Visit New South Wales
Home to Australia’s most iconic destinations
Dick Lake
Hooker Park
Glory Hole Cave
Rooty Hill
and of course, Cumbooglecumbang
It’s also home to the last remaining Coalition Government on the continent
Which is why here at the New South Wales Government
we are utterly shitting ourselves about the coming election
New South Wales!
First stolen in 1788, this was once a small penal colony wracked by shitfuckery
Today, thanks to us, it’s a thriving modern state wracked by shitfuckery
Need to create a cushy job for yourself once you quit politics?
Rort bushfire funds for political gain
arrest peaceful protesters
or sick the anti-terror police onto a pesky journo?
Come to New South Wales
And Visit Deniliquin
the perfect getaway when you’re being summonsed by a Parliamentary inquiry
into backroom deals with dodgy developers
Speaking of which
Don’t miss our native forests and wildlife
Except, you probably will
Coz by weakening land clearing laws to help dodgy developers
we’ve destroyed so much of them, we’ve made it into the Top List of deforestation hotspots
alongside the Congo and the Amazon
Did that at least boost our economy?
Nup! Our state forestry is losing millions
which means we’re making people here pay to destroy their own native forests
We also made them pay for other cock-ups of ours
like ferries too tall for our bridges
trains too wide for our tunnels
trams too cracked to work
and ships too full of Covid to disembark
But we said YOLO
We also sold-off their roads
ports
poles
wires
buses
TAFE
public housing
even their Land Titles Office
And yet we still tripled our budget deficit
Coz we’re Good Economic Managers™
But when it comes to selling-out New South Wales, nothing beats our climate policy
Remember that time a lump of coal brought this piece of shit into Parliament?
We thought that was so based
we pulled off the same stunt in our Parliament the next day
Not-So-New South Wales
That didn’t age so well
So ever since then we’ve been working hard to rebrand ourselves as
Climate Leaders™
But the truth is, we approved 16 new coal mines during our last term alone
And if re-elected we’re due to approve 8 more
including this one run by a company that just got busted for endemic corruption across Africa
So they’ll fit in fine, here in New South Wales
But our biggest fuck-you goes out to the regional communities we claim to champion
That’s why Matt just gave Santos approval to enter their farms without permission
Visit the Liverpool Plains!
The perfect spot for a pipeline no one here fucking wants
carrying coal seam gas mined from our last great inland forest
right under the food bowl of the state
by a company that’s already been fined for contaminating aquifers with uranium
What could go wrong
When you put all this together
You might be thinking of NOT voting for us at the coming election
Thankfully, New South Wales is the only state in Australia where preferential voting is optional
Which is great for us
Coz preferential voting is what got all those Not-Shit candidates elected at the last federal election
So don’t use it here
Coz if enough of you vote 1 for the Not-Shit candidates running in this election
and then number every box, putting the Shit candidates last
not only could New South Wales end up with a Not-Shit Government
You’d also kick the Coalition off the continental map of Australia
And we wouldn’t want that now
Would we
Visit New South Wales
Before we sell-out what’s left of it
Authorised by The Department for 12 Years of Corruption, Bullshit and Dead Koalas