This MomDoc talk is a little different than our usual topics, because in
addition to speaking to parents I would also like to talk to kids and teens
directly. In a previous segment we talked about teens who self-harm and today I'd
like to talk about that again and focus on how to get help if you or someone you
know is cutting or hurting themselves. First, if you are cutting or hurting
yourself you should know that you are not alone, there are a lot of kids who
actually talk about harming themselves. Many of my patients tell me about
hearing a critical voice inside their head that tells them that they're not
worthwhile. Feeling bad inside is not an easy thing to cope with, but there are
safe ways that you can deal with those feelings, and a good counselor can help
you move past those feelings. Cutting can be very difficult to stop on your own,
the most important thing you can do is talk to a trusted adult or work with a
mental health professional to help you stop. When you have the urge to cut,
remember that you do have a choice and you can choose that you don't want to
leave scars and that you don't want to hurt yourself. You can start talking back
to that critical voice and telling it that you don't deserve to be hurt. Even
if you don't believe that at the beginning, start practicing talking back
to that voice. What if you don't feel ready to talk to a trusted adult but you
know you need help? There are several hotlines you can call
and there are some phone apps that can help you get started.
1-800-DONT-CUT is one option and there will be a list of other hotlines at the
end of this talk. Working with a mental health professional is important,
but there are some things you can do right now to help decrease self-harm. First
think about the feelings that lead up to a self-harm
episode. If cutting is a way to release tension, you could try physical activity,
you could go for a run, lift weights, punch a pillow, squeeze a stress ball. If
cutting or self harming is a way to experience powerful emotions, you could
try doing things like journaling or listening to music to help you feel
those emotions. When people are working on quitting self-harm sometimes they do
things to simulate the activity, they might immerse their hands in cold water
to simulate a pain sensation, some people snap a rubberband on their wrists or
actually even press into their skin using a red magic marker to simulate a
cutting episode. Distraction can be very effective as well. Make it harder for
yourself to cut by removing objects that trigger you to think about that as a way
to release tension. You can call a friend or family member,
color a picture, make up a dance, you can get out of the house and be around other
people to make it hard for you to engage in that behavior as well. Delaying
cutting or waiting it out may sound really tough and it is, but start
practicing waiting even 5 or 10 minutes, practice deep breathing during this time,
breathe in for a count of 5, hold it for 5 then breathe out for a count of 5. Over
time it will get easier and easier for you to wait. Although the urge to cut is
a strong emotion, that emotion will pass and with time and practice you will be
able to tolerate those powerful emotions for longer and longer.
Okay, now parents let's talk. If you have found out that your teen is cutting or self
harming you may be having a lot of powerful emotions yourself right now.
Take a few deep breaths and respond when you have calmed down. Try to remain
non-judgmental and let your child know you're there to help them and that
you're there to listen and talk to them. It's okay to have emotions yourself and
express how you feel but model for your child how to positively work through
emotions. Parents often need help and support when their child is self harming.
In the St. Louis area they can call 314-454-TEEN or the St.
Louis Children's Hospital Family Resource Center. Outside of the St. Louis
area please see the resources following the end of this talk.