(bright music)
- Hi guys, I'm Stevie,
and today I've got the lovely Jessica with me.
- Hi. - And we're gonna be
answering some of your questions.
We have not collabed in years.
- No, you pointed this out,
since 2019. - Yeah.
Yeah, people keep asking for us to collab
because they find our friendship really interesting.
Which I don't understand.
We don't get it.
- People in real life also find our
friendship very- - Do they?
Tell me what they say about me.
(Jessica laughing)
- You enjoy an nocturnal lifestyle.
You, I mean,
at one point did dress exclusively like a wizard.
- I do love my wizard gear, capes.
- I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised
if you spent the midnight hours doing magic.
- So we thought that we might give very different answers
to certain advice questions.
So we thought we would make some videos
answering your guys' requests.
I feel like I'm pretty spicy
and you're pretty sweet.
- [Josie] "How I ask somebody out
"if I'm scared of rejection?"
- Oh, I think we're all a little scared of rejection.
- There was a fluffy thing flying
into the screen. - Sure, it was wizard stuff.
- How do you ask someone out if you're scared of rejection?
I think that the first thing you should do
is address your fear of rejection in therapy.
Or you can do some DIY therapy,
Googling it, figuring out why it's there,
tracking the root cause of your fear of rejection.
And then get over it and just do it.
- Yeah, I was gonna say it could take a while.
You might actually want to date
whilst still working through your inner issues.
- Like, just think of the the worst things
that could happen.
And then be like, "Oh, I could survive these things."
"Vulnerability is the secret to happiness," Brene Brown.
- Oh.
- I think that when people ask me
about fear of rejection questions,
I usually really struggle to answer them.
I think because I really lack a fear of rejection.
- Oh really? - Yeah.
And I've tried to figure out why that is
and I think it's because my grandmother
had me sell stuff as a kid.
Like as a very little kid,
I would go door-to-door and try to sell things all the time.
And so I just kept getting told no all the time.
And I just thought reduction was like a normal thing.
I really just focused on the times people said yes instead.
Obviously, I still, like, want to be liked
and all of that stuff.
But also, like, I think
my desires don't trump anyone else's.
So if someone is not interested in me
or in something that I want to do, or whatever,
why would that be bad?
If I did struggle with that,
I feel like I would try to say,
"Oh, I'm, like, thankful they're being honest
"about something that they don't want right now."
- Maybe it's a hot tip
to have someone go around selling stuff.
- Yeah, just get,
go out and get rejected a bunch of times
and then you won't have a fear of rejection anymore.
- Maybe go out and try practicing
by going up to other people and asking them out.
- Yeah, go up to a bunch of people
you don't wanna go on a date with and-
- I mean, maybe don't go up to people
you really don't like.
Because they might say yes.
- [Josie] "My mother is homophobic.
"How can I support my brother who just came out to me?"
- Well, firstly, congratulations to your brother.
That's delightful that he came out to you
and how wonderful that you are,
that you are a wonderful safe space for him.
- Yeah, I think the biggest thing you should do
is ask him exactly how he wants you
to support him through this,
instead of, like, trying to figure out ways
that you can support him according to you.
Because he could have a very different idea
of what he wants you to do
versus what he doesn't want you to do.
I'm not sure if you are out
to your homophobic mom or not,
but if you are, then you might have some experiences
that you can share with him.
But at the end of the day,
I think you should block and delete her.
(Jessica laughing)
She does laugh at my jokes.
- Do we know that this person is out there?
- [Josie] We don't know if this person's queer.
- Oh, right.
- Not everyone- - I've assumed
everyone's queer.
I'm so sorry.
If you're not queer,
you should be the one training your mom
on how to not be homophobic.
Be an ally.
Get her a book. - After blocking and deleting,
or before? - Before, yeah before.
- Maybe try some gentle education of your mother
before the blocking and deleting.
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- I feel like I was intentionally misled.
- You were.
- Hm, well.
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Are you upset about being misled?
- Deeply upset,
although now thinking of creating a Squarespace website.
- Are you? - So pros and cons.
- [Josie] "How do you know-"
(Jessica coughing)
- Sorry, we haven't mentioned, I'm dying in this video.
- [Josie] "How do you know
"if somebody on a dating app
"doesn't want to talk to you or is just busy?"
- Um, let it be?
- Yeah, my answer is, who cares?
- All right, that's a bit harsh.
- I know it is a little harsh,
but also like- - Clearly this person cares,
'cause they're asking. - Listen,
you do not need to care, honey.
You can just move on.
Not respond to anybody.
Don't even think about it.
You should only be talking to someone on an app
who is enthusiastic to talk to you
and is giving you time.
It doesn't matter if they're not interested in you
or if they're just busy,
block and delete.
- It can be very difficult
when you're in the thick of dating to believe it,
but there is someone out there who is, as Stevie says,
deeply enthusiastic about you as a human being,
and who you do not need to chase.
