Welcome back gentlemen. Coach Mossab here with another video for you and today I'm going to
talk about what does it mean to have a growth mindset and by the end of this video, you're
going to walk away with the tools that you need to arm yourself in order to fulfill your dating goals
or just your goals in general without letting your mindset stop you. You ready. Let's get it.
So as always, we're gonna cover a lot of ground in this video. We're gonna talk about three
major points or categories in this video. The first one, I'm going to define for you what
exactly a growth mindset is and instead I'm going to give you examples of what a growth
mindset looks like and third, I'm going to give you some ways of developing that growth mindset for
yourself in your life day to day. All right let's do it. All right so let's start off by defining
exactly what a growth mindset is so we have some you know definitions, mutual understanding going
forward. About 30 years ago, a psychologist, Dr. Carol Dweck, was trying to study kids to see how
they rebounded after failure. So they had you know they studied a bunch of kids over a thousand kids
in classrooms and saw you know what caused some kids when they failed to bounce back, to try again,
to not give up versus other kids when they failed at something, they would just completely give up
they would abandon it and they just they would never persevere. So, they divided kids into camps
and they saw that there was two distinct mindsets between the two different kids. So when it came
to failure there was a certain type of kid where they didn't think that the failure
meant something about them as a person, they thought it was just how they're learning
and so they tried again because they didn't take it too personally whereas the other type of kid
thought that the failure you know meant something about who they are as a person, what
their capabilities were and so they were afraid of that failure and they just wouldn't
try again. And so the difference between the growth mindset and the fixed mindset is that
the fixed mindset thinks that I have all the intelligence I'm ever going to need,
I know everything, my knowledge is a part of me whereas the growth mindset thinks
no, I can learn more. There's always more to learn, there's challenges that I'm going to face
and I can overcome them by actually trying. So for example if a child is always praised
for being so smart, if you tell your child you're so smart and then if they fail at something,
that takes a blow to their ego and they're gonna think I'm not smart so they're gonna avoid
that thing whereas if you praise a child for you know putting in a lot of effort then they're
going to continue to put a lot of effort even when they fail at something. They're going to think okay,
I just have to put in more effort to overcome this thing. So this is why you know it's common
advice at this point but that's why you tell kids that they are putting in good effort rather than
telling them they're so smart. Telling them they're so smart actually handicaps them
when it comes to future failures because they think oh, I should be smart. Why don't I get this?
Oh, I'm just not going to try it again and so it really limits the opportunities that they have
and this extends into adults as well, it's not just children. So for dating for example which
is my field, there are guys that for example if they approach a woman for the first time that
maybe they haven't done that, they're super anxious and the woman obviously rejects them because
they're nervous they don't know what to say and so they're going to take that as oh, I'm a failure of
a man, I'm never gonna be able to do this and then they just go home and they completely
quit right and it's very unfortunate because they're the type of person that's gonna
end up alone, resentful and bitter when they didn't need that to happen. They could have simply
approached again if they had the mindset that this is something I'm learning you know there's
a skill set, it actually takes some skill to go up and talk to somebody you don't know and get
them to like you and so you have to keep working at it but they didn't have that idea or that
philosophy and so they completely went home whereas the guy who does think that way
will continue to improve even though he's not good at first and over time he'll get better until he
can go in and just hook a conversation, the woman wants him to stay and he can carry it
forward from there. So again the main difference is that you in the growth mindset, you think you can
learn new things, you can adapt, you can overcome challenges whereas the fixed mindset you think
no, I can't learn new things. If I fail at something, that's that's it for me and it's a blow to the ego.
