>> GERALDINE, YOU OKAY CLOSING UP TONIGHT?
I'M MEETING LYLE FOR A "MAD MEN" TRIVIA NIGHT.
>> OH, I LOVE THAT SHOW. >> NO, IT'S NOT THE SHOW.
IT'S TRIVIA ABOUT MAD MEN. LIKE JOHN WAYNE GACY, TED BUNDY
OR THE JOKER. >> WELL, THAT SOUNDS FUN.
>> IT'S MORE TENSE AND UNSETTLING.
BEFORE YOU GO, COULD YOU MARRY ALL THE HALF USED KETCHUPS
TOGETHER SO THAT THEY LOOK FULL? >> OKAY, NO PROBLEM, HAVE FUN
MARGE. ALRIGHT, HERE GOES.
♪♪♪ >> YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE WANDA.
>> THANK YOU. >> REALLY, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? >> NOTHING, I'M JUST HAPPY.
THIS IS ALL SO WONDERFUL. >> WANDA, ARE YOU CRYING?
>> NO, NO, NO. I HAVEN'T OPENED UP IN A WHILE,
AND THERE'S A TINY LAYER OF WATER AT THE TOP.
>> LISTEN, I'M NO AIOLI, BUT I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU WANDA.
>> WINDERMERE, I CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T MARRY SOMEONE I DON'T
LOVE. >> BUT OF COURSE WE LOVE EACH
OTHER. YOU'RE JUST GETTING COLD BOTTOM
OF THE BOTTLE. >> CAN'T YOU SEE?
I'M NOT LIKE YOU. >> WANDA, I KNOW YOU'RE ONLY A
QUARTER FULL AND I'M THREE QUARTERS FULL.
BUT TOGETHER IT WON'T MATTER. WE'LL JUST BE ONE FULL KETCHUP.
>> NO, WE WON'T, BECAUSE I'M NOT KETCHUP AT ALL.
I'M CATSUP. >> WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
>> YOU HEARD ME. >> YOU'RE TELLING ME I'VE BEEN
GALLIVANTING AROUND TOWN WITH SOME CHEAP OFF BRAND GENERIC
KETCHUP? >> DON'T YOU DARE, YOU'RE NOT
EVEN HEINZ, YOU DIRTY HUNT. >> YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO CALL
ME A HUNT IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY. AND TO THINK I TRUSTED YOU.
>> YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANTED TO BELIEVE WINDERMERE, BUT DEEP
DOWN YOU KNEW, YOU ALWAYS KNEW. >> LOOK, WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT.
WE JUST NEED TO GET RID OF THAT STUFF INSIDE YOU, AND WAIT UNTIL
A REAL KETCHUP BOTTLE BREAKS ON THE FLOOR, AND THEN WE'LL SCOOP
UP THAT KETCHUP AND FUNNEL IT INTO YOUR BOTTLE.
>> NO, I'M SORRY, BUT I'VE MET SOMEONE ELSE.
HIS NAME'S CHOLULA. >> HEY, WHAT'S UP GUYS?
>> HOT SAUCE? YOU'RE CHOOSING HOT SAUCE OVER
KETCHUP? >> WAKE UP WINDERMERE, IT'S
2023. NO ONE WASTES PRECIOUS CALORIES
ON KETCHUP ANY MORE. THEY WANT SPICE, THEY WANT A
PEPPERY TANG. THEY WANT TO FEEL ALIVE FOR ONCE
IN THEIR GODDAMN LIVES. >> YOU'RE THROWING YOUR FUTURE
AWAY IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING. KETCHUP IS THE PERFECT RECIPE.
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT UMAMI IS?
THE FIFTH TASTE, IT'S IN HERE, AND THAT LOW RENT CORN SEASONING
WOULDN'T KNOW UMAMI IT IF IT BIT HIM IN HIS WOODEN HEAD.
>> HEY MAN, IT'S A CAP. IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY SATISFYING
WHEN YOU TOUCH IT. >> I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST
RUINED MY FAMILY'S RECIPE BY MIXING WITH THE LIKES OF CATSUP.
MOM, DAD, JEREMY, ELIZABETH, ALL COUSINS, LET'S GO.
>> CHOLULA DOESN'T NEED UMAMI, BECAUSE HE'S A REAL CONDIMENT.
AREN'T YOU BABY? UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, HE DOESN'T
NEED ME TO SLAP HIM IN THE BACK JUST SO HE CAN PERFORM.
>> SO YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN TOGETHER?
>> THAT'S RIGHT. WE EVEN HAVE A PACKET TOGETHER.
[ BABY CRYING ] >> MY WANDA, I HOPE YOU'RE
HAPPY. AND I DON'T RELISH TELLING YOU
THIS, BUT VINEGAR AND I HAD A DOUBLE TEAM WITH AN ORDER OF
FISH AND CHIPS. >> I KNOW.
I WENT THROUGH YOUR PHONE AND FOUND PHOTOS.
IT LOOKED DELICIOUS. >> GOOD-BYE, WANDA.
>> GOOD-BYE WINDERMERE. >> AND GREAT MEETING YOU MAN.
SORRY ABOUT ALL THE AFFAIR STUFF.
>> JUST TREAT HER RIGHT, OKAY? BETTER THAN I COULD.
>> ALRIGHT, DOPE, YEAH. >> NOW, KISS ME CHOLULA.
KISS ME WITH THOSE SIZZLING PEPPERY LIPS.
>> TRY NOT TO GET ME IN YOUR EYE.
>> OH, I LOVE YOU, CHOLULA. AND I LOVE YOU KETCHUP.
>> GERALDINE, EVERYTHING OKAY IN HERE?
>> HEY, MARGE, EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I WAS -- >> JUST MAKING THE KETCHUP KISS
THE CHOLULA. >> YES, SORRY.
>> WELL, I DIDN'T SAY STOP.