Hey guys and girls on Ask Japanese it's Cathycat ... this time we're gonna talk about
real life and versus the expectations that foreigners have of dating in Japan
so let's find out what they are
little disclaimer here of course not all Japanese people are the same so this is a
broad terrible generalization and no one should actually be watching this because it's probably
going to be more on the pinch of salt kind of sides don't take it too seriously
Number one and here is the absolute dream crusher
the thing that I want all of you to know is that Japanese girls are not anime girls
I know I know I know that's the hardest one that's the hardest one... Neede to say that first I'm sorry
Number two anime girls I'm not a real presentation of Japanese girls at least generally
and the reason this comes up twice is because some people seem to have these expectations I am sorry
some things are just fictional those perfect girls are perfect because.... they're you know .......... drawn
I'm sorry
Number three girls do generally not fall from the sky
nope and they don't fall from the sky and decide to be your maid
or your future fiance hasn't happened so far hasn't happened to me at least
now after all these crushing news you might be thinking that the schoolgirl
that is late for school that is running with a toast in her mouth is also not real
that one is actually real...... very rare though
"What is up my little kitten?"
Yes anime boys they also don't exist in real life but we kind of knew that
somehow deep inside...
Kabedon also doesn't happen in real life not even as a greeting not at all that situation when
the coolest boy of the class comes and you know slams the wall behind you and corners you and and
it looks kind of it it looks kind of special and cool and anime doesn't generally happen also if a
total stranger did that to you you'd probably feel kind of uncomfortable but it can happen
if you pay for it sometimes some underground idol boy groups will actually charge for a polaroid
in which they might give you a kabedon so that's your chance to get a kabedon
there's no other way apparently right now.... probably not right now at all actually
Awww damn.
You might have seen a plethora of those movies on youtube where they say oh Japanese people why
they are naturally so skinny no!! We can tell you we've interviewed people on the streets
Japanese girls are not naturally that skinny a lot of people have a lot of a lot of things and a
lot of issues with that one: lots of really harsh diets, not eating the things they want to
eat we interviewed people about pizza no Japanese girl had in that interview had eaten a whole pizza
by themselves all that kind of stuff leads into them being so skinny so it's a lot of hard work
so you're also going to meet some Japanese girls who are not skinny and that's totally okay so
stop thinking that everyone is naturally skinny here it's not fair it's not fair
In 2017 we went on the streets of tokyo and interviewed Japanese girls and boys about
being a housewife in Japan while the majority of young Japanese boys said they wanted to have
a housewife who only stays at home the majority of the Japanese girls
said they would actually like to continue working.... now you do the math
but that doesn't mean that there aren't some Japanese girls who really want to be housewives
however if you get yourself a girl that literally only wants to be a housewife you need to make
sure that you earn decent cash to afford that because she might not be taking any jobs on and
just wants to be at home so you have to earn more and that might be a bit tricky if you are on an
english teacher kind of salary which sometimes happens to not really go up over the years so
you have to make some serious cash to get that waifu to get that good wife
now you might be dreaming that you dream girl or dream boys walks up to you in town and starts
a conversation with you that's not a common thing Japanese people don't actually strike
up conversation with strangers near the stations or just out on the streets and about ... generally doesn't happen.
DAMN!
However when you are in shinjuku as a girl waiting at the station or similar things like that
and an attractive young fashionable looking guy comes up to you and starts a conversation ask you
"Uchi no mise ni konai?" = wanna come to my store or my my restaurant place bar whatever
that generally means that he's a host and you will have to buy him
drinks all night that's a thing here... yes girls buying guys drinks all night very expensive drinks
Just be careful with that...
Same thing can happen to guys!!!
Generally if you're a foreigner it might be hard to
actually have any guys come up to you Japanese boys can be quite shy
but it is about approaching foreign women so that might also not generally happen sorry and vice versa same thing.
A big thing in Japan right now are also the soushokudanji are boys who are
absolutely not interested in women they have absolutely no sexual interest in it girls at
all they just don't care they just don't want and we've done an interview about that one before but
there seem to be more of those so they're not interested in women that might even mean you
As a boy you might be expecting to do the little bill dance where you're like "I pay" and then she's
like "oh no I'll pay for you" and he's like "oh no I'll take that for you" that dance might not be
happening because generally on dates Japanese boys pay the bill so you might go "I pay" and you may
wait for her to go "oh no no I'll help" she might say nothing or she might do it but you shouldn't
have told her so generally you need to be smooth about it and just pay when she doesn't realize
it for someone she goes to the bathroom that's where you're supposed to kind of covertly like
a ninja go to the counter and pay the bill that's kind of the cool way of doing things
Since Japanese boys are expected to pay the bill there's also a thing called
"Tsutta sakana niwa esawo agenai!"
