Okay, if you've come to this video, it's because you've been attracting the same type of guy
over and over again and you're sick of it, or you just really like me and my content, in which case, thank you!
In any case, I want to talk to you about why you've been experiencing the same man over and over again,
and what you can do about it, how you can change that pattern.
Before we get started though, I want to discuss with you a little truth that I think if you're honest with me,
you already know. All men aren't the same and you know this because you know all women aren't the same.
There's women who aren't like you. There's women who don't share your values.
There's women who don't communicate. There's women who don't treat people well.
There's women very different to you. Now, I get what you're probably thinking or saying to me
through your screen right now. You're saying, "Mark I get that there's good guys out there on a logical level,
I know they exist, but I don't know where the hell they are.They must all be off in France
or they must live in a different city because they certainly ain't showing up in my life." And I believe you, so the
question I have to ask you now as your coach would be. "Well, how are you creating this?" And I know you hate
me for saying it but responsibility gives you power because if the common denominator is,
"Okay there are good men out there but we're not many managing to attract them yet,"
then we have to ask ourselves, well, how is it that we're continually attracting the wrong person? If that's
happening to you, then you've got to own it. Let's call a spade a spade. The common denominator is you,
but that's a good thing. It gives you the power to change it. So I want to ask you as your coach,
how are you responsible? How could you be responsible for creating this problem? And the next thing you're
probably saying is, "Well, Mark, how can I be responsible when I can't control someone else's treatment of me?"
You're always saying that you can't control someone else,
you can't control the way someone treats you, right?
You can't control someone else's actions. So how can I possibly be responsible for
creating this problem? and you'd be right in saying that you can't control someone else's actions.
You definitely can't, but what you can do is filter your own life. What you can do is make decisions
about what you expose yourself to. And so the reality is, if you've been exposing yourself again and
again finding yourself exposed to the wrong person, then there must be decisions you're making somewhere
along the line that are leading to that. You can't get the same result over and over again and expose yourself
to the same thing if some sort of decision isn't being made there. So as your coach, I'd
encourage you really think about what those decisions could be and how you could be creating that pattern.
Next, I want to give you a few little exercises to help you out and help you break this pattern in your own life.
Number one, identify your limiting beliefs.
So finish the sentence, "Men are..." "Men are _____."
Men are loyal. Men are masculine. Men are assholes. Men are cheaters. Beliefs aren't
good or bad contrary to popular belief. They're just boxes that our mind uses to organize the world.
There's so much stimuli in the world that if we didn't just believe trees are green, the world would get very
confusing. But beliefs can be helpful or unhelpful and this is what's important. Believing men are loyal
or men are cheaters is not good or bad. It's not even right or wrong. It's just helpful or unhelpful relative
to your goals, and if your goals are to find a loyal monogamous relationship, then believing
men are cheaters is not helpful to that goal.
So step two is find your unhelpful beliefs and then find counter-examples.
So if you believe men are cheaters, then go out and find 20, 50, a hundred men who are completely loyal in their
relationships. What this does is it breaks down those unhelpful beliefs and like big foundations,
it starts to chip away at them. Finding one loyal man when you believe men are cheaters might just take
out a little chink. But finding 10 starts to put cracks finding a hundred will lead to collapse.
You can't keep believing men are cheaters if you find 100 men who aren't. It calls you on your own belief.
The third point when you're challenging beliefs is this, watch for the backfire effect in yourself.
The backfire effect is basically an understanding in psychology which says when someone's
beliefs are challenged especially when they hold a deep conviction in those beliefs, if that person is presented
with contrary evidence i.e those beliefs are challenged with good evidence, they will actually become more
stubborn in that belief and believe it's stronger rather than less. And if your beliefs are unhelpful and
you're particularly convicted in those beliefs, you believe with your heart and soul that men are cheaters,
then watch for that resistance in your psychology because as you go to do this exercise, as you get say,
convinced, as you get evidence that men are not cheaters you'll find yourself resisting the idea.
You might say, "Well, I'm sure he cheated. He just looks loyal on the outside."
or you might say, "Well, maybe he is loyal but I bet they're not happy."
You'll find resistance coming up and the deeper your belief is, the more resistance that will
come up, so watch for this effect as you go and challenge those beliefs.
Now, I'm going to do more videos on this topic, but this is just a good start to help you take responsibility
and to help you identify those patterns that are going on in your dating life. If you're getting
the same patterns again and again, I don't want that to continue for you. But if you believe you play no part in it,
then there's no possible way for you to change it. I want to help you take that responsibility and figure out the
decisions you're making that could be leading to it and that means me and you can change those patterns.
Well, let me know your thoughts, comments, questions on the video. I'd love to hear your ideas
and what you reckon about all these concepts. Put it all in below. Give the video a thumbs up. Hit that big red
subscribe button and the little bell, so you get the notifications as well. Like I say,
let me know if you'd like me to do a part two, and I'll see you in the next video very soon.