Your name will pop up on their phone
and they'll be like, (gasps) "Oh my God,"
and immediately respond.
That person is out there.
- To me it doesn't matter if they aren't interested
or if they are just busy,
because both of them have the same result.
Except one of them is
an excuse for you to be mean to yourself
if that's true.
What you would do with that information
for both of those things,
would be the same.
- I'm personally never too busy to text my wife back.
- Oh, Josie's too busy to text me back.
(Jessica and Josie laughing)
Though if I don't text you back,
you're like, "What's wrong?
"I think something's
really wrong." - [Josie] Yeah,
because you are always
on your phone. - I always text you back.
- [Josie] "Should I get an autism and ADHD assessment
"behind my parents' back?"
- Yes. - Absolutely.
You know your brain better than anyone else.
- I have so many questions for you.
Why does it have to be behind their back?
What is their reasoning for not getting one?
That's absolutely ridiculous.
- Oh, lots of parents.
- Block and delete them. (laughs)
- Often, I think it's because the parent
has bought into the rhetoric
that autism and ADHD is in some way caused
by a parenting failure.
But yeah, it doesn't mean it's true.
- Do it behind their back.
What really sucks is,
is that this is an opportunity
for your parents to be excited
about learning something about your neurotype,
like the type of brain that you have
and the type of person you are.
It's not like you're going to get an assessment
for some terminal illness
or something that can be quite scary
or maybe sad for some people.
So I hope that you have people in your life
that are excited with you to go on that journey
and definitely do it behind their back.
- And if they're not excited for you,
we are excited for you.
- Yeah, your lesbian aunts, aunts, aunts.
- Aunt.
- [Both] Aunts.
- [Josie] "How to deal with burnout
"when capitalism won't allow you to rest."
- I have no idea how to answer that question.
- The existential dread.
- Join a cult.
(Jessica laughing)
Move to a commune.
You know, that is something that I admire about cults,
the whole socialism aspect,
you know? - I could really see
you starting a cult.
- I don't know about a cult- It'd be something
you would do. - but definitely a commune.
I would love to have a commune.
- Mm, it would get culty.
I could see it.
- No, like actually, what's our advice?
How do you become a landlord?
Because that's a fake job.
Check yourself into rehab.
Lie and say that you're addicted to drugs.
- What, how, what?
- I'm just trying to think
of things like ways you can rest.
Oh, oh, oh.
Find a couple that wants to be a throuple
and join that,
and then rest for a year.
- Surrogacy?
- Oh, be a surrogate.
(both laughing)
- No, none of our answers.
Absolutely none of them.
- If you're a surrogate in the UK
you can't get paid to do that.
But in America.
- Move to America?
Don't move to America.
- Yes, move to America to avoid capitalism.
- Get a hobby.
And no matter how much-
- Open an OnlyFans.
- Start OnlyFans. - I cannot.
- Oh, post some pictures to wikiFeet.
- Would you absolutely stop.
Knitting, take up knitting. (Stevie laughing)
But only knit for your friends,
never commercially knit.
- Well then how do you survive a year with no income
if you don't charge money for anything?
- Well, you have a job as well.
- I'm just saying nice- - All right, well,
how do you recover from burnout
if you have a job? - Nice things
you can do on the side.
- Why you wanna add
more things to your plate- - Make yourself feel
a bit better. - if you're a burnout?
- No, the idea is
you're just sat down, having a little knit.
- I think the cult
is the best answer so far. - Make yourself
feel a bit better.
I mean, I think the throuple idea wasn't bad.
- Yeah, do you have a spare room?
- No. (Stevie laughing)
I don't.
- My plan is to make this video series
to bring Jessica to the dark side.
She's agreed with me about throuples and cults.
- That was accidental.
- Well, I think that was amazing.
I have really enjoyed this.
We have to make more of these.
But I don't know,
we'll see if they like them enough.
If you like this video enough, we'll make more.
- We will,
including the one that's on my channel.
- Anyway, there's a bunch of links in the description
to go and check out Jessica and her lovely wife.
They make videos.
They're great.
But the video will be in the description
as soon as it is uploaded.
Thank you so much to Squarespace
for sponsoring this video and my Box.
And if you would like to join my Patreon family
there's also a link into the description.
And we do lots of fun things
like chat on Discord, and Instagram shout-outs, and stuff.
Anyway, (exhales) what should we do?
Should we go have dinner?
- Aunt.
Have you tried day nurse?
- Like the thing we give to children?
- Yeah.
You give it to children?
I don't think so.
- Day nurse,
and night nurse, yes. - You give that to children?
- Don't we?
- It has opiates and a stimulant in it.
- Oh, maybe I'm wrong.
Although opiates as a child is a very me thing.
- [Stevie] The dogs are out.
- [Josie] The dogs are out?