- Yeah wildflowers are crazy, man.
Anyway, guys it's like 10:30,
me and Leslie are gonna go watch a movie
before we go to bed.
- Oh, well, uh, if we could sync up at the same time
we could all maybe watch it together
like Zoom movie party, whoo!
- It's a foreign movie, you wouldn't like it.
I gotta go though.
- I love other lands-- No, aw.
- Sorry guys I'm out too,
I'm gonna go have sex with Steve.
- I could, uh, actually maybe coach
one or both of you if you wanna stay on Zoom.
I could teach Steve some techniques,
I call it the Rickety Tower, you'll like it.
- We did that once,
it's never happening again, dude.
- Yeah, Brit and I are just gonna snuggle tonight,
so I'm gonna head out.
- Snuggle buddies, it's like three bugs in a rug
when we're all together under the blankets
just cuddling up, that'll be great.
- No, just two peas in a pod.
- Just three peas in that three pod pea.
- Two peas, yeah.
Bye.
- Well that's cool 'cause I'm actually
super busy too, I'm gonna stay on this Zoom call,
and I'm gonna drink alone, so I have to,
I gotta do it.
- Right.
(whimpers)
- Woo party!
(sobs)
- [Narrator] Every single person ever.
- Okay, let's see what's out there on these dating apps.
Penis!
Oh, penis.
Penis, penis.
It's all penises.
- [Narrator] Ah, being single.
Or as I like to call it, free.
- Let me call one of my old honeys real fast.
Hey baby girl, I miss you.
- Cory, you don't miss me.
You know you're just sad and it's 2 a.m.
- No, I'm serious.
Like you're the only girl I love.
The only girl that I care about this much,
you're the only girl that I'm seeing, I promise,
I ain't seeing nobody else, I'm not even lying.
- Well, what's my middle name, Cory?
- See that's a trick question 'cause you don't have one.
- It's Dawn.
(bleep)
- All right, I'm gonna call one of my other babies.
- Hey Cory.
- Hey baby girl, I miss you.
- Yeah?
So, what's my middle name?
(bleep)
- What's up with these girls and their middle names?
- Okay, bye!
- Man.
- [Narrator] Single rider line for life.
(farts)
(sniffs)
- Ooh.
- [Narrator] I'm saving myself for the apocalypse.
- You know what the best part about being single is?
- What?
- I don't have to check in with anybody.
I can do whatever I want, I can go wherever I want,
I can literally start partying right now
if I want to, it's awesome.
- Hell, yes.
That is what I like to hear.
Okay, so what are you gonna do tonight?
(music stops)
- I dunno probably nothing.
- Oh.
- I might touch the stove again.
- Don't touch the stove.
- Don't tell me what to do, I'm single.
(snickers)
(cries)
- I can smell your burning flesh through the screen.
- [Narrator] Oh yeah, sex, I don't,
I don't know what that is.
- Ey, Brandon.
- Dylan, what's good?
- Not much my man, just wanting to check in
as I do daily to see if you'll be cool
with me asking your sister out!
- Oh, still a hard no from me, brother.
- Hey, awesome.
I'm gonna talk to you later, my dude.
- Aw, thanks duder!
- [Narrator] I'm just having an Eat, Pray, Love moment.
- Okay, so Brian may have dumped me,
but I am not gonna wallow in sadness,
oh no, no, I am gonna get a revenge bod.
(birds chirping)
(groans)
That does seem like a lot of work.
You know what I'm just gonna get
a larger shirt so I just look skinnier.
Keep the same size pants though
'cause my butt is perf.
- [Narrator] I sure do love hearing my friends
talk about their relationships.
- Heyo, so I just heard that your mom
is officially divorced.
- Aw, no way bro-ham.
- Had to check, TTYL dude.
I'm gonna go jump the lagoon in my jet skis.
- Aw, sick man, don't die.
- Hey, no promises, but if I do,
I'm gonna haunt your hot mom.
- Aw, don't do that man.
- [Narrator] I donate to this girl's OnlyFans
so, yeah, we're practically dating.
- Being single is the best.
Oh hey, I didn't see you there.
(chuckles)
Hold on.
A kiss?
(scoffs)
I don't know.
(smooches)
I haven't done this since I was twelve.
Woo!
My god.
This is a down pillow, this pillow was down.
(laughs)
- [Narrator] Who's gonna plan my funeral?
- You're gonna do it one day, dude.
- No.
- Yep.
- No, man.
- There's gonna be one day where you slip up
and you're not there,
and then I send her a note.
And in that note, my phone number.
- Well I look forward to the challenge, brother.
- You got it, my guy.
Weapon of choice on three.
- One, two, three. - One, two, three.
- Trident.
- What?
- [Narrator] Who needs a girlfriend
when you have Nintendo?
- Hey.
- So last night our texts got a little flirty.
- Yeah, 'cause you sent me a picture of your booty.
- Yeah I did that, what?
- Okay, I got a quick question.
Is it kind of like weird for us, me and you?
- Eh-- I don't think so, I mean,
we're friends, we're single,
we're not hurting anybody.
- Yeah, and if you can't flirt with your friends
what're they even there for, you know?
- Exactly!
- Exactly, so, do you wanna flirt some more?
- Oh, I dunno.
- Uh, that was a totally bad idea, I was just joking.
- Yeah, it was probably like a one-time thing.
- Yeah it's never gonna happen again
like it doesn't need to for me at least,
like I'm chilling.