The other thing that Dr. Dweck found out is that you can actually change somebody from having a
fixed mindset to having a growth mindset and that's what I'm talking about further along in
this video. So I just gave you an example of what a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset looks
like in the dating sphere, dating application and I'm going to give you a few more examples here
in just a second but first I want to encourage you to hit the like and subscribe button if you
enjoy this video and content like this because if you do, you're going to follow along you get a lot
of great dating advice to come. All right I'm going to give you a few examples of growth versus fixed
mindset by asking you a few questions. So the first one being do you embrace new challenges? Are
you afraid of embarrassing yourself at something that you don't know. So if you're
the kind of person that you know if there's something new, a new challenge, something that
you've never tried before and you kind of shy away from it, if you think I'm going to embarrass myself,
I don't really know what to do here then you're not going to take that chance and you're not going
to improve at that new skill or that new challenge. The person with a growth mindset
thinks oh there's a challenge, I haven't done this before, this is exciting, they reframe
that to excitement rather than nervousness, rather than embarrassment and so they actually take the
plunge and actually apply themselves and try that new challenge. So are you the type of person that
shies away or you're the type of person that goes headlong into a challenge, tries new things even
though you know you're not going to be good at it? And so something to remember here is that this is
something that Dr. Jordan Peterson says all the time is that the fool precedes the master.
You have to be willing to make yourself a fool because the first time you try anything
in life, it's going to be embarrassing, you're not going to be good at it, you're gonna
like stumble around but you need to do that to eventually become really good at it, to master
that craft, to master that challenge, to master that skill, whatever it is but it starts out by
being humble, being willing to actually accept that you might not know this thing, you might fail at it
and then go from there. So again back to the dating application, do you think you know I'm just not
good with women or do you think I haven't quite figured out the women thing but I'm going to
if I keep trying. Those are very distinct mindsets and they're a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you think I'm just not good with women, you're not even going to try and therefore you're
never going to be good with women. But if you think oh I just don't have it figured out, I need
some help but if I keep trying, I'm going to figure it out then you're going to keep trying you're
going to keep improving little by little until you can eventually you know go up to somebody,
start a conversation, get them to like you, go on a date and develop a relationship and that's
the ultimate goal which is to get better at this skill of you know social skills, that's why
they're called social skills and communication and all that to the point where you can actually
date properly. But if you think I'm never going to be able to do that or you're afraid of that
challenge then you're not going to get to that point of actually having successful relationships.
So that's why growth mindset is very important and you can see how it is in dating but also it's just
more broadly applicable to any new challenge, area of life that you're going to go into. The
second example, the second way you can identify a growth mindset is to ask yourself if you're always
learning new things . Are you always picking up new habits, new skills, are you always learning
or are you sort of content with what you already know? Do you think that if you learn something new
it's going to be embarrassing about you because you should have already known it? Do you think
that where you are in life is a product of how smart you are or how much effort you put in?
Do you value smarts or hard work? If you value smarts then the first second that you run up
into something that you aren't capable of solving immediately, you're gonna immediately give up,
that's what a fixed mindset is versus if you value the hard work that you put in and other people put
in then you're gonna keep trying at something that you don't know until you get it right, that's
very, very important. And then the third way to identify a growth or fixed mindset is to ask
yourself whether you take feedback or if you view it as criticism. So there's two different
ways to look at that. If I tell you the exact same thing hey you know I think this
could be improved, do you think especially when it comes to a skill or a challenge or something like
that, do you view it as oh, I can learn from this, I can actually improve from this or do you see it
as an affront to your ego, who you are as a person and think oh this person, they're just criticizing
me, they're so negative because there's two different ways that you can view that and based on
which one you view you can actually improve if you think of it as feedback, you can actually say oh I
could learn from that, I could actually improve that but if you have that fixed mindset, you
don't think there's any improving, you don't think there's any growing beyond what you already have
internally. So if you think it's just criticism, it's just criticizing who you are,
you can never fix that then, again it's going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy where you're not going
to actually improve. So ask yourself how you view feedback is very critical that any time you get
feedback, you think of it as a learning opportunity any failure as a learning opportunity as well.
There's a phrase that says you know there's no losing, there's no failure, there's only learning.
So every time you fail, every time you don't succeed at something, it's just a learning
opportunity for you to try again until you get to that winning state or that success state.
