking about Charls perspective perspective of those
traits and her personal insight and things like that so I think this can be
really valuable to all of you guys so we're gonna go through five different
things and just really sum it up by the end of it and talk about our discussion
and if you wanna jump in at any single time and add anything in put it in the
comment section below and give this video a thumbs up if you're enjoying
this type of content so number one is masking so Charl do you want to take us
through a little bit about masking and some of your personal insight an experaince
with that so one of the things that affects me is masking and this is
something that I'd say most women do on the spectrum actually and it's very
really common trait and basically it's hiding your traits and pretending to be
a version of yourself that it's socially acceptable masking and hiding my traits
so that the other person can't suspect anything odd or weird or anything and
what I tend to do is I copy and mimic other people's behavior so that I can
represent a socially acceptable version of myself would you say that this is you
pick up masking from watching like TV and film because this is an interesting
topic like would you say that you learned social kind of masking from like
mimicking people on movies it's basically from use of being rejected socially and
so you take characteristics from other people you're adopting other people's
behavior and characteristics and applying it to your own it's basically
just lying a putting on a front you so you're pretending to be somebody else you're
pretending to be something that is socially acceptable so that you can
connect with someone else but then you're actually hiding your true selves
what kind of effect is what kind of effect is there's actually masking have
on you as a person so if you go through your day and you're masking obviously
you're not being comfortable in your own skin and you're not being you what
repercussions can that have well those had massive repercussions on me
especially as an adult because over the years it's something that I've done so
long that you start to lose sense of self and this actually led to me having
identity problems because I was hiding my traits so often and putting on this
front where I was somebody completely different just to fit in that I didn't know
who actually was that's fascinating because like I think one of the main
factors for why females have been not as diagnosed as males is because masking is
apparent and they say oh well you know that they're fine here to find their or
whatever you know it's it's weird that it's now what like masking was a thing
that we didn't even know existed but is now that we're able to put an actual
name to it and say this thing quite fascinating it's a bit of a tricky
thing as well and I know that there's not a lot out there on women on the
spectrum especially so that's why I'm doing my bit to raise awareness so the
reason it's a tricky thing is because it's a massive trait but it also goes
against being diagnosed so if you're actively seeking a diagnosis then you're
so good at hiding it that sometimes not even a professional can diagnose you
because you can't see it so good especially as an adult as well on the
spectrum you get so used to hiding your traits that you are now this brilliant
actress that you didn't even know and another thing about masking is that like
you develop coping or like workaround strategies right so this is this is
something I found fascinating so in terms of like a lot of people say oh I
go undiagnosed for X amount of years and they say oh I didn't know you had an
issue with that but then they make like workaround coping mechanisms for
instance like if you were you didn't like okay you don't want to talk you get anxiety
on the phone to order pizza yeah anytime we had to be anywhere
with you wanna order pizza you'd always say oh can you do for me I
just gotta go to the toilet or I'm just gonna go to do something simple things like that
would to pick up the phone and I can't make conversation on the phone I can't
do anything that requires an immediate response because I find that it's far too
much pressure so I let somebody else do it or for example if I have to pay for
an item I'll let somebody else do it you know
it's little things yeah yeah definitely I think that it just fascinates me and I
think that this is one of the reasons why we're having a huge gap in the amount of
females to males being actually diagnosed but I think that gap is smaller
getting smaller small now and so having the things like the National
Autistic Society have a new program and training program for autism in girls but
it's really good and people like yourself doing more advocacy on it it's
gonna be awesome
okay so number two is selective mutism do you wonna' talk to us a bit about selective
mutism yeah selective mutism it's something
that affects me mainly when I'm in groups of people so one to one speaking
to someone I'm pretty good I'm actually pretty great especially if we've got
something in common to talk about otherwise
not really
this is actually something that led to my diagnosis because while I was away
filming from MTV I went out for meal as a group with some of the other artists and
I literally became stuck I was trapped inside of myself and it got to a point
where I was so overwhelmed by everything in my in my environment and socially
especially that I physically couldn't speak and it's hard because when you're
trying to explain this a server because you have to be in that situation to
experience it and there's nobody can test it really so how often do you say
you experience kind of selective mutism and what type of situations would you
experience it and probably like some bizarre reason it tends to be more
around people my own age I'm not sure if that's because I said there were people
our age maybe I think it's because if maybe you feel like expect it to be a
certain way around people your age the act and behave a certain way yeah and
acting a certain way being that kind of a typical person when you're not
typical person so you might feel like you know I can't contribute to this