- Yeah, we wouldn't wanna like jeopardize the friendship.
- Literally that would be the last thing we need to do.
Like I like you enough to flirt with you,
but I don't like you enough to actually date you.
Doesn't make sense for me.
- Exactly.
Love you. - I'm gonna sign off now.
Sorry, what was that?
- Nothing, uh, I gotta go, talk to you later.
- Wait, I'm in love with you.
- [Narrator] You should've put a ring on it.
(phone dialing)
- Uh, hey man, do you- do you have a minute?
- Yeah what's up?
- Uh, Kelly and I just got into a huge fight,
and we broke up.
- Oh hell yeah, my man is back,
I got my wingman back.
Okay, so this is the plan, I'm gonna come over,
I'm gonna take you out,
and then we're gonna find some honeys, and--
- Whoa, hold on, Cody.
Kelly is taking off her clothes,
I think it's time for makeup sex.
- But-- But I thought we were gonna.
What about the honeys?
- [Man In Green Shirt] Aw, baby,
you baked cookies too?
I love you so much.
- I like cookies.
- [Narrator] I'm just single because I'm picky
and a sex offender!
- Okay, so we've all thought about it,
and we decided that we're gonna set you up with Amanda.
- Oh my gosh, you guys, no.
- Okay, well, how about Beth?
Oh, she's cute though.
- I appreciate it, but I got dumped a week ago.
Why're you guys pushing so hard on this so early?
- Oh, I just don't wanna hear about your feelings anymore,
and I want them to be someone else's problem.
- I want you to be as miserable as I am.
I've had the same hangnail for about 15 years.
- And I'm just a little pervert that wants to hear
all the details of your new steamy relationship.
Like I don't need all the details
just enough to form enough of a mental picture
for my spank bank.
- Us too.
- Yeah, me too, I want that.
- [Narrator] You'll find someone, just stop looking.
- Dude, I am so lonely right now.
- Oh no, I thought you were talking to someone
you were really excited about, what happened?
- Who, Tiffany?
- No, I don't think that was name.
- Oh, Rita.
- No.
- Monica?
(hums)
Jessie?
- No.
- Mabel?
- No, I think her name started with a B?
- Oh, okay, you're talking about Bianca.
- No.
- Bella?
- No.
- Beth. - No.
- Becky?
- Nope.
- Brittney. - Nope.
- Brittany.
(hums)
- Britney with like a E, Y with one T.
- No.
- Brittnai with an A, I, and two Ts?
- No.
- Oh, Br-- br-- (babbles)
Bree!
- No, but also like how many women
are you talking to, like damn?
- Real talk, it's a lot.
- Well, good for you, but what were we even talking about?
- Oh, we were talking about how I was really lonely.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- I get that.
- [Narrator] You guys remember the forever alone meme?
That meme was sick.
- Alrighty, time to post a thirst trap on the old Gram.
(camera shutters)
- Hair to the left, leg to the right.
(camera shutters)
- Hey.
Don't judge me, can't lick my own crotch like you.
Oh, and she's-- You're just rub--
Oh, wow, wow.
Can't win with you.
- [Narrator] I sleep like a starfish.
- Thank you guys so much for inviting me
to this happy hour, my date should be on in a second.
- Oh, you invited a date?
- Yeah, I didn't wanna be the third wheel
to you guys again.
- Oh, Mary, we can tone down our flirting for you,
we didn't know it affected you like that.
- Hello darling, I am so excite to meet all you friends.
Guys, this is Vlad,
Vlad, these are all my friends.
- How old is this guy?
- I am hot 22-year-old skater boy, duh.
- It's so nice to meet you, Vlad, um,
I like your cigarette stains.
- Oh, this must be that toothy, judge-y one
you were always talking (bleep) about, yeah?
- Babe.
- (chuckles) Oh, your accent is very rude.
- I don't have accent, I am a talking American boy teen.
I, um, hamburger, Mcdonalds,
country music, Garth Brooks, man.
I do have hemorrhoids though,
you want to talk about hemorrhoids?
- Yes.
(beep)
- [Man Offscreen] Let's bone in the pile of cookies
and not even eat any of them.
- I wanna bone in a pile of cookies.
- [Man Offscreen] Oh, baby, I didn't know
cookies could do that.
They're certainly not edible now.
- Oh I gotta go get my lotion.
- Oh baby the lotion?
(laughs)
- That was a little too far.
(beep)
- So, um, how did you two meet?
- It's so crazy, I was walking at night in a park.
- I was watching her.
- And he just called out to me,
like "Hey girl come over here,"
and I was like, "Who me?"
(laughs)
- Did you not fear for your life?
- No, I got in his car.
- I am very charming man, I charm.
I pull out knife, and I'm like,
"Hey girl, get into car."
- You know what, if you're happy,
we're happy for you, uh, yeah.
- Good, 'cause I am happy--
- Happiness is fleeting, only purpose of life
is to make child.
(beep)
- Stop it, you're so bad.
Such a bad boy (chuckles).
It is hot in here.
(beep)
- Whoa, look at that, you made it to the end of the video,
I am proud of you.
If you wanna watch another video,
(blows air) we got another one right there.
I apologize for that terrible sound effect.
If you wanna get some comfy merch for yourself
(blows air) right down there.
And subscribe (blows air) down there.
I swear I'll never make those sound effects
ever again, love you, bye!