So now that we know what a growth versus fixed mindset is and how to identify it using those
questions and thought experiments, now let's talk about how you can actually develop a growth
mindset if you have a fixed mindset and the first way is to simply reframe things, to simply
reframe the challenges that you think are challenges that you think are insurmountable
to opportunities. The more you think oh, I can learn this thing, I can pick up a new skill, I can
pick up a new habit, this is exciting, you want to reframe your anxiety as well to excitement
because anxiety and excitement. Physiologically they're the exact same thing. You might get
a little bit sweaty, your heart might start racing but those are the same things.
Excitement and anxiety are the same thing. So if you view it as exciting as anxiety, you have
that habit of viewing it that way, you can simply transfer that and reframe it as excitement, you'll
be more willing to jump into that new opportunity rather than viewing it as a challenge.
Consciously, thinking about those new challenges as opportunities, you'll fix up fixed mindset and
turn it into a growth mindset. Now the second way is to actually work on your mind to work on your
mental well-being, your mental health and you can do that, the the big things I tell guys and
people in general is to one, cut out the news, try to limit social media. There's a lot of negativity
in the news and social media that are just gonna basically affect your mind and bring you down in
terms of how you think about yourself, how you think about the world, it's gonna cause cynicism,
it's gonna cause a lot of just negative emotion that you don't really need to be there.
It's one thing to be informed about things that are going on, it's another thing to feed
off the negativity that's in social media and the news that's constantly going on. So try to limit
and eliminate negativity from your life and it also goes with negative people in your
life. If there's somebody that's constantly negative, if somebody that's you know always
complaining, always bringing you down especially, that's something that you don't want to have
around, that's going to affect the way you view yourself, that's going to affect your success in
life, that's going to affect the things that you even attempt to try and it's going to again go
along with having that fixed mindset. There's you know the crab in a bucket mentality or
that phrase which is that you know people that aren't willing to help themselves are willing to
progress, are going to keep other people down with them as well. So if you're the kind of person that
likes self-improving, that likes progressing in life but you find yourself surrounded by people
that don't like to do that, you really want to move remove yourself from that situation
for your own good, that's the only way you're going to be able to progress because
you're the average of the five people you surround yourself by. If you're surrounded by people
that aren't trying, that don't want to improve, that also have a fixed mindset, guess what you're
going to have as well? You're going to be in that very same camp so you want to remove yourself
from that situation. Ideally surround yourself by people that do have a growth mindset so you
can see what they're doing, see how they think about things and also improve without having
that negative environment around you. And now the third way to develop a growth mindset is to
build and develop what's known as the inner locus of control. So inner locus of control means that
you think you're the master of your own destiny, external locus of control means that you think
things just happen to you you know things are up to fate you know everything is- things
just happen in your life and you can't really do anything about them. So having an internal locus
control you know really gives you the power to decide what you want to do and when you have that,
it allows you to really be in control of your emotions, you don't just think that you know
you're a leaf in the wind and you really are a rock that's making things happen. So with that and
there's a bunch of ways that you can do that and I'm going to create more videos on inner locus of
control specifically but when you have that, then you want to start things with a beginner's mind,
what's known as a beginner's mind. You can't assume that you're gonna have things figured out
from the very beginning. So if you try a new skill for example trying to talk to strangers, just
trying to talk to women or any other skill that you're trying to develop, you can't assume that
you're gonna pick up a guitar for example and just start playing it fantastically. You're gonna
start as a beginner, you're gonna start stumbling around, you're gonna be pretty bad at it until you
actually put in the effort but you have to have that mindset initially to even want to put in
the effort. So think about a beginner's mind, repeat to yourself that you're not going
to have it mastered and things are just a learning opportunity. Things are just exciting for now,
you're learning new things and you get better with time. So that's all for this video, I talked a lot
about you know dating and attraction and if you'd like to learn how to attract women, go ahead and
check out this related video on how to get women attracted to you. All right I'll see you there.