situation and so you just kind of climb up for something I don't know I'm just
trying to figure out but it's fascinating I've experienced it and it
wasn't it said it to me work what's apping talking about doing this video and
talk about different thingsoh selective mutism and I've experienced this
when I go to Naomi's mum's house and we have like I do at family dinners or
family dinners just like she'll say Dan you don't speak like you don't
why do you engage why you not speaking and stuff I'm like I have no idea like I did to
be social and I have to make conversation and then you're applying
even more pressure on your side yeah and it's just boils down to okay this is
never gonna happen I guess like I always have this really intense fear of being
judged on anything that I say so then it's it
the point where it's so bad and I've clammed up so much that anything I do
actually say like anything since I can actually go give myself a little pat on
the back I mean I can appreciate that and you know it's difficult thing to
overcome so I mean maybe you're noticing this in say you're a parent watching
this or a guardian or or a loved one or whether and you noticing these kind of
traits and somebody it's quite interesting if you come across this for
the first time then it may be possible that they have a special condition
because I find this is very valuable
okay so number three is making small talk and this one I kind of brings to me
as well I know a lot about kind of like how it's difficult to make small talk
when having expression condition because that is like it's super difficult so
you're talking about your of the experience of being a female especially
sure I mean like a lot of people would probably doubt this and a lot of people
that have met me personally and that's because I mean I I will make the effort
to trap to them but what I'm actually doing is running off a script of stuff
I've learnt to say over the years that is socially acceptable and I'm just
repeating myself basically in every conversation with every single person
because I when that script runs out what do I see now yeah I can totally I can
totally relate and like I have a few things that I talk about one oh I'll
talk about I see other people and then when they're not interested I'm like
okay well I'll talk about politics cuz I know a lot of politics right and if thier
not interested in politics I'm kind of all out you know there's so if someone said to me
let's talk about cars I'm like there's no way there's like no way conversations going
to go into it life finding those situations are like the panic situations
i'm like uh oh what am I gonna do now it's because like I mean it's a common
autistic trait that people with autism tend to speak about themselves and speak
about their interests and then you've also got that in fact that we you have
to actively try to pretend to be interested in that other person when
actually you don't care you don't care okay and it's not that you're not a
caring person it's just that you you're very strict on your interests what were
you enjoy talking about it's really very very interesting and I love kind of
having conversations with other autistic individuals because you can relate them
so much and it's interesting because I can go through life just thinking things
yourself and you talk somebody like huh yeah right because we can talk about the
things because we have that kind of common ground but it's interesting when
you yeah you with like typical people who want to talk about like cars and
work and going out it's like so weird and especially like I mean I don't have
typical interest the girls have for example having my nails done or no idea
what to talk it's totally true like so I don't drink alcohol in like a lot of
guys like love drinking beer and all this stuff so if I me like Nomi's family
members or they talk about beer and drinking like how completely I feel yeah
I have no idea what's going on you know like it just it's really difficult I
think it's probably more difficult to find for people to find common ground
with me yeah yeah they must think I mean they must be able to sense when I'm not
really interested only yes well look I mean it's it like you said it's a very
typical trip of autism and I feel that like if you're experiencing this
yourself and you can relate to this then this is definitely a video for you and
leave a comment down below as well oh your experiences I love to talk to people
about the different types of experiences they're having okay so number four is
fear of socialising and this is this is a huge one I mean socializing for
anybody on the spectrum is a very difficult situation especially the
people you don't know and if it's a lot of people so let me know how do you
experience that fear so slightly well I mean it's not something that other
people could notice because like I said earlier hiding traits and this applies
to this one massively because I'm basically actually get like a lump in my
throat and I and I feel absolute dread when I know that I have to be social
with someone or speak to someone on a personal level and it's not because
they're not interesting people it's just because I generally am extremely
intimidated by people when it when I figure to meet them as well so yeah
it just builds avoidance issues as well do you feel like it kind of built up a
frustration or anger so like if you're forced to be in social situations you
also have a fear of it and the masking comes into play does that have a
kickback like oh my goodness you know because because with me because it's
different males in spectrum I just I just don't you know from this situation
where people expect something of you I we don't really technically how about
masking ability I guess because you know the female and male brains do work
slightly differently in that respect I think it's because like in general women
are more socially aware right yeah so I mean it would really matter to me what
other people thought so sometimes you're like okay I need to go through this and
I need to do this and again the masking comes into play but I'm wondering like
does that have a kick back so you do the you know you masking you go force yourself
