I would just like to start this off by saying panic attacks are probably some of the worst things to experience.
No, there's probably a lot worse things to experience...
But its up there! I want to show you what...
What my first panic attack looked and sounded like...
Hopefully, it'll give you some kind of idea of what that actually feels like.
I just want to give a trigger warning if you suffer from really bad panic attacks you probably...
Should skip forward! (1:20)
Okay, this looks nice!
So the first time I had a panic attack, my heart started beating faster than I'd ever felt it beat before.
*loud heartbeat and heavy breathing during camera transitions*
Everything around me started fading
into darkness.
People were talking their voices just faded out because all I could focus on is the sound of my heart beating louder and louder.
My hands started shaking
And then my hands went numb.
And I couldn't feel my hands anymore for some reason. I couldn't grip anything. There was a strobe effect on everything.
I'm just feeling like I was a camera inside my head looking at my body.
*breathing and heartbeats intensify*
*sigh*
Enough of that!
I thought I was going mentally insane.
Literally, I thought that from that moment on for the rest of my life...
I was going to be stuck in my head freaking out without any reason, and I thought I was gonna be the only one who would really know what I was experiencing.
For some reason after I had that first one I was constantly afraid of getting another one which would bring on another panic attack.
It was terrifying for me. That was right when Smosh started picking up, and I was like Oh-My-God.
This is something amazing that I can make for myself right now!
And I could lose it all, Because every day...
I can't help thinking about the fact that I'm scared of having a panic attack because of how much it could ruin everything...
And then in turn getting one. The only way I was able to actually get over the fear of having a panic attack at any moment was...
By doing this thing that I read in this article which I actually thought was completely crazy, and I don't know how it works.
I don't know if it only worked for me. The article suggested that the only reason you're having a panic attack in the first place is because you're afraid of being out of control and having one when you don't want to have one.
It suggested sitting down, trying to give yourself a panic attack on command. I was like,
"Just - just have a panic attack right now, feel all those terrifying feelings you've ever felt...
And just let it all happen right now."
And...
Nothing happened. I couldn't give myself a panic attack. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't give myself one.
And that was probably the hugest revelation I've had in regards to my anxiety!
For some reason being in control of that feeling made me realize it really was all in my head.
I felt like I could actually function for the first time in probably like four years.
And that doesn't mean I'm completely cured of having panic attacks. That feeling never truly goes away.
My most recent one was when I was about do go do karaoke, and I was actually vlogging that day.
(The Vlog) I've been sitting here for 40 minutes while Miel has been coaching me... [Miel laughs]
I just hate this anxiety so much...
I don't know why I have it, but...
You know, a lot of times when I'm talking about it I'll say "Oh yeah! I got rid of my anxiety!"
But all that means that I haven't had any anxiety attacks in the past six months. I feel like I'll never truly get rid of my anxiety. It's just learning how to deal with it.
And my way of dealing with it tonight is by just avoiding a situation altogether.
Miel: Kara-no-ke
(Back to original video) The thing that really helps me when I'm having a panic attack now is to just talk to someone while I'm having one.
Just for some reason talking about the way that I'm feeling helps me realize that I'm not actually going insane.
Thank you guys so much for watching
I hope something here helped someone in some shape or form.
If you wanna see me talk about more stuff click the box over here
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that's gonna be somewhere in this general direction. See you later bye guys
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