these are actual letters by the way from actual viewers and we're going to read them for you
here tonight letter number one begins dear dave is that the voice of your announcer alan calter
on the odor eaters commercial uh kevin c clay tuscaloosa plus galoosa alabama i uh i don't
know alan calder does some freelance work does a lot of voice over work it might be uh alan is
that you on the order eater's a commercial yes it is uh-huh well uh say uh odor eaters for us
older eaters there you go that's him he's pretty good
he can take any kind of any kind of phrase and make it seem very kind of colorful kind of
compelling kind of exciting let's try another one uh like fish sticks so say fish sticks let's hear
how this ends fish stick there you go pretty good isn't it it's a lot harder paul do you want to
paul do you want to try one take a shot out of it absolutely absolutely how about this one
uh give me your wallet and nobody gets hurt
give me your wallet and nobody gets hurt that's him that's him officer that is the man all right
you've gone away for a long long time incarceration soulmate help me mommy help
a lot of guys i don't think would do very well in prison and alan is one of them i just don't see
him doing well in prison some some guys would ah some guys get along just fine ellen and i
he does not have a rosy future behind bars okay
uh letter number two dear dave what do you and biff do after you finish the show just
curious uh ty wendell alpine uh utah uh what do biff and i do after uh we finish the show
uh is that right or is that a mistake what do biff and i do after the show should it be me and
paul or is it biff i wasn't here for rehearsal i couldn't make it in early today is it paul or is
it biff or is it all three of us it's all three of us okay all right it's me and biff yeah um
what do you and biff do after you finish the show just curious ty wendell alpine utah why but it's
beautiful there in alpine utah well uh tonight uh biff and i are gonna go see that new warren beatty
movie uh bullworth oh i see here's where paul gets involved paul yeah you want to come along that's
okay i don't plan to see it how come have you seen the trailers for yeah it looks horrible what right
why would warren be first of all no no just hear me out
hear me out why would he think that he could be possibly relevant in today's culture
what does he have to say about you know he's a president who raps or something i'm telling you
i'm sorry i think warren beatty's bullworth is a piece of crap paul i'm sorry i know
yeah come in
hi paul hi good come on in yeah i saw the show last night
yeah oh yeah yeah the thing i said about the movie no no no it was good
i know you listen you know you know it's just he's playing the piano i was you know you know i don't
just write did you know i play the piano i did not know that yeah well yeah i'm trying to share sure
hey listen check out the movie phone yes no of course i i was meaning
dear dave have you ever been attacked by a guest uh brent from pulaski tennessee
have i ever been no i've never been attacked by i guess you know you're thinking that jerry springer
showing by the way you know yesterday just to kill some time on watching the jerry springer show
and boy oh boy i saw something very very strange take a look yesterday on the jerry springer show
thank you how nice you are hey welcome back today's topic is does david letterman look
more like a duck or a squirrel benji here says squirrel jerry he looks exactly like a squirrel
all right he's got that that big gap-toothed grin that varminty looking thing on top of his
head it's a squirrel he looks like a duck man and if you don't think so right here
i thought that was a little extreme didn't you pull it out well that's the show that's the nature
of the show especially for the big holiday weekend well i know okay finally letter number four letter
number four dear dave would you please say my name on the show ron kavanagh butte montana ron
cavanaugh butte montana ron i'm glad we have your letter here tonight because it's the big holiday
weekend and because i'm really really in a very good mood tonight we are going to do something
even better than simply mention your name on the program ready when you are boson take it away
men and women from your united states navy let's close up the old cbs mailbag