meaning the fish that you already caught you don't feed anymore meaning Japanese boys might take you
as a girl to really fancy restaurants at the start but once you start get going out you might just be
invited to the local beef bowl hut where like a beef bowl is like 300 yen or something like that
Yeeah
Now boys if you think you're going on a date with a Japanese girl and you just gotta turn
up and you're gonna just make it a fun day whatever is gonna happen you might be wrong
because many Japanese boys are actually expected to plan out the date you might be expected to do
the same thing meaning you need to know where you're going you need to know which restaurant
you're going to maybe even book the restaurant seat in advance and have the whole day kind of
planned out that's like the best way of surprising a girl and just showing her that you can take
charge you know how to you know look after her take charge and make the day awesome yeah that's
a bit of pressure but you can do it
Foreign boys message to you: men generally have to take
charge and do the first move foreign girls: do not do the first move because some Japanese boys might
feel like you're a little bit taken away from the step that they wanted to do and might come
across a little bit too offensive for some people apparently
If you thought you can
just go on a couple of dates and let it run from there you might be wrong a lot of Japanese people
expect a couple of dates in the boy to do a big grand move and make their relationship official
saying "I really like you would you like to go out with me" it's kind of a bit of a ritual some do it
some don't but generally it seems to be important that after a first couple of dates you actually
as a boy stand up say you're the one I chose and I'm not gonna go dating with other people anymore
that kind of stuff so make sure you state that properly so the girl doesn't feel anxious yeah
you actually need to say it out loud I know might be a bit embarrassing but come on you can do it
If you thought you could be going on dates for like 10 years and so you might be wrong because
generally Japanese girls will want to marry a lot earlier than you might be ready for so you should
definitely keep in mind that Japanese people a lot of Japanese people date with marriage in
mind and the marriage might come before your 30 so you know sometimes even as early as 24
so be ready for that
omiyai matchmaking and similar things like that are still a thing
in Japan so arranged marriages and matchmaking still a thing here
on some of those matchmaking
sites men generally look out for a girl's age looks and household skills
on matchmaking sites
women look at a man's income and whether he's a public servant or not for the secure work
surprise many Japanese people do not actually want to marry a foreigner yeah some people who don't
I f you marry a Japanese person you will have to show interest in their culture
that's a no-brainer that's that's an absolute no-brainer
however once you marry a Japanese person generally their family and your family and the kids
will become more important than your love for each other that's a lot that's a cultural thing
that might not apply to everyone but a lot of people actually put family before
lovey-dovey relationships and that's just how it is you just need to know that...
it is not uncommon in Japan
that once kids are born into the relationship those kids sleep in the same bed with the mother
until the beginning of elementary school and sometimes even the end of elementary school
maybe that is one of the reasons why Japanese people decide to rent love hotel rooms by the hour
though you know the couple doesn't get privacy at home they go somewhere else to have that privacy
while some people use the love hotel to spend some time with their spouse that they
kind of don't get in because they don't get the privacy in their own homes other people use
the love hotels to cheat on their spouse because they're so anonymous and all these kind of things
yeeeeah.... :/
you will probably never become an harm anime protagonist in Japan focus on one and you might
get lucky.... that's all I can say to that don't expect 10 people to flock around you and try to
date you
you might never get your anime waifu or your anime husband of those perfect people
to be your wife or husband in real life but your Japanese husband or Japanese wife are maybe just
gonna be your very perfect and super amazing husband and wife in the future in real life
and who is your perfect anime husband or waifu let us know in the comments down below
okay.... now we know international relationships and marriages are always going to be difficult because
you have different cultures and understanding that is part number one communication with each
other is super important as well and then um you know involving each other in each other's cultures
tell them something about your culture they will tell you something about their culture and
try to have an open mind and communicate and just generally be a you know good decent human being to
them treat them special and I hope things will go well for you so your real life versus expectations
I hope there weren't too many dreams crushed just be a decent human being listen out for things and
listen out for them and hopefully things will go well for you we've done actually a lot of videos
on dating Japanese people and similar things like that we've interviewed Japanese people we've given
you a couple of dating tips and stuff like that too so if you're interested in maybe in the future
finding a Japanese husbando or waifu here in Japan be sure to comment subscribe and check out the
videos we've already done and we'll do more about this topic in the future so thanks so much for hanging out
here on ask Japanese my name is Cathycat and if you want to hang out with us a bit more subscribe
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cool things check out our socials and I'll catch you soon for another video thank you bye bye
you