to a fearful situation of socializing then like later on at home did you have
a kick in the head so anything that happens like any any social event that
happens during the day I will go home and I will really sit and think about it
and I'll think like well I shouldn't have said that I should have said it
differently or perhaps did I offend that person and and and then it just it just
makes you so scared of just socializing yeah yeah yeah I need you trying to do
yeah because you just think that I'm useless at this and I'm gonna fail so
then it just instills an absolute fear in you and I don't know what it is I
don't know it me so scared to connect with other people I know I think it's
it's because the unpredictability of people because you don't have people
gonna react to anything and I think that that's the fear is that I don't know how
they're gonna react and you know I just think me ages to figure this out I'm
working on this channel and working with professionals is how I've come to a
conclusion about so I think is I think the intense fear as well comes from
being socially rejected over the years no you could you rejected so often you
can use that fear you get and then it gets a point where I mean I
wasn't treated very well in school I was quite bullied in school for being the
quiet wouldn't believe it or not and then you're even more scared of speaking
because it was a bigger thing yeah that's crazy but like and that is I
think you know school is like probably the worst place like typical mainstream
school kids can be mean as heck so this doesn't help especially can females who
are trying the best to market because again females they're so clever in the
way that you know you know female with autism is like you said they're trying
to do all these things and that the guys are just like lazy typically and not
respect they don't try those things because I have no idea why that's how it
works and I just find it it's crazy because police should be so horrible
especially someone who's already trying to harvest you know that's definitely
you when you have to make the active effort as one you said I mean that's
people on a spectrum we do actively have to make more of an effort than you have
really person because it does it requires a lot yeah it takes way more
effort it's like do you think going like this distorted picture thing up is like
way more effort involved for some of the autism it would be for a typical person
because all that interaction the life some of the stimuli the people
socializing but then cuffing the money that the worrying the the anxiety of
just being outside like it's all of those things out there but I think it's
just yeah it's crazy
so number five is isolating or isolation talk about how you isolate
yourself and what I mean so I mean this is probably a follow-on from the fear of
socializing because what happens is you get such a big fear of socializing that
you become socially avoidant and this can lead to other mental illnesses as
well like depression for example but sometimes you know what I can be at home
when I can be really I can feel really low in myself because my social life has
gone out the window because I've just I've just not got the energy to be able
to invest in that so busy during the day and then what happens is I avoid every
one I start to become depressed yeah because it's kinda like a catchment is
you don't want to go out because you're feeling kind of that fear of like you
know the sometimes it's definitely you feel like it's gonna take more effort
but then when you don't go out and doing those things you become a bit more
recluse and then it gets worse and then it kind of plays in your mind in you and
then your moods starts to dip and then you're just in a downward spiral also
another thing as well like I mean I for example I can
my friends right and I have an amazing time out of my friends will have a great
laugh and then I will come home and just cry and it's because like like you said
really all those environmental factors
everything yeah everything that's you all the information your brain is trying
to process at one time it gets to a point where do you want to
see me you're just gonna have to come to my yeah I'll deal with the fact that
text messages are the way to go like I interviewed a guy I was doing a
collaboration video with a guy called Kevin Chapman who is a really big
youtuber an autism advocate on the on the platform and Kevin's got a son
called Andy who has autism and he said to me every day and he came every Monday
and he would come home from school and just throw up like like every Monday
he'd come on throw up and you said while it's going on oh no other day just the
Monday come home throw up on the floor and you sit down what's going on I said
well he's had you know Friday evening Saturday and Sunday to just chill out
and be in his own zone and be comfortable then he goes into a school
environment which throws him all out and he's happened to deal with that all day
and he just goes crazy sick so it's kind of like I can totally understand what
you know about I've not really experienced that myself from because I
just have been used to accessing myself for ages I can't know the last time I
cross this off to another situation because like you you want to go out and
have that fun of your friends I'm not really bothered I'd rather just kind of
like separate myself and I think that is the difference between the male and the
female on the spectrum the friends I have the friends that just know how
useless I am maintaining friendships and they kind of accept them they just think
well Charl is the way she is and if I want to see her I'm just gonna have to
give her a call or yeah there's nothing wrong with that and I think that like
being proud of who you are as well it's going to definitely help overcome any
kind of stigma about all those things ok so just want to say thanks for Cherl
to come down and actually do this video it's super awesome and I'm looking
forward to getting a tattoo from you sometime in the near future if you want
to check out the next video it's all about autism symptoms in girls and I'll
leave it in the next video card and don't forget to subscribe if you wanna
learn more see